For everyone that decided not to/wasn't able to Breastfeed

[VictorianSqualor]

I just wanted to say..
To those of you who tried- well done.
To those of you who didn't recieve the support you deserved -sorry.
And to those of you wo have felt guilty ever since because of some generally awful attitudes- Please don't.
To those of you who decided against it- I hope it was because you made an informed decision and not through lack of support available and hope any threads you read about breastfeeding do not make you feel bad either, you did what you decided was best and have nothing to feel bad about.

It seems that just lately there has been an awful lot of threads judging people who do/don't bf/ff and I hope that as mothers we can unite in wanting the best for our children and having all the information to hand so we can make an informed decision.

I was unable to bf DD, after being born 8wks prem, and my milk practically not coming in, I gave up, and I wished I hadn't.
Maybe if I had had more support with trying to express whilst she was in SCBU I would have been more successful, I don't know.
Thankfully with DS I had a wonderful midwife who helped me to latch on after my first night of despair, and have since learnt not to blame myself for not succeeding with dd.

I don't think anyone else should either.

[frisbyrat]

Amen.

[BoysAreLikeReindeer]

Hear hear

[dd666]

i still feel bad thatt i gave up when dd was 6weeks she now 18mo and is well

[bruhaha]

I agree - my son was 8 weeks prem also, I did receive good support from my hospitals breastfeeding support and SCBU. I was given a hospital grade pump home to use for the month he was kept in. I also took and am still taking domperidone to increase my milk supply - if I hadn't got those i would have given up.

I breastfeed and bottle feed expressed milk - my son has reflux and the only way to get him to take the medicine is mixed in with the milk.

I think some bf mums can be quite militant about mums who don't bf. I think it's a personal choice issue and we shouldn't judge

[VictorianSqualor]

dd666, you tried, I'm sure you did the best you could do in your circumstances, be proud you care, not guilty you stopped.

[dal21]

fab post! well said!

[mistypeaks]

Excellent post VS. this is what MN is about. Support, understanding, empathy and sharing advice/experiences. Not this - I can do something really well, I don't have any problems lets bash some people that are feeling awful and see if we can actually push them over the edge.
Let's all of us remember this and keep to the spirit of MN and ignore these evil little harpies to their own perfect worlds. The thread that I think promted this really really upset me. Actually somewhere between upset and incensed. But having read some kind and intelligent words I'm feeling a little better.
Thanks.

[VictorianSqualor]

misty, unfortunately I think we all know the thread that made me want to write this
I was just hoping it would help anyone out there who, like me, (and everyone bar maybe one or two MNers) isn't what some might call 'perfect' but still have the best interests of their baby at heart feel so bad about it!

[VictorianSqualor]

oops, feel not so bad, obviously!

[AnAngelWithin]

totally agree. whatever decisions you make are the best ones. fantastic post VS. I tried to BF but didn't get much support with it. By the time I had my 4th it was assumed that I knew what I was doing. I fed dd2 (my 4th child) for 16 weeks, the longest I had BF any of mine. At the end of the day, my kids are healthy and happy. They aren't going to turn round in 20 years time and say 'why didn't you BF me for longer mum' are they? It is YOUR choice, nobody elses, and nobody should ever let people judge them or force them into doing something they don't want to do.

[LoveMyGirls]

I didn't breastfeed my dd2 because I had no milk. I had a breast reduction at 21yrs old, they told me there was 50% chance I would not be able to bf after bf-ing dd1 and not getting on with it very well I decided to go ahead with the surgery and deal with the consequences later. I'm happy that my children are healthy and I did my best in other ways. I don't feel guilty.

[michymama]

My DS was born at 31 weeks and in hospital for about a month. I was backwards and forwards to the hospital, looking after DD who was 14 months and trying to use a breastpump at home every 4 hours so I could take milk to my son. Every time I took the milk in it failed the test they do and they couldn't give it to him. I was desperate, when I was at the hospital I wanted to be with him, not in the breastfeeding room using the pump, at home I was exhausted and tryog to give attention to DD too. I was distressed my milk was failing and DS wasn't gaining any weight. I was a wreck and constantly in tears. One day an elderly irish mid wife had a chat with me and said "mummy is more important than milk". She talked to me and didn't judge me and I came to the decision to give DS formula. He was home a month later, although I carried the guilt with me for a long time.
Lovemygirls - I too had a breast reduction at 19 years old. I had milk but more on one side than the other which didn't help the situation !

[LoveMyGirls]

Michymama - Your story is so sad, you really should not feel any guilt.

[tiktok]

michy

What was the test they did on your milk? I have never heard of this.

[VictorianSqualor]

No, you certainly shouldn't, all we can have are the best intentions.

[michymama]

thank you ladies. It was to test for bacteria i think, coz I was extracting milk outside of the hospital it had to be tested. Probably coz prems are so fragile I would imagine. If I extracted milk in the hospital I could give it to him straight away, although it was via a tube, he couldn't suckle. He's a now a lively, healthy 3 year old, I've stoppde beating myself up about it but it was hard.

[Stefka]

Great thread. I am trying to BF at the moment but getting close to giving up. I am getting support but I have had over three weeks of agony now and I am not sure how much more I can take. It is good to know that there are people out there who won't judge me if I don't make it.

[Lawrene8]

What a great thread - Mums have so much guilt about everythign we should try and be supportive of each other.

[VictorianSqualor]

Stefka, I really hope, for your sake as much as baby's that you are able to find enough support to continue, as it is obviously something you wanted to do, but if you do give up, remember you did well to get as far as you have.

[TheYoungVisiter]

Hear hear. I have read the other thread and it made me want to poke the screen with a sharpened pencil.

I agree with everything you said VS, and HUGE kudos to all the mothers who walked over broken glass trying to feed their babies - it doesn't matter if you succeeded or not, the fact that you cared so much for your babies you were prepared to put yourselves through that fills admiration.

[tiktok]

michy, I share your sadness about this. I am sceptical of the test - I have investigated this before and there is no real evidence base. Any milk will show bacteria, just from the mum's skin. Generally speaking, hospitals are germier places than homes. You did what you could, and you have no alternative, with a tiny, vulnerable baby, but to follow the advice they give you. I am glad you have put it behind you.

[Spoo]

Great thread! Thank you.
from a not so perfect mum.

[SpikeandDru]

Hear hear VS. I breastfed my DS for 10 months but this was largely due to excellent support from my HV - without her the length of time would have been about 3 weeks.

I do not notice how other Mums feed their babies. Happy Mum and happy baby is what matters. Nobody should judge other parents for the decisions they make about feeding.

[ScottishMummy]

wonderful balanced post, good antidote to all the militant any baby can bf crew
this is the ethos of MN
supportive accepting recognition that it's bloody hard non-judgemental