The end of bf - I feel so rotten?

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

My dd had her last bf last night. She is 17mths and would happily keep going but I want to TTC in the autumn and we are getting married this summer - somehow the time seemed right and I decided Easter Sunday - rebirth and all that .

Tonight she went down with just a few extra cuddles, chuntering and complaining a bit for around 15 mins - no worse than when she doesn't fall asleep on the job though. I, on the other hand, cried my way through my supper - I feel so low I can't believe it and dp thinks I am a wuss and should be celebrating her moving on and becoming more independent. Why do I feel so hurt/ lost/ sad/ don't know what I feel??? Can't quite believe I am never going to have THAT closeness with her again.

Tell me I'll feel better in a couple of weeks though eh?!

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh belgian I really feel for you Ds decided to stop recently and I still feel sad about it

Don't forget your hormones will be all over the shop and you need to take great care of yourself at this time.

You are quite sure you want to stop now? Getting mixed messages from your post, not surprisingly...

I do understand all the mixed feelings. I felt better after talking to people about it and ds and I also planned a day together doing "big boy things" to celebrate (he went to a proper hairdresser for the first time, and we went for lunch together)

I still miss it now

I think you will feel better in a couple of weeks though - if stopping is really what you want to do?

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

Thanks franny! Yes - I think I do... but the reality is hard - feels like I could put it off till she went to secondary school tonight but don't think I would be doing her any favours there!!! (Saw that documentary on Extended Bf when she was tiny and it made me feel rather unwell!!) I underestimated how powerful the whole bf thing would be I think.

The fact that she went to sleep so easily this evening just reinforces to me that the time is right - she has been down to one 15 feed at bed time for a while now. Boobs are very slack in their production too (and in everything else ) - she pulled off the left one the other week and shrugged her shoulders and lifted her palms to the sky - her sign when she has finished her dinner - as if to say 'all gone mummy'!!

As a working mum I think I feel so guilty that I don't have more time for her/ and dp/ and friends etc etc etc and that 15 mins at bed time was the one thing that only I could do for her. Sorry if messages are mixed - guess that shows how I am feeling!

[FrannyandZooey]

Well, you know most children left to their own devices will self wean between the ages of 2 and 4

it really is unusual for a child to continue much longer than that, so it could only be a short time until she decided for herself that the time was right....

but if you are happy with your decision then it sounds as if you have achieved it with very little fuss

gentle weaning is a great thing and something to be proud of IMO

please make sure you both get the extra cuddles and nurturing that you need at this point

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

Thank you! Off to bed to see if dp is awake enough to give me a cuddle!!!!
Thanks again
bb xx

[bristols]

Belgian, I feel for you too. I breast fed DS for 5 months (a relatively short time compared to you) when, for various reasons, I stopped. In myself, I felt ready to stop and I had come to terms with it pretty well. It did, however, cause many tears. It did get better after a few weeks. Even now, two months later, I miss that closeness. I think that although I felt ready to stop, I would really have liked to have continued. I don't think that makes much sense, nor is it relevant to your situation but have just this second made that connection.

Anyway, I hope it gets better for you soon. And good luck with the TTC

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

Can hear dp snoring from bottom of stairs!!!!

"although I felt ready to stop, I would really have liked to have continued"

Bristols - totally how I feel!!! I have loved breastfeeding dd and know that it has been something that I am good at and that has done her the world of good ! I would love to keep going but feel that there is a time to stop and for us that time is now. I honestly think this is more traumatic for me than for her which is how it should be imo! In fact it is obviously not traumatic for her at all as she has gone off to sleep with a minimum of fuss. But it doesn't alter the fact that my mashed potato was very soggy this evening cos I couldn't stop snivelling!

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

petitlapin - I am VERY wary who I tell that I am still (or was still ) bfing. You get some very weird looks. But the weirdest I had was back mid february when dd had hideous gastric flu (emetophobe mother en plus!) and I had booked tickets on eurostar to take her to her granny's. By the time we travelled she had stopped being sick and had a high temp and was attached to my boobs like a limpet the whole journey. Ooh people did think I was a pervert but I thoroughly enjoyed staring them out and smiling sweetly at them!!!

[bristols]

I think its all very complex and people that haven't been there just can't understand. I was well supported; lots of 'you did well to bf for this amount of time' etc etc. but that didn't help much. I tried to focus on the positive points to giving up. He was not weaned so having lots of boob. I was pleased at the prospect of going to bed with no bra, buying new underwear, being able to hand the feeding over to someone else and generally having my body back. At the time it felt as though it had been going on forever but now, when I look back, I realise it was a very short time in the grand scheme of things.

From reading F&Z's recent posts I have come to the conclusion that these feelings are normal, no matter when you stop bf. Even when it's your LO's decision, as in her case.

LL, try not to let other people's inconsiderate comments upset you. I know that's very, very difficult but have confidence in knowing that you are doing the very best for your baby

[FrannyandZooey]

Oh LL I am very and for you

how very thoughtless and immature of her

but it says more about our culture than it does about your parenting choices, ultimately

we have this big fkn deal about not letting children show any signs of dependency

it's ruddy twisted

[Ellbell]

Awww belgianbun... No useful advice, sorry, as had huge problems with bf with both mine and didn't last as long as I'd have liked. However, you've been so nice to me in the past that I couldn't pass this by without sending you a big (((hug))). Hang on in there. It will get better.

[FrannyandZooey]

Bristols good name for this thread

Yes I am positive it is normal to feel grief at the end of breastfeeding, no matter at what stage or for what reason the weaning takes place

[bristols]

LL - I hope you didn't find my post offensive?

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

I think that is a key issue though littlelapin. I really feel for women who find it hard to bf BUT I will not apologise for my success in it. Dd is on 95th centile!!! lol

All of dp's family have been bottle fed and dd's cousins are too (and jars and only jars but that is another pet rant). Dp's BIL actually told me he thought I was disgusting bfing dd when we last went to stay when she was 12 mths. Not surprisingly both his dc's have been bottle fed despite his wife telling me she was keen to bf dd2 while pg. He is and shall always be a total kn*b!

Judgements can be so harsh either way - all we are trying to do is what's best for our lo's fgs!

[belgianEASTERbunNY]

Thank you Ellbell!!! That is so sweet of you!

[Ellbell]

Well, you held my hand for ages the other night when I thought dd2 might be sick. (She was fine, btw, the little madam! )

Horrified at your friend's reaction LL. I struggled to bf, but if anything am envious of those of you who manage to keep it going. Definitely not disgusted.

[bristols]

I just thought you might have found the bit about having confidence in what you're doing a bit patronising. You responded very passionately! Maybe am a bit paranoid as everything has been very fraught on here tonight and am not as eloquent at writing what I want to say as I would like to be.

Anyway, thank you all for this chat. I have made a few realisations about my own thoughts and feelings here. I think they run deeper than I recognised. Must go to bed now before my head explodes

Night all

[Eulalia]

Just a quickie (bedtime) just to say that I got pg easily when I was still breastfeeding as long as your periods are back and regular it won't affect your fertility. Sounds like you want to stop though anyway. Good luck.

[chocolateface]

I felt bad when I stopped with DS1 I tried to start again a couple of days later, but he just wasn't interested - he was 9 months. Hopefully you'll be starting again with your next C soon!

[HaggisSupper]

I would hav loved to feed dd for longer but we gave it up nearly a month ago now, just before she turned 11 months. She was no longer interested in feeding from me and just wanted to nip me all the time so I decided the timing was right. I felt a bit sad, but between both my children, I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for nearly 3 years. I celebrated this fact by having a few glasses of wine guilt-free

Well done you for going so long