I have to stop BF my 1 year old girl and it's making me so sad.

[Breizhette]

I am pregnant again and will give birth in July. I am travelling for work for 1 week in 3 weeks time.
I only feed her once a day in the morning and we both love it. My DH wants me to stop feeding her now as he thinks it will be a nightmare for him if I don't wean her before I go. Also, I don't want to BF 2 children at once so I do need to stop some time before July so I guess this is the right time.
But I can't do it. It seems so natural and normal to feed her, and so unnatural to not feed her when I am here and willing.
I don't know how I can do it.
Any advice or opinions would be very welcome.
Thanks.

[Breizhette]

Not sure. Probably other people's reactions. I am already made to feel weird for still feeding my 1 year old so I can't imagine if I am feeding 2. My family and DH are not very supportive either.

She is a very good eater and would definitely eat when I am away. It's just that she wakes up early my DH is convinced that it's because I BF her (?!).

So my choices are: weaning her, hide the fact that I still feed her ( a bit of a coward thing to do), or confront my DH (this is quite a sore issue).

[NocturnalNonsense]

If you don't want to bf 2 children at once then I guess it makes sense to do it soonish so that there is a bit of a break before your 2nd baby arrives and your daughter has chance to get use to it. May be a couple of things to think about are: Can you still try and have a special quite cuddle with her at this time of day? Do you think she will find it difficult to give up this feed? How did cutting down to jusy one BF go for her?

I have a 9 month old and we have cut down to 2 bf - I have been surprised how easily he has adjusted to changes. Perhaps sometimes harder for mum than baby! The thought of a last bf with baby is sad though.

good luck whatever you decide to do.

[LiegeAndLief]

I don't really have any advice for you but am just posting some sympathy as I am feeding my 17 month ds once in the morning and dh would like me to stop. He's very good really and doesn't mention it too often, but I would like to keep going for a while...

If your dh thinks if you give up bfing your dd will suddenly start waking up late for him when you go away, I think he could be in for a shock!

[Breizhette]

Thanks NNS. I went from feeding her twice a day before Christmas to only once a day and it went quite smoothly, so I can't imagine it would be too hard...for her!

[NocturnalNonsense]

motherhurdicure - just wondered if you are feeding 2 children at the same time how does your body know what sort of milk to make? I have been told that your milk changes over time to meet the ever changing nutritional demands of your baby (from colostrum for new born onwards). Any thoughts?

[Jackstini]

Breizhette - you need to decide what you want to do and then be honest with dh.
Re the week away with work, I have been away once per quarter since I had dd for 5 days or so. She had ebm then cows' milk in a bottle when I was away but then I carried on feeding when I got back so you can do this if it is what you want.
I am still feeding dd at 22 mo (once per day, last thing before bed) and if had not mc was planning to tandem feed in March. Again, it can be done if you feel happy with it.
Reading your post it does not sound like you want to stop though. You could try saying, I have decided to see if I can follow the WHO guidelines and feed until at least 2.... see what reaction you get. Anyway, you will find support here whatever you decide to do and well done for getting this far!
PS - I think there is more on tandem feeding on kellymom.com Nocturnal

[Breizhette]

Thanks for your opinions. It does make me realise that the issue is really between DH and me. I really do want to continue and might even give tandem a go as it would really be 1 feed in the morning for the eldest.
As Liege mentions, I really don't think she is going to sleep any later if I don't feed her. Plus she wakes up between 6 and 7 so it's not so bad.
Only thing is that it has brought many arguments between us and until now I have carried on as I wanted, but being pregnant, arguments do really impact me. Also he has threatened not to look after her when I go away if she isn't weaned, which is really silly.
Anyway, thanks. I'll find a solution.

[PortAndLemon]

You don't have to stop BF her... your DH wants you to stop BF her, which is entirely different. I went away for a week with work at around the same age when still bf twice a day, and DS was absolutely fine with DH, not a quibble.

And you may well find that she will cut back herself now you are pregnant. DS is older, admittedly, but I'm 28 weeks pregnant and he's more or less self-weaned (we have maybe one feed a week at the moment). The book Adventures in Tandem Nursing is very good (despite the name, it doesn't assume you want to do tandem nursing and has a lot of good stuff in it about breastfeeding when pregnant and on cutting down or weaning completely).

[Jackstini]

You are right B - he is being really silly saying that! As if he would not feed his daughter - he is just being stroppy.
Has he given any reasons behind wanting you to stop? Is he aware of the health benefits that still apply to a 1 year old?
Also, one benefit of tandem feeding is that your dd will not feel you have taken the breast away and it's 'all for the new baby now' which makes things easier. Hope the conversations go better tonight

[mehdismummy]

i am still bf and ds is two next month. I am finding it really hard to do as its as you say as a really special time. I am lucky dh has always been very supportive about bf. In fact he would have been mad with me if i had not! Do what you want to do honey. If it makes you and dc happy carry on. Why does dh have such a problem with it. Is he jealous? Can you express? Its not about milk anymore for dc its about the attachment you have together

[Breizhette]

She was a very poor sleeper and she only started to sleep through the night a couple of months ago. Before that I breastfed her to sleep and she would wake several times a night. I often would end up in the spare room with her.
I do genuinely think that breastfeeding to sleep was a big mistake and I won't do it for #2.
My DH now associated BF and "sleep problems". But this is not relevant anymore as she goes to sleep very easily with a good routine and she sleeps through the night most nights. She does wake up early, but I don't think it's BF related.

Maybe I should not feed her when she first wake, but push it back to 9am for example. So there's no association between waking and feeding.

[morocco]

doesn't really sound like you are ready to stop tbh, can you get your dh to understand you need to take your own time over this. re going away, I had to do this when ds2 was 14 months and we just picked up where we left off a week later, meantime he had bottles no problem. I wonder why it is such a big deal for your dh, is it a bit of attention seeking cos he's got to look after her all week and sees it as a chance to do things his way? (my dh would be like this). rather than thinking of stopping, the last feed etc which builds it up to a big emotional deal, if you are ready to stop, take it one feed at a time and see how things go, when you are ready, it will happen. I can't even remember ds2's last feed, cos I didn't know it was going to be, if that makes sense. I prefered it that way rather than a big event.

[aGalChangedHerName]

Why does he want you to stop bfing your dd?

Has he given you any reason? You may find that she will self wean as the pg progresses.Thats what happened with my dd.

[cmotdibbler]

Waking up between 6 and 7 sounds like a good nights sleep to me ! Any later than 7 and we find it a real rush to get out.
I regularly go away, and DH manages fine without me, even when DS was little.
Dh has just wandered past, and says that a reasoned approach, giving your Dh the reasons why you want to keep going would be best.

[PortAndLemon]

I was surprised to find recently at the round of third birthday parties quite how many of DS's contemporaries didn't reliably slee through the night until they were well over 2, and over 2.6 in many cases. And these were not children who were breastfed for very long. It wasn't something the parents talked about until later, so it's easy to assume that your child is a "poor sleeper" when in fact they are perfectly normal or even quite a good sleeper.

[3andnomore]

hm, personally I would just keep going, your lil one may wean herself off, as the milk changes taste, etc....and seeing that she isn't feeding that much, it won't be like you are feeding two all the time....

[LiegeAndLief]

Sounds like this is quite a big issue for your dh and you both need to talk about your reasons for wanting to stop/carry on (which is what I should do as well really ). Kellymom has a good thing on extended bfing which tells you all the health benefits for you and the child - maybe your dh would change his mind with some reasoned discussion...

6-7am is not very early!! Sounds pretty good to me.

[Breizhette]

I think I won't stop now, but dreading the conversations. I just know he will go mad as we've had many rows over this in the past. We do get on very well and he's a great dad but he can have a bad temper and BF is a subject he feels strongly about. I do suspect it's because deep down he felt excluded.

I might suggest that I will keep feeding her once a day but I will change the time so it's not just when she wakes up. So that it's clear that BF is not an incentive for her to wake up. Just hope my milk supply will follow.

[Pannacotta]

Just saw this thread now and wanted to say that I fed DS1 till he was 2 ish. He self weaned when I was pregnant with DS2. I often wish that he hadnt as he is still very jealous of his brother who is now 8 months and am sure that had I still been feeding him he wouldnt feel so ousted by his brother.
Hope your DH can find it in himself to support you, do quote the WHO guidelines if that will help. My DH did support me but I think knowing the WHO guidelines made it more important (and also easier) for him to support me, esp when other people questioned why I was still breastfeeding.

[Jackstini]

B - he has no right to 'go mad' you are doing the absolute best for his dd.
Can you print off some good info on benefits and leave him to read it before you talk?
Is he involved in all other aspects? he does not need to feel left out. My dh has always done the getting into pjs etc. and 'goodnight dd, I love you, here is Mummy for food..." hope you can work a compromise you are both happy with

[Jackstini]

Hi B, just wanted to check in and see how it's going?