need a pep talk please - am feeling blue about bfing

[Tutter]

for the last 3 nights ds2 (4.5mo) has had a bottle of formula

he has looked so content afterwards - drunk and full and happy

he rarely feeds happily from me. with the exception of the first feed of the day, he squirms, sweats, cries, pulls away, pinches, pulls etc etc

with the bottle he is almost motionless, eyes rolling back in (happiness? concentration?)

for the first time i find myself wondering whether bfing is best for him

[onepieceoflollipop]

My dd1 wasn't a cuddly baby at all and after the first few months got less and less interested in having lovely long snuggly b/feeds. Like you ds she tolerated the first feed, I think at that time of the morning they are really thirsty and therefore more amenable.

bf is of course best for him from a health point of view, even if you only feel able to continue with the morning feed. Perhaps you could try feeding him prior to or after his daytime sleep(s) if you want to continue, as he will be more tired then.

Ultimately it is up to you and you have done really well to get this far, bf doesn't come easily to all of us. fwiw I am so tired with dd2, aged 16 weeks I intend to give her a bottle of formula at bedtime once we start weaning.

[moondog]

Well Tutter,it is up to you.

Have you considered that the look of contentment is actually one of stuffed to the gills?
Bottle feeding is quick and easy for the baby. Breastfeeding involves more work.There is lots of research to suggest that the ease with which a baby drains a bottle interferes in the future with a person's ability to regulate calotrific input and satiation (ie knowing when they have had enough.)

Food for thought?

[robinredbreast]

tutter just wanted to say,you are doing a great job

[motherinferior]

Tutter, forgive me if I'm on the wrong track, but I wonder if perhaps you are so worn out at the moment that you're worrying about your mothering in general? Because I recognise that feeling of 'the baby's supposed to be ecstatic, baby isn't ecstatic, what I am I doing wrong' from both of my babies. It wasn't, for me, (just) about breastfeeding, it was about the whole damn lot.

[motherinferior]

...which is an up-my-bottom way of saying 'don't beat yourself up about the idea that somehow he's happier with the bottle, I'm sure he's not'!

[moondog]

That's a good point.
I never ever (well rarely) experienced that blissed out new mum feeling that other people seemed to. I just felt unwell nad trapped and resentful a lot of the time.
Sad but true.

[SenoraPostrophe]

I think moondog is right. All 3 of mine went though a phase of being rather impatient at 3-4 months or so. with dd I did what you did and she ended up having more bottles and then before I knew it she was weaned at 5 months. with the boys I persevered, and it is worth it, really. It's not just the health stuff: formula is expensive, you can't use it as a comforter when they've fallen over , and there's no wahsing up with breastfeeding!

also remember that some babies can get a lot of breastmilk very quickly, and that maybe sometimes when you think he's mucking about, he's actually perfectly satisfied. they do alwys drink more colume-wise of formula though.

but anyway, if you do decide to go to formula don't be too hard on yourself. 4.5 months is still more than most.

[PaulaYatesbiggestfan]

tutter i have b/fd 5 babs and always felt they preferred bottles and drank more
sometimes i would express during the day o give bottle of ebm at night to get that over contented milk- drunkedness
its your call. 4.5 months is good whatever you decide
i bf/d 4 out of my 5 for 10-12 months and one for only 3 because she seemed so miserable and so so happy on formula
dont feel bad x

[Tutter]

thanks all

mi, yes, a lot of what you say is correct. am shattered and as a result am doubting myself

with ds1 i loved bfing and made it to 9mo

this time i wanted to make it to 12mo at least

despite his fussing he's done well, going from an average sized baby (7lb 6oz) at birth to the 98th centile at 4mo, from exclusive bfing

i understand the benefits, to him and to me

i hate the faffing of bottles

but i can't help worrying (tonight at least) that he's no longer getting full from my milk

maybe i'm just tired

the first 2 nights that i gave him formula (friday night and last night) i expressed, in order to maintain supply should i change my mind

so far tongith i haven't expressed

if i don't express now (or in the next hour or so) then decision more or less made

[motherinferior]

I think you are tired. I really do.

I also appreciate the non-faff of bottles, after switching to them for DD1 and not for DD2.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh DS was very much like this. Total pain in the arse re b/feeding. He wouldnt even consider a bottle - he fought even more. He was utterly exhausting to feed. Well, and to change. And to get to sleep.

I absolutely love him to bits but my GOD he's hard work and always has been .

I continued to b/feed him until he was 2.4 yrs.

I agree entirely with what MI has said. (Good to see you being lured back a bit more MI )

[SenoraPostrophe]

hey, the decision isn't made. after 4.5 months of bfing you will probably be able to go back to bf tomorrow if you want to without problems. even after a few days, you can always just feed more for a few days.

expressing is a faff. don't worry about it, go easy on yourself and gte some sleep!

[Tutter]

yes, vvvqv, ds2 the same - exhausting to feed, get to sleep, change, carry, etc etc

when he smiles it's all worth it

but boy is it hard work

i thougth ds1 was a difficult baby. hah!

[Tutter]

i hear what you're saying sp, but i can't help feel that i should express now if i'm serious about getting back to exclusive bfing

[LadySnowsAlot]

you'll be fine not to express tonight. one night won't make a difference. you've done so well, you should be proud of yourself.

imo i think it's always best to make those kind of decisions in the morning after you've had some sleep.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

LOL! I was entirely lulled into a sense of false security with DD.....I had NO idea what I was letting myself in for with DS.

I have come around to thinking that whatever I do with DS - it will never be straightforward. I am so much more relaxed about everything now. No chasing around with wet wipes, no changing clothes for the slightest mess. No changing nappies unless I absolutely have to. No attempts to cajole into potty training. etc etc etc.

When you start getting more sleep, it will be much easier to cope with

[IsawBUMPERkissingsantaclaus]

Tutter, my DD (5mo) is the same. It's just so much easier for them with a bottle.

In fact I had a total meltdown last night. Every so often when DD gets too tired she won't feed from me. She just won't try hard enough to get my let down then gets frustrated, so sometimes we have to give her an emergency bottle of EBM, as we did last night, but I sobbed because I think every time she doesn't feed from me is another nail in the coffin for bfing, which is probably irrational but there you go. DH just can't understand why it is so important. No one can. It's soul destroying to think you can't feed your baby, it goes against every primeval instinct.

The decision isn't made yet. It's not irreversible. When you are tired and he is tired it makes it worse. I just wanted to sympathise really, you have done a great job up to now. It's all worth it isn't it?

[Highlander]

4mo is a funny time for babies. Both my DSs went through a shitty phase of pulling off, faffing and being very distracted by the world around them. I was miserable, as they started to wake more frequently in the night as well. But, DS1 was exclusively BF until 18mo and DS2 is still going strong at 14mo.

Stick with it, if you can.

[Tutter]

thanks all, reassuring to hear that other babies hit difficult stages at this age

i think i shall try something different tonight - give him a large bottle of expressed milk to see how he goes with that (i.e. we shall see whether it's the volume of formula he's been taking is what has helped him sleep longer, or whether it's the fact that it's formula rather than breastmilk)

if the former, i can try ebm at bedtime instead

[EffiePerine]

Just wanted to add that 5 months is tough. It's that funny stage just before you start weaning - I can see why so many people wean at 4 or 5 months because babies at that age are frankly strange and you;re starting to run out of options! The tiredness really kicks in as well - not just newborn-baby-justified-tiredness but my-god-we're-in-for-the-long-haul tiredness. I found DS was very grumpy as well, cos he wanted to be more independent but couldn't quite manage sitting up/pulling up etc. It got a lot better when he was mobile (though tiring in different ways of course).

You're doing a great job - hang in there and do whatever you need to get through.

[IsawBUMPERkissingsantaclaus]

sounds like a plan tutter. sometimes all you need is a plan to make you feel better