I will try and keep this brief....
My background is... my Mum didn't breastfeed us, and she almost sounded shocked at the suggestion that she might have breastfed, like it was something dirty.
During both my previous pregnancies I planned to breastfeed. DS1 was 10lb 10oz and I had a bad labour, he was posterior and I suffered a bad tear. I attempted to breastfeed but he made my nipples bleed within a few minutes. I was already starting to feel depressed and it made me feel like I didn't like my baby. The midwifes tried bullying me into breastfeeding and it just made me more and more depressed. As soon as I got home I bottle fed him. I was then put on anti-depressants so couldn't have taken up breastfeeding if I'd wanted to.
DS2 latched on really well at hospital, labour was perfect, no tears or anything. I bonded really well with him. On day 3 depression seemed to hit me again, but it resulted in horrible anxiety attacks, I was prescribed Diazepam, this worked brilliantly, but again, because of the drugs, had to change to bottle. When DS2 was 5 weeks old we moved house, so were REALLY busy and I just continued with bottle feeding. When DS was 7 weeks old I asked community nurse if I could take up breast feeding again as I was still getting milk, but she said there would be no point.
OK - my issues are
- When I was BF I felt like a cow,
- I feel embarrassed getting my breasts out in front of people,
- It feels somehow 'rude' to me, because breasts are associated with sex,
- I have a tendancy to suffer from depression and end up on medication, albeit for a very short while,
- I get told that because my babies are big I will end up breastfeeding constantly (DS2 was 10lb 4oz)
I really really want to get over these hurdles, because I desperately want to be able to BF this one, due in September, so you've got a while to help me....
Thank you in advance, again sorry for long one.