How can I stop breastfeeding my toddler?

[MumToHolli]

Hi,

I've just found this board so I hope you don't mind me popping on with a question.

I'm still bf my dd who is 22 1/2 months and I'm really starting to feel the time has come to move on (why do I feel so sad at that thought?!) The thing is I have absolutely no idea how to go about it as she's such a fan of bf I can't ever see her voluntarily giving it up. It's just the one feed before bed at night and she usually tends to feed for 30-60 minutes, usually nearer the hour mark as if I try to stop her too early she starts to cry even if she's half sleeping. I have to stop her every time though otherwise I'd put money on her feeding all night long! I wouldn't say she depends on it to fall asleep, but she certainly depends on it to get very, very sleepy. She'll drink cow's milk during the day from a cup, in fact she loves it, and although she used to drink water all the time she's started wanting milk more during the day, but I still tend to only give her it the once. I tried giving her a cup of cow's milk tonight before she went to bed but she just wasn't having it at all. I tried to lie her back like she would be for bf but she just kept sitting herself up and starting to cry pointing to mummy's boob! Far from the relaxed state she's normally in during her feed.

I'd appreciate any advice on this topic as I really haven't a clue on how to go about it. She's such a great sleeper, I'd hate to ruin her routine at this stage.

Thanks in advance.

[hercules]

Go out for the evening a few times and leave her with her dad. She'll be fine!

[MadameButterfly]

Hi there,

I can only tell you what has worked for me.

I fed my DD until she was 2. I used to feed her at bedtime and if she woke in the night.

About a month before I stopped I told her that on her birthday she would be a BIG GIRL and they did not have "nummies" (her name for breast milk). I also started to give her a cup of warm milk at bedtime.

About 2 weeks before her birthday I asked her what happens on her birthday and she said "no nummies, cup of warm milk".

On the night of her birthday she did ask for nummies and cried a little when refused but soon settled. That was on the Sunday, by the Wednesday she went to bed no problem without having been BF.

Could you try that with your DD.

[MumToHolli]

Hmmm, I don't think that would work for my dd. She has special needs including speech and understanding delays so I don't think it would mean much to her. She does have moderate understanding so I could always try it and see, but I honestly can't imagine her drinking anything else at night!

[hercules]

One method in dh's country is to put a bitter nontoxic cream on your nipples and say the milks gone off!

[jasper]

Mumtoholli forgive me if I am off the mark here, in fact ignore me but you say you feel sad at the thought.

Are you really sure you are ready to give up? Is it your idea or are you feeling outside pressures or generally feeling it is somehow not "on" to feed an older child?

If so please be assured there are lots of us out there who have breastfed our children far longer than we ever intended to! For many of us it has been a lovely and very special experience.

If you are really sure you want to wean I am sure lots of the wise folk here will be able to offer advice. You will know what is best for you both.
Good luck and enjoy your little daughter.

[MumToHolli]

I think I just feel sad because it means I am losing my 'baby' and she's growing up. I think it's a natural feeling, but at the same time I do feel ready.

[Fran1]

Hi there, you sound very much like me!!

I still bf 18 mth old. Since she was a year, i have sort of wanted to give up, in order to sort out sleeping situation, as she was spending most of the night in our bed and feeding from me whenever she liked. She was also dependent on it to get "sleepy" as you say. I felt the only way to help her become independent in sleeping was to give up bf. I also had two v unhelpful health visitors tell me i MUST give up now and go cold turkey otherwise i'll never get her to stop. Along with a few friends going "you're not still breast feeding are you?"
Another issue i wasn't keen on was dd lifting my top frequently in public and announcing boobies!

Anyway thats the background, and since then i have, attempted cold turkey but neither me nor her could deal with it. But i did reluctantly start giving her a bottle of cows milk to go to bed with (she drinks from cup during the day, but i think needs the sucking motion at night), in the hope that maybe my milk would dry up and she would have no choice. Basically some nights she drinks this, and others she fights me so bad,she doesn't cry anymore just keeps pestering and refusing to sleep until i give in and bf.
Everytime she does bf, i say you're a big girl now and you don't need this now, and she also says her own version of that when she starts to lift my top!
I am now seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, i'd say maybe twice a week i bf, to sleep and the rest of the time she doesn't have anything. She does still climb in my bed in the morning and feed so my milk hasn't yet dried up, but i feel much happier that she is not completely dependent on me, and am happy to carry on the way we are as i now feel confident that it will eventually stop!
Another factor that helped the "change of routine" is that we got rid of the cot, which she had always hated and put her on a matress on the floor, she now feels very grown up and enjoys bedtime far more.
Sorry for the waffle, i hope i have explained myself ok, and really what i'm trying to say, is don't panic into trying to do it all at once as my hv told me to, some children don't take to that method.
Good luck!

[lulupop]

Hmmm, tough one - they certainly know how to get what they want at 2, don't they?

I know a girl who had this prob - her answer was to book herself a spa weekend away and leave her DS with granny (she is single mum).

Apparently he was pretty agitated the first night but then OK. And never needed BF again.

Not sure I could have done this, but if you are really determined maybe you could?

[Podmog]

Message withdrawn

[Pidge]

MumToHolli - I've just stopped feeding my dd at 2, though with us she really led the process. We were down to one feed in the morning and one day she just didn't want it. Though of course since then she has demanded 'booby' several times, even now it's almost 2 months since we quit!

Anyway - for the evening feed I did it in two stages. First I moved the feed away from the bedroom, so dd didn't got to sleep whilst feeding. I wanted her to learn to put herself to sleep even when I wasn't around, so we introduced a bedtime routine of feed downstairs, then teeth-brushing, story time and then bed. We did this when she was about 15 months and she adapted really well.

What that meant was that she gradually became less interested in the evening feed of her own accord, and it just got shorter and shorter till it was no longer wanted.

It also means your not trying to stop breastfeeding AND introducing a change to the bedtime routine at the same time. Hopefully less disruptive.