Didn't enjoy breastfeeding last time and scared about this time

[Gemy]

I breastfed DD1 for about 8 weeks with 1 bottle of formula right from the word go. I didn't enjoy bfing, expressing was a bit of a faff and I was glad to stop.

I am due to have DD2 in just a few days and really really want to like breastfeeding this time. I have all the kit, nursing chair, nursing bras, nipple creme etc. I am just worried that my negative experience last time is going to effect this time, and I'll just give up!

Last time, I can;t even say my DD had problems latching on etc because she didn't. Perhaps I'm just not cut out for breastfeeding?

[whomovedmychocolate]

What was it about it you didn't like? Why did you express if you only went on for eight weeks. Surely if you just fed on demand there is no need for this.

I have a very good friend who quit at six weeks because she said it made her feel inferior, like she'd never have enough milk and that she wasn't doing it right and everyone was judging her.

The reality is you don't have to express, just feed a lot and actually it's a wonderful thing to do for your baby and no-one else really notices how lovely you are for doing it.

I would say it took me till DD was 12 weeks or so to really feel confident about feeding her too - so I can understand why people get frustrated.

Also I found for the first few weeks I had really painful letdown and that put me off a bit but I was just too bloody stubborn to give up. I'm still nursing her now and pregnant with number two so difficulties can be overcome.

And my friend says next time she's going to give it a much better go now she's better informed and not listen to people who haven't breastfed (something she did and was constantly told 'oh formula is much easier')

But there are a million other ways to show your baby love as well and if you choose not to do this, it doesn't make you a bad mum either.

[brusselbeansprouts]

What didn't you like in particular?

It is blardy hard work and a huge commitment to take on, can be painful, frustrating and induce anxiety as it's hard to feel confident that they are getting enough milk. In many ways it's not that easy to enjoy it until you overcome a lot of these things.

Maybe just take it a day at a time and see how you get on?

[coby]

Gemy, I breastfed my DD1 for 11 weeks although she had a bottle of FF a day from day one (which increased as time went on to the point she was 50 / 50 by 9 weeks). tbh I was just glad to move over to 100% FF instead of mixing the two which was a PITA - I expressed quite often and that just became so time consuming - I would express, then DD would unexpectedly want a feed - hence the increased FF.

With DD2 I BF until she was 9 months and only started giving her formula at 8 months.

I just found it easier the second time round even though DD1 was fine but DD2 had reflux, colic, everything awkward really. What helped me a lot was having more confidence with everything the second time round. Also I had friends who were BF at the same time, we went out together during the day and I felt much more relaxed about BF in public in a group of BFers. I wasn't aware of the increased confidence until DD2 was born - until that point it was just constant worry about how I would cope with two.

If you really want to BF that is probably the best start of a BF attempt IMO. Don't forget it takes a good few weeks for BF to establish and the longer you do it the easier it gets.

hth

[Sufi]

I found that when I stopped 'fighting' bf (getting annoyed at how long it took/the pain/the exhaustion/the swollen boobs etc.!) that I relaxed a lot more. And as soon as I chilled out about it so did my ds and we both started enjoying it.

I don't express (yet - no need as not at work and happy to bf in public) and at night thank my lucky stars I don't have to go downstairs into our FREEZING kitchen and faff about with bottles! The thought of it is enough to get me through the tough times

Deep breath, let your negative thoughts go and you might find it easier this time. God, I sound like such a hippy!!

Anyway, however long you end up doing it for, that's fab and better than nothing. And if you really don't enjoy it again, don't beat yourself up about going onto formula.

Good luck and enjoy your new baby!

[Gemy]

Well, I decided to give expressing a go because I really do believe that breastmilk is the very best thing for my baby and thought well, if I'm unhappy with actual breastfeeding, at least she can get the goodness of breast milk.

I can't really pinpoint what I didn't like, but I just couldn't wait til the feed was over with. When I succumbed to entirely FF I felt a definate relief. Do you think I was stressing that much about getting it perfect, that I stressed myself out about the whole thing?

It's nice to hear that at 12 weeks you felt confident about it chocolate - maybe I just should have held on a bit longer?

[saltcod]

Hi Gemy, I didn't really enjoy bf 1st time as dd wouldn't latch on for the first few days, so ended up mixed feeding from the start. Gave up BF completely at 2 months.

Really wanted to make a go of it 2nd time round.... and DS was a completely different experience. BF him within minutes of the birth (for an hour!) & we were both hooked! Needed nipple shields for a few days in the first couple of weeks, but other than that, no problems, although it did take up a LOT of time in the early days. He's 1 on xmas day & we're still going strong. I work 3 days per week & this week I've stopped expressing at work & given him cow's milk for when I'm at work. But no plans to give up bf until he's ready . In fact, I'm dreading the day he wants to stop

So, it can be a completely different experience 2nd time round & if you really want to succeed, you will!

[welliemum]

I agree, it can be so, so different the second time round - it was for me.

But if it's the same, and you want to bf but really don't enjoy the feeds, could you work out ways of distracting yourself? Watch TV, read, chat on the phone, chat on MN? Is there a book you've always wanted to read, or a TV series you love that you could get on DVD and watch back-to-back episodes? Something that would be a real treat to look forward to.

I think, also, you experienced the worst bit of breastfeeding, Gemy - those first few weeks are HARD. The payback comes later, when feeds start to space out and get shorter, and it starts to feel easy and convenient instead of a huge, exhausting, scary commitment.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

[coby]

yep, I think at between 12-16 weeks of BF it does become easier. Also coincidently thats when my boobs were went back to how they were pre preganancy and bf - in fact I worried they had given up at the time and was surprised to see they still did the job as they weren't sore and huge anymore (which is what I associated breast feeding boobs with).

Don't beat yourself up about the possibility you stopped a bit too early last time - you just don't know and you did better than many others.

That is a fantastic idea of welliemum's to distract yourself with DVDs or a TV prog you rellay like (guess you'd have to pre-record to fit in with the bf).

The worst bit about BF for me was just sitting there for what felt like hours on end looking at a load of undone housework or watching endless repeats of 'cash in the attic' - the same ones I watched 2 years previously when BF DD1 . When BF is established it seems to all go happen more quickly but those early weeks can be a drag sometimes if you haven't got something to look forward to.

[coby]

sorry, my typing is particularly awful tonight

[WeFrizYouaMerryChristmas]

Dd1 here was rubbish on the boob, never got on with it properly, made us both unhappy even though we persevered with it for 3mths before I gave into more bottles and she was combi till 6mths, then just onto bottles.

DD2 however loved the boob, couldn't have been happier, thus we both loved it, nothing had changed that I was aware of on my part, apart from the fact that maybe I was more relaxed into feeding and motherhood with dd2? I certainly found it a lot happier experience with dd2, but then she's a more relaxed child??

[Gemy]

Thx for all your replies. I guess I am thinking too much about how iot may be rather than just seeing how it goes. I am still a bit anxious, but am going to give it my best shot. If though, by 12 weeks it's still not going well then I'll re-consider my options then.

The favourite TV program thing is definatly a good idea though - I did used to get annoyed at it seeming to take forever and I remember being particulary uncomfortable sitting for all that time while my stitches were healing (ouch!)

Anyway, have nursing chair this time which is very comfy, so hopefully this may also make it more enjoyable.