Would it be kinder to give up BF totally?

[ArtichokeTagine]

My 8 month old DD has been breastfed since birth. She has never used a bottle except for when I give her water with a meal and she will take about 20ml. She loves breastfeeding and so do I.

I am returning to work in 3 weeks and she will go to nursery from 9am to 6pm 3 days a week. She obviously needs to take a bottle or cup of milk by then. She wont. I have tried every type of bottle (Tommee Tippee closer to nature, Avent, Nuk). I have tried a doidy cup and other beakers. She will take a bit of water or juice but never milk. For the last two days I have tried withholding the breast to force the issue. She has waited 'til she is starving (despite eating 3 good solid meals a day) and thirsty then got inconsolable rooting for the breast. I have ended up giving in both days.

My SiL is a very sensible, nice HV and she says that I may have to stop BF completley to get DD to drink milk from a bottle or cup. This is partly because DD has a dairy allergy so the formula I can give her does not taste great and while she can still get breastmilk she will hold out for it. I do not want to give up BF but I also do not want DD to starve or dehydrate while I am away. I want to get this sorted out ASAP as starting nursery will be stressful enough for her without not being able to drink while she is there.

What should I do. Is it kinder to stop BFing now so she is sorted by the time she starts nursery or to leave her at nursery with no known way to get her to take milk?

[fingerwoman]

you may find that she will take a bottle or cup from nursery even if she won't with you because it will all be new and completely different and she won't be expecting a breastfeed from them.

if I were you I would get expressing now, and build up a big supply in freezer. I am sure she'd be more willing to take EBM than dairy-free formula.

give her a big breastfeed when you frop her off, and leave enough ebm for them to offer her throughout the day. if she doesn't want it, then get them to offer her water instead.

then give her a nice big breastfeed when you pick her up.

[tiktok]

Oh goodness me...stopping bf, which you both enjoy and which does her the power of good, because of working just 3 days a week? With a baby 8 mths?

Easiest thing is to bf her normally on the 4 days you are with her, plus early morning and evening/night on the 3 days you are away, and trust that she will maintain her fluid levels with water or juice and sloppy solids and high-water fruit and veg.

She will not suffer a bit nutritionally, and however nice your SIL is she should know that

[mears]

At 8 months your baby does not need to drink milk at all from a bottle or beaker. She can have water of juice to drink when she is at nursery. Breastfeed her as normal on your days off. Presumably you will breastfeed her in the morning before she goes and feed her also when she comes home?

[hoxtonchick]

i went back to work 2 days a week when dd was 7ish months, & she went to nursery. i bfed her 'til she was 18 months. she was a serial bottle refuser too, it was horrid. she eventually went for playtex ones which seem to have b-fed friendly teats. she didn't drink much at nursery, but enough to keep her going. and i just fed her when she was with me, so as soon as i picked her up from nursery, & for whole days when i didn't work. my milk supply wasn't affected at all (though i did get a bit engorged at work initially) & it all worked really well.

so all in all, don't feel you have to give up bfeeding if you don't want to. she won't starve herself at nursery, honestly. hth and good luck.

[hoxtonchick]

oh good, i agree with the professionals .

[ArtichokeTagine]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Mears, Tiktok and Hoxtonchick - i had hoped she might be able to do without milk while at nursery and my plan was as you describe - feed her first thing and last thing (and normally on the days that I am not working) and leave her to get nutrition from food and hydrated from water. However for the past two days I have been trying that while she is with me and she gets desperate for milk by about 2pm. She startes crying and rooting and seems really desperate. Will that not happen at nursery? Is it just because I am there at the moment and she knows I could feed her?

Fingerwoman - I have tried expressing but am not keen on it as I find it painful and slow and DD has always refused EBM too. It is soul destroying having to pour my hard expressed milk away when she will not take a bottle.

[tiktok]

Arti, there seems to be no point in trying to 'practise' this in advance. If she gets to need a bf at 2 pm, just give it to her. Why upset her? When you are not around, if she's thirsty she will take some water or juice. At the moment, you are asking her to do something that's pointless (not give her a bf when you are there ) and she can be forgiven, in her baby way, for not undestanding why she cannot have a bf, and for getting upset, bless

[mears]

I would say it is the breast she wants rarther than the milk ( milk is a byproduct!)

When she is at nursery, and you are not there, she will accept she cannot have it.

I went back to work with all my 4 children and they all accepted that I wasn't there. Didn't seem to miss me. Liked to make up for it when i was there with extra feeds. She will be fine

[katyjo]

Hi Artichoke,
I went back to work when ds was about 8 months and I used to spend ages expressing enough milk for when I was away, would he take it-no way! In the end I just left water and diluted fruit juice. Ds has just finised breast feeding at 13 months and now loves his cows milk.
Don't give up bf, it is lovely when you have been at work to bf your child, still needs his mummy for that!
Enjoy being back at work, it makes the time you spend with your baby that much more special.
Katy
xxxx

p.s. I started using the nuk learner bottle with ds when he was about 8 months, its more like a cup with a soft spout, he wouldn't take bottle either,

[lemonaid]

I went back when DS was 8 months. I'd spent ages stressing over the fact that he wouldn't drink from a bottle or a cup or a beaker. What happened was that for the first couple of weeks he continued not to drink from them at nursery but woke up more at night for a feed (reverse cycling). Then he gradually got the hang of it, started drinking at nursery and dropped the night wakings. We're still nursing now (a couple of times a day) at nearly 27 months.

He was perfectly happy throughout the "transition" period he was getting what he wanted/needed in a 24 hour period. And it wasn't particularly unusual the nursery staff said that they often had bf children come in who wouldn't use a bottle or cup and that this was a standard pattern of adjustment.

[lemonaid]

I went back when DS was 8 months. I'd spent ages stressing over the fact that he wouldn't drink from a bottle or a cup or a beaker. What happened was that for the first couple of weeks he continued not to drink from them at nursery but woke up more at night for a feed (reverse cycling). Then he gradually got the hang of it, started drinking at nursery and dropped the night wakings. We're still nursing now (a couple of times a day) at nearly 27 months.

He was perfectly happy throughout the "transition" period he was getting what he wanted/needed in a 24 hour period. And it wasn't particularly unusual the nursery staff said that they often had bf children come in who wouldn't use a bottle or cup and that this was a standard pattern of adjustment.

[ImpyChica]

Hi Artichoke

For the past week and a half I've just been b-feeding my 9 month DS at bedtime, dream feed and morning. He then has water (or chilled rooibos tea - he's so trendy!) from a cup at nursery and with me in the afternoon. It seems to be going ok - though he has been rooting around me a bit the past couple of days as he's a bit poorly.

One thing I would warn you about - though it may have only been a weird thing with me - is that you maybe shouldn't chop and change your b-feeding routine too much as you could be more susceptible to blocked ducts/mastitis. I've had these problems once a month for the past 4 or so - and my doctor told me to stop b-feeding because of it. I ignored her but have cut down my feeds to the three mentioned in the hope that it will decrease my supply a bit and I hopefully won't get blocked ducts again... There was a stage when I was b-feeding a lot at weekends/holidays and then not during the week and it probably confused my norks no end and caused the problems.

Anyway - good luck. I'd be against stopping b/feeding when you both enjoy it. I'm sure you're DD will be fine at nursery - try not to worry, hard I know!

Impy

[FromGirders]

Hi there, thought I'd add a post from the carer's pov. I'm a childminder and have recently started a new mindee who is fully bf and only just starting to wean (she was just over six months). Her mum was worried because she wouldn't take anything from a beaker or cup, or even much solids at all. She settled in with me for short days, and by the time she was on her third day she was eating solids (purees) very nicely, and lots of finger food too. two weeks later she's taking a beaker as well, and eating better at home, but only for her dad. If mum's around, she's by far the best option! She hasn't been grizzly or thirsty or hungry at any point - she's just accepted that things are different at my house.
Sorry to have rambled, just trying to say that you wee one will almost certainly be absolutely fine with you feeding her breakfast and dinner!
Lots of luck with going back to work.

[compo]

Agree with the others. Also could you get dh/dp t do a trial run one day and see what happens at 2pm when you're not there? Then you'll know she'll be fine.

[ArtichokeTagine]

Thank you all for sharing your advice and experiences. You have given me hope that I can continue BF and that DD might be OK at nursery (on the food front at least, I will not even start thinking about her trying to nap without being pushed in her buggy...). I am glad I am not the only person to get myself into this position. It was also really helpful to hear about things from a carers perspective FromGirders. I hope the nursery can give the same kind of care and attention you gave your mindee. I wanted to send her to a childminer but could not find one in my area.

I think I will stop "practising" now and will just encourage more water and juice drinking over the next couple of weeks.

[kiskidee]

my dd is 2 and never drinks cow's milk as a drink as she doesn't like the taste of it. she is at nursery full time from 4 months (i used to express for her when she wasn't on solids). Your dd will be fine as everyone else says.

[ProfYaffle]

I was in a very similar position with dd1 when I went back to work. dd seemed to really 'click' with drinking formula (only from a cup though, was also a bottle refusnik) at nursery, probably due to other people doing it, seeing other kids doing it etc

[SydneyB]

Really interesting to hear all this. I am going back to work in a couple of months and DD will be 7 months and will be nursery 3.5 days a week. Is a really good nursery and I have faith in them but also nervous about feeding/napping side of things. DD only 4.5 months so haven't started weaning yet but am nervous that start of nursery coincides with some major changes on the food front for DD. Want to keep B/F at least for the morning and evening feeds but at the moment DD feeds 2 hourly throughout the day and am worried about how she will cope at nursery without that. Still, she'll be 2.5 months older than she is now so hopefully things will be different by then. Is so stressful though isn't it Artichoke? Feel physically sick at thought of leaving her but have no choice...

[katyjo]

Don't worry SydneyB, my ds was still having really frequent feeds at 4 months but by 7 months was only on about 3 or 4 feeds a day (breakfast, mid afternoon, bed and dream feed). Once he started solids things changed quite rapidly.
Don't worry about naps either, I have always tried to make sure I plan naps etc actually get a bit too neurotic about it, but when I'm at work ds just suits himself and it doesn't make a bit of difference, if he has a late sleep he sometimes stays awake longer in the evening, but I really enjoy this time with him when I have been at work (you have alot more energy!)
I remember how stressful it was organising childcare and thinking about leaving him for the first time, but I have been back at work for 6 months now and ds is thriving and the hardest bit about leaving him now is worrying that he won't miss me.
Good luck, don't worry
xxx

[SydneyB]

Thanks for the reassurance Katyjo! So good to hear. Out of curiosity, was your DS at nursery?

[Jenkeywoo]

sympathies from me on the dairy free formula front - DD is also allergic to dairy and has been prescribed 'pepti' - it smells and tastes foul and there is no way she'll drink it. She is also very reluctant to have anything other than breastmilk from me and only now at a year old does she drink ok - weirdly through a straw! I just put a straw in a cup of water etc and she'll drink quite well - I don't mind as long as she's getting something. We've also decided not to attempt to give her formula when I'm not around as she won't drink it and all she seems to do is save up and feed loads later on. I also find that if I'm around she tries to sneak more feeds in but when I'm not around can go quite a long time without BF and it doesn't seem to bother her. Good luck and I hope you find a happy medium for you both!