can anyone tell me how they co-sleep? who is where etc?

[Caz10]

as i am really puzzled by this! i'm thinking that it might really help my teensy dd gain weight as she doesn't wake in the nights for feeds. i was, still am tbh, very wary of it as i am a very heavy sleeper. also dd is so small.

but it is something i'm thinking about, esp now that dd sleeps quite happily in her wee grobag, but i have NO idea re how it works! i've read the unicef guidelines etc, and i know dd should be on top of the covers in her grobag, also to the side of me rather than between me and dh. We have no spare room so dh can't move elsewhere.

anyway, things i don't know...

• dd is 10 wks, so not moving much, but will do soon - should i put a guard rail up on my side of the bed (it's not, and can't be, against a wall)
  
• how ON EARTH do they latch on themselves?! we haven't yet mastered feeding lying down, and the times we've got close i've needed to pull dd in, hold my boob etc. yet i hear people talking about their lo's latching on unbeknown to them in the middle of the night!?!
  
• can i be under the covers? our house is freezing! but if i am under the covers, then my boobs are under the covers so that gets me back to..how does she latch on?
  
• if we do manage a lying down feed, dd is quite close in to my armpit (lucky her). do i have to move her away from me at the end of a feed?
  
• when we have tried feeding lying down, i have to press my boob in so her nose is not squashed into it and she can breathe - i have to be awake to do that, so would i be as well just sitting up anyway?
  
  if anyone could tell me how they co-sleep i would really appreciate it - no detail to small or obvious!!

[IAteRoseMaryConleyForBreakfast]

Well, at that age DS slept between me and a bedside cabinet, but up by my pillow. I slid him down when he woke and fed with his head in my armpit, then slid him back afterwards, if i stayed awake long enough. To be honest i'd just try out some arrangements for naps to see what's comfy. We've a duvet and cover him to the waist but obv not recommended to do that. At 7m he goes upbetween the pillows.

[sherby]

We co-sleep with DD 2.5 and DS 6mths.

DD is in between DP and I and DS is between me and a bed guard. You might find that you sleep with your knees curled up under her so she will not slip down and I usually sleep with my arm curled over DSs head so he doesn't move up and his head is level with my breast. I have the quilt pulled up to waist level and just wear a long sleeved top in bed with one breast exposed. DS does latch himself on, I think they just soon realise that the breast is freely available and root around for it themselves.

I tend to just tilt DSs head upwards so the nose is free and then just go back to sleep. He then just dozes off and slips off the breast himself.

Obviously this means that he only feeds off on breast all night, so I tend to feed on the other side for the last few feeds before I get into bed so I am not huge in the morning.

[sherby]

Can I just add that stroking his little ear and listening to him falling back off to sleep is the nicest thing ever

[peggotty]

Caz I have been wondering about the latching-themselves-on thing as well! whenever I've tried co-sleeping/feeding lying down I've felt so tense, and been in all sorts of contortions trying to get my ds to latch on! Them just doing it in the night without you waking up sounds great but I can't begin to imagine I would ever get to that stage!

[PrettyCandles]

With us, when the baby was tiny we would leave a generous gap between dh and my pillows and the baby slept in the gap (in an ordinary 4'6" double). He or she wore vest and babygro. This would have been in autumn/winter. I, too, am a heavy sleeper, but when you breastfeed and co-sleep you become very tuned-in to your baby's needs. I always woke before the baby actually cried - just the grunting and rooting would wake me enough to know whether I needed to feed or comfort etc.

With our first child dh was very aware of the baby's presence in our bed, and would sleep mirroring my posture: curved around the baby, with one arm 'tenting' over the baby. With nos 2 and 3 he was less aware, and often turned his back on the baby. But, as I was so atuned to the baby it didn't worry me. Whenever I left the bed at night I would nudge dh and remind him that the baby was behind him in the bed. Generally I would return from the toilet to find dh had turned and curled around the baby, or taken the baby onto his chest.

At about the age of your LO, we would generally end up with the baby sleeping betwen us, and the pillows in the normal position. I would make sure hat dh wore pjs, so that he would be too warm to pull the duvet up to his chin. The duvet would generally tent itself over the baby without touching him or her. AGain, because you are so atuned to your baby, you check them without even thinking, and wake if there is any reason for concern.

A co-sleeping baby does not need to be in a sleeping bag.

If you can't put the bed against the wall, I would say that the baby ought to sleep between you. Could you make a 'bed-guard' by pushing the cot against the bed?

As for feeding, practice feeding topless lying down during the day to get the hang of it. Babies need less help latching on while lying down, IME, than they may do when you feed sitting up. Gravity? I don't know.

If you feel the baby's face is being squashed by your boob, bring the baby even further down the bed, so that they have to turn their face up to the boob. You can always draw them back up the bed after the feed.

From my expereince of a co-sleeping baby who turned into a boob-a-holic and wanted to sleep with the boob in his mouth (only 1 out of my 3, thank goodness!), I would say to slide yourself away from the baby after you've fed, but it's not critical. I found it very good to turn my back on the baby and snug up to him that way. I was still completely in touch with him, and could feel his breathing.

[PrettyCandles]

Dh tells me that he once woke in the night and found dd had latched on to me through my pj top and was happily feeding. Both of us were fast asleep. 'Filtered milk', he called it!

[pedilia]

Pretty- love that image

I always have mine in with me for the first few weeks, DH is a VERY heavy sleeper so I have them on the other side of me with a pillow on the end. When they wake I just slide them down a bit, roll over and feed away. Slide them back up when finished.

Regarding the duvet I move them further up, my head height so they arfe not going to be smothered and have an extra blanket on them.

It has worked for all my 3 so far and will do the same for number 4!

[lilyloo]

hi i co sleeping with dd 5 weeks and have done with ds and dd1.
I never used guard rail just put them between us.
If i am awake i tend to find it more difficult as i fuss about there nose etc. than if i half asleep as they then do there own thing and are perfectly fine.
We sleep under covers but tend to pull pillows to the side so she is at our head height, however this isn't always the case when i fall asleep during the first feed ( this happens quite often) If i stay awake i move her back.
I think you are really atune to them and like others have said i often wake before her and she rarely cries as i often wake when she starts rooting. Dp has had a few full nights sleep already as he doesn't get disturbed more often than not.
I also agree as others have said try lying down during day , early evening and relax as it is much easier when you leave it to baby to find her way.
Good luck

[verylittlecarrot]

We sleep in the classic 'C' position with me curled around the baby like this. I shove a cushion into the small of my back to support it. I pull the lightweight down duvet up to baby's waist - yes I know this is not advised but it works for us - and I wear long sleeves. She stays under my wing all night, even if I roll back onto my back, her head is touching the underside of my arm so I can always feel her there.

She does mooch around for my nipple and latch on herself, although I sometimes yank her up or down a bit to position her better.

I swap sides at least once during the night to avoid bowling ball boob.

BUT DH is in the spare room so I have the king size bed to myself and dd, allowing me to ensure there is loads of space between her and the edge of the bed.

[macdoodle]

I couldn't do this I am a VERY restless sleeper and sleepwalk shout sit up have been known to sit up shouting and smack H - would be terrified would hurt DD2...also when do you have cuddles and sex with H ??

[foxythesnowman]

When she was smaller DD slept a bit higher up the bed, the pillows hanging over the edge to create a space and futher down so her head is clear IYSWIM. Luckily DP can sleep anytime/anywhere so doesn't complain too much. I'd move her down and feed her on my side with my arm encircling her head if she was on the left boob, or put her head on my upper left arm if she was feeding on the right so she stayed in the middle of the bed.

I have the advantage that after 4 DCs my boobs are so saggy they fall under my arms so even when lying on my back she has access without me waking

[verylittlecarrot]

foxy - I quite envy the boob access-on-back thing. My boobs are somewhat diminuative, and I am a back sleeper, given the chance. On occasion I've tried to roll onto my back when she has stayed latched on...usually results in an audible pop as nipple unavoidably makes its break for freedom...

[verylittlecarrot]

'diminutive'

[pelafina]

Message withdrawn

[JodieG1]

I co-sleep with ds2 in the spare room so the bed is against the wall on one side. He's 13 months now. At first he slept between dh and I but once he became mobile that wasn't so easy so I went to the spare room with him.

He still feed through the night and it's much easier sleeping next to him to feed than having to get up.

We have sex a lot still but rarely in bed

[MamaMaiasaura]

pretty - lol i think ds2 needs to join boobaholics too

I part co-sleep with ds2. Sometimes he sleeps in moses basket till he wakes crying for feed but more often he comes straight in as crys etc if i put him down. We sleep with sheet and 2 fleece blankets, which i vary the number according to room temp. Have recently got ds2 baby sleeping bags (a 1 tog and a 2.5 - depending on temp etc). I can snuggle the blanket around me so it doesnt cover baby. I also wear pj's if cold. Dp sleeps on the sofa and i share kingsize with baby. HE cant roll yet but i put a pillow on one side and me on the other so he cant fall out.

I dont tend to leave my boob out as he latches himself on i I end up with one drained boob and one massive boob.

HE is waking now for feed so best go xx

[MamaMaiasaura]

pretty - lol i think ds2 needs to join boobaholics too

I part co-sleep with ds2. Sometimes he sleeps in moses basket till he wakes crying for feed but more often he comes straight in as crys etc if i put him down. We sleep with sheet and 2 fleece blankets, which i vary the number according to room temp. Have recently got ds2 baby sleeping bags (a 1 tog and a 2.5 - depending on temp etc). I can snuggle the blanket around me so it doesnt cover baby. I also wear pj's if cold. Dp sleeps on the sofa and i share kingsize with baby. HE cant roll yet but i put a pillow on one side and me on the other so he cant fall out.

I dont tend to leave my boob out as he latches himself on i I end up with one drained boob and one massive boob.

HE is waking now for feed so best go xx

[MrsBadger]

verylittlecarrot, we get the 'pop' too!

I sleep between dh and dd in a 5' bed, with a bedguard, and dh and I have a single duvet each. I sleep on my side facing dd with the duvet round my back and the top half of my front bare, iyswim. DD has her head level with my boobs and just wears a babygrow and a cardi else she gets too sweaty. I wear an unbuttoned pyjama top.

If I stay on my side she can get at my left nork just by turning her head, but I am a front-ish sleeper by choice so as I turn over towards her she often gets the right one too.

tbh at 10wks we were a bit rubbish at feeding lying down too - it does get better as they get bigger and you get more expert.

[Blueskythinker]

I always popped baby on top of a towel, to make moving him / her around the bed easier - ie up & down, or into the middle - I found you could slide the towel , and they wouldn't stir. Also stops dribbles onto the sheets.

[TinkerbellesMum]

We didn't read any guidlines, so what we did is probably not the best way, but it worked for us.

We both sleep with the quilt tucked under us so if we're not next to each other there is a gap between us. We used to sleep facing the centre and Tink would be between us, I had my arm around her so if TD came too close he would lie on my arm first!

I would either be topless or have my shirt/bra undone. She would be level with my boobs for when she wanted to go on. I think that rather than they latch themselves on their own, we respond to them in our sleep and help them out a little. After a feed she would either fall onto her back or snuggle into me.

As for breathing, mammals noses are designed to allow them to nurse with the shape and size of their mothers breast, it might seem like they don't have any breathing space, but they do. I'm saying this as a mother with HH boobs and a 31 weeker.

[glimmer]

All very interesting. I recently started co-sleeping with my 12 week old since we were traveling. He is a candidate for boob-a-holic since he nursed many, many times during the night (5-7?) and ended up having a lot of wind and many, many more poos... I was wondering if he over-ate and started a thread about this yesterday. It might have contributed that I wasnt awake enough to get up and wind him.
In any case -- he gained a lot of weight in the last weeks, but this could also be a growth spurt independent of the co-sleeping. But it might definitely be worth trying.

I tend to wake up just enough to help him latch on, but I am much less awake than if I have to get up, put one foot town to lift DS out of the cradle etc. I guess that's the secret -- you wake up, but just a little bit and it is much easier to get back to sleep.
I prefer lying down to nurse, so that's not the problem. If you are well-endowed it can help to put a sock underneath the boob to hoist it up and assure it drains well. as others have posted it is also important that the baby leans the head back, so that their noses are not covered. You can either slide them down so that they have to look up, or you can rotate away from the baby once it has latched on, so that you uncover the nose. The first method is more elegant, but I often resolve to the second method, because DS doesnt latch on properly at one side.
I have to admit I really enjoy co-sleeping but need to suss out if DS will settle to a reasonable nighttime feed pattern or continue to get digestive problems from nursing all night.
Good luck!

[mehdismummy]

hi there i co sleep with ds since birth he now two. At first slept on my side with him laying in arm iyswim. And as he got older he just naturally started sleeping on his own part of bed. I use to sit up and feed because i knew he wanted feeding before he did! Now he just helps himself! Dh in spare room. I have to say its great to find so many other mummys that co sleep. Dont you find your baby or dc is happier and more confident because. My ds only cries for literally mins. Verylittlecarrot. What a bloody star you are. Not only bf after all the crap you have had but co sleeping too. Babycarrot is v lucky to have you. Well done. how is babycarrot btw?

[Caz10]

thank you all so mucj for your help!

have been practising feeding lying down...it seems to send dd to sleep for some reason, I don't know if it is because she is not latching on properly and therefore finding it difficult and then just giving up? i have weensy boobs, dd just doesn't seem able to reach somehow!

pegotty i'm glad it's not just me!!

you all must have nice warm houses...i sleep with long sleeved and long legged pyjamas, under a heavy duvet. when it's really cold outside i also have a fleece blanket and hot water bottle! so sleeping with covers only to my waist is not an appealing thought!

do you think then at 11wks dd is too little to latch on herself but may do it as she gets older/more head control?

mrsbadger the single duvets are a good idea, wouldn't have thought of that, thanks!

i've been bringing dd onto the bed after her 6am-ish feed and we doze together till 8/9ish - v nice! but i am just DOZING, not relaxed enough to really sleep soundly yet.

any other experiences/suggestions gratefully received!