Not one correct latch on all day :(((

[AdelaideJo]

Hi there,
My 8 day old DS is having real problems latching on, the usual things, won't open his mouth wide, bangs his head against the breast in frustration while crying etc etc. Its become really upsetting for me to even attempt to get him on the breast now, and I succeeded only once yesterday (his first feed of the day, for 5 pathetic minutes) and today despite many attempts, not at all. Prior to that he was getting on maybe once or twice per day.
I've been to a drop in clinic, where he latched on perfectly and fed for 40 minutes! However I can only get there every friday
I'm expressing about every 2 hours (1oz from each side), and we are topping up with formula, as he was a 6lb 2oz baby and became very jaundiced when I was trying to feed him solely off the breast with nipple shields. I'm really unhappy about using formula (despite knowing its fine for him) but the upset for me is more about not being able to feed him properly from the breast and I feel like an incredible failure. I end up crying most days when he won't go on. Fortunately I have a supportive partner but I just don't think either me or DS are going to get it right.
I guess my question is, am I going to miss out on important bonding if i keep feeding expressed and formula from a bottle..? I get skin to skin contact once a day, which starts my milk leaking, but he isn't interested in going on.

I'm sorry to have rambled. My midwives are well-meaning but "breast is best" mantras are getting me down (like I don't KNOW that already).
Any advice gratefully received !

[LIZS]

dare I suggest that the midwives are possibly not the best poeple to advise you . Can you phone one of the helplines and see if you can see someone before Friday to help you directly.

Also the effort of expressing for relatively so little could be rather soul destroying and stressful in itself , rather than help. Can you skin to skin for longer, perhaps in bed or the bath ? It is a learning process for you both and as he grows should become easier. Lots of babies become jaundiced, however they are fed , so don't take that as a slight on your and his skills.

Good luck

[chibi]

It is v hard to advise on a latch over the internet! I really recommend that you call the any one of the bf helplines - the women who man them are extensively trained.

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers helpline 08444 122 949
Breastfeeding Network Supporterline: 0844 412 4664 Breastfeeding Network Drugline: 0844 412 4665
La Leche League Telephone Helpline: 0845 120 2918
National Childbirth Trust Breastfeeding line: 0870 444 8708

I also recommend that you call your labour ward (you peobably have not been discharged from midwife care yet) and ask for the number of a bf counsellor. It may be possible for her to come out to your house.

You can also contact your local NCT branch and ask about bf counsellors there. I did this + one came out to see me at home + was very helpful indeed.

Personally I can say that having difficulties in the early days does not necessarily mean that bf is jinxed for you - it is early days still. You are doing the best that you can, and you need support.

good luck, and congratulations on your ds's birth

[beckyvicky]

took me 3 weeks to learn properly and life felt like hell till then. then suddenly it all started to work, thanks to one health visitor who moved dd about 2 inches, and it was like a miracle happened. phone the numbers from chibi, and try different positions. eg, lying down on the bed.

chibi - do women man phones or woman them

[Flight]

Perhaps he has tongue tie - has this been checked? It is very common and easily remedied

Thinking of you anyway x

[Flight]

Watch this and try it

It is fantastic and can be done until at least 6 weeks, babies just finding their own way...worth a shot, anyway.

[Flight]

it ta\kes a while to get past the other stuff, wait for the bit where they actually demonstrate it

[chibi]

ha ha beckyvicky it felt wrong even as I wrote it

[Heated]

Please phone one of those numbers Chibi has given you.

I discovered MN 6 months after my 2nd child was born and could have gnashed my teeth at discovering too late this font of knowledge about bf. I felt like shouting why, in deluge of literature you get given, didn't I know about this? Certainly didn't know about bf counsellors, I just had a mw who came to see me every 3 days over 2 weeks and a leaflet. I expressed but after 3 months went totally to formula with much guilt with my 1st and sadness with my 2nd.

I think you would benefit from a regular visitor/counsellor who knows about bf, I know I would have done.

[AdelaideJo]

Thank you for all this advice. He had mostly expressed or formula bottle feeds yesterday, wouldn't latch on for the first feed of today. At 11am the midwife came and showed me a different position, and, as usual, he had no problems....fed for about half an hour. Typically, she's now gone and I can't get him on again.

Interestingly, I had to grip him incredibly tightly to get him to stay on, but when I tried to do this later today it felt literally like restraining him, he was pushing my breast away with his hands and going really crazy (but was hungry enough for 2.5oz of breast from a bottle). The MW wants me to try to get him on for 5 minutes at a time but crushing him to me as he struggles is too difficult for me to handle.
The next time I see a counsellor will be Friday. It is dissillusioning, I'm not sure if I will even bother to try with him again today...i'm fed up with the constant crying really (mine!). Selfish?

[ChasingButterflies]

Not selfish at all! I well remember sitting there in tears while ds took literally an hour to come close to latching on, bashing his head and his hands against me. It's really distressing, especially when you know that a good feed will make them feel better.
Some good advice I was given was to dab a generous amount of expressed milk over my breast, around the whole nipple area, before attempting to latch him on. He'd snuffle around it and it did seem to tempt him to latch on.
Also perhaps worth trying different timings for feeds - not a routine, I mean try to latch him on when you know he's definitely hungry and asking for food, and when he's quieter and not desperately hungry, and when he's sleepy/just waking up, etc. My ds used to get very frantic when he was hungry and that seemed to make it more difficult for him to latch. Trying to pre-empt him by putting him to the breast when he was calm did help.
You're doing really well to be trying so hard [reassuring shoulder-pat emoticon]