Complaining to your hospital if you weren't supported to breastfeed

[hunkermunker]

Did you?

What was the outcome?

If not, why didn't you? What would have made it easier for you to complain?

(I do understand there are many and various reasons why women don't complain, btw - I'm not having a go at you if you didn't! Just want to know how to make it easier for women to talk about their experiences)

[shonaspurtle]

I was supported but there were still lots of things that went wrong. I kept meaning to write to the Head of Midwifery with suggestions on how it could have been improved for someone like me but never had the time/head was too messed etc etc.

At a recent hv appointment though, my hv asked me what would have helped make bf easier and that was great. We had a long chat where I told her what had been good/bad/indifferent. She said she will pass this on to the bf counsellor at the hospital who is in charge of staff education.

So, that sort of debriefing is useful I think but I was very lucky to get it.

[beansprout]

I saw a bewildering range of people in the 2 days I was there. Some supportive, but some not at all - especially the one that kept taking ds and trying to get formula down him . I didn't complain as he was my first and it's only now that I realise just how crap a lot of the "support" was.

I got all my info from MN and NCT publications. I'm the sort of stubborn mare who will always go out and find out for myself but a different person or someone who didn't have the same level of support from their dp or dh could easily just be put off.

I didn't complain but boy will I be better prepared next time (if there is a next time, but that's another story.... )

[hunkermunker]

Debriefing v good.

I wonder if more women don't complain because the advice came from "nice" people and they "don't want to upset them"?

[Nikki76]

I complained to my HV and she said they had seen 350 women from this particular hospital that had come out with baby not latching on properly. They said they had spoken to them time and time again but they just weren't listening. By the time I got home, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was fed up with my nipples being grabbed by the various nurses as if it was going out of fashion!!

[CarGirl]

tbh I was so focused on getting bf established/painless that I didn't have the energy to complain although the fact I discharged myself at 2am (with a baby that wasn't feeding) didn't seem to instigate any follow up either

[bunnypeculiar]

No - didn't
Do you know it never occured to me ...
Why not .. um

1. IME, telling medical staff they're crap doesn't go down well
   
2. Too exhausted to kick off
   
3. I was too busy worring about 101 baby things - included whether I was b/f ok to prioritise this
   
4. I didn't want to get specific people in trouble. Back to shcool 'don't dob people in' attitude. Daft but true.
   
   What would ahve helped? How about a brief questionnaire on leaving (put into an annonymous box) that asked about your experiences with a specific qu or two about b/fing. I would have put something on that...

[shonaspurtle]

It's definitely hard to complain about people who you know weren't being "nasty" or deliberately neglectful, just too busy and maybe ill informed themselves.

I think that's why the hv was a good person for me to speak to. She was "neutral" in that she was new so hadn't been involved in my care up to that point.

Obviously though, quite often the person you might want to complain about is the hv!

[fishie]

i complained about several things including poor bf support and did it through patient liason. that was good, really easy i just spoke to them over the phone so no hassle. i got a written apology and promise of volunteer counsellors on the ward

i do regret not doing something about the evil bitch who taunted me because ds was crying and i didn't want to give him a bottle but couldn't get him to bf either. i'd just had a cs after a three day induction. and the other mw who gave ds a bottle after i'd been defeated and wouldn't even let me do it. they changed my notes so i had no evidence to complain.

[chirpygirl]

I complained as I wasn't defended by the midwives against the other mothers on the ward who requested that my DD be given formula 'so she will shut up and we can all finally get some f'in sleep', in fact, most of them were on te other mother's side

But I am a chicken and complained anonymously so I don't know what happened!

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[chirpygirl]

BTW, meant to add, I only complained after being encouraged to by my surgery's midwife as the first thing she asked was 'were you supported in bfing'

I think some sort of debrief once you have elft the hospital is essential TBH.

[ejt1764]

No I didn't - the whole birth experience was so traumatic for me that I was grateful to get out of there alive!

I go next to no support with bf - I had had an emergency CS, and was the only woman in the CS section even attempting bf - all requests for help resulted in either my boob being grabbed and womanhandled / or tuts & mutterings about being too busy (snd this in a supposedly bf friendly hospital!)

Why didn't I complain? Feeling too vulnerable and in shock about the whole thing.

A gentle debrief by somebody completely unrelated to the hospital (perhaps one of the community midwives, at the discharge visit ?) would have helped enormously.

I count myself lucky - all my friends I had met in antenatal class bf their babies - and with their help and support, and the help of the NCT breastfeeding counsellor, I managed to bf my baby until he was 8 months old.

I'm now pg again - and will be a lot more vociferous about everything this time around!

[hunkermunker]

Really interesting stuff - thanks, ladies. I think part of the problem is that people who seek to make these things better aren't intimidated by hospitals, because they work in them. So with the best will in the world, they won't necessarily realise that for some people, it's impossible to revisit the trauma of birth/early feeding problems with the very people who are part of the "establishment" that let them down.

How about Patient Liaison Services - did any of you know about them at your hospital?

[nogoes]

I was advised by my community midwives to complain but I found my stay in hospital so humilating and degrading that I just wanted to forget all about it.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

I didn't complain at the time, although I was absolutely devastated by not being able to BF and by the horrible time we had in hospital. I went home after 7 days and contacted someone from the LLL, who made me realist just how bad the 'support' had been. She gave me loads of helpful advice. I was re-admitted with an infection 2 days later and when I was following the advice of the LLL person the staff on the ward were really hostile and defensive, for example "You must understand that it is not possible to do this in a hospital setting" (cup feed - WTF?). Then I found the breastfeeding policy, a tatty bit of paper sellotaped to a wall somewhere, which said that they should demonstrate cup feeding etc to all mothers struggling to BF and not offer bottles. The policy was not followed even slightly.

I wrote a letter to my local paper but it wasn't printed. I told my community midwife. And now I have joined the breastfeeding committee at the hospital and the LLL, to try and make sure that things improve.

nut

[Sterny]

Hi Nine - how's it going? Are you still expressing? My ds is now bf full time and I have broken free from the breastpump (except when I go to work)

After my ds was discharged from hospital (he was in for 3 weeks as was prem) I went back to give a talk about my experience at a breastfeeding study day run by the neonatal midwives. There were lots of sharp intakes of breath at some of the horrific things I had been told (such as 'put him on formula, you'll get him home quicker') and some of the audience members were actually crying at the end. It felt great to get things off my chest.

I never made an official complaint. Perhaps I should have. Once ds was home though I was too preoccupied and tired to do anything but the bare minimum!

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Hi Sterny

I have been reading your posts in other threads and I am delighted for you that you are fully BF now - well done. I am still expressing unfortunately but I have dropped the night express with no loss of supply, and only express 4 times a day now so I am feeling less exhausted. I still wish it had worked out for us but at least DS gets the milk, which is the most important thing. DS is nearly 7 months now and I will carry on until he is at least a year I think, maybe longer.

It must have been cathartic for you to talk about your experiences at the hospital. I am sure that it will have helped improve things for other mums.

[grannyquackersleetlefuffychick]

i've had adequate support for bf my recent babies

but it was a laugh years ago, when my first dd was born in 1985 (things hadn't changed in 87 with dd2) we were instructed to only bf every 4 hours and only for 3 minutes at a time. we had to write the times down too. i was doing this until one of the older mums told me it was a load of rubbish! everyone (almost everyone) knew it was nonsense and yet we all kept up the pretence.

i know times have changes but has the sense of pwerlessness changed? that would be the reason why i never complained all those years ago. the hospital and their way of doing things seemed like an unsurmaountable force

[nogoes]

grannyquackers, I had ds in 2004 and I was also given that advice. Common sense told that that it wouldn't work for a newborn.

[grannyquackersleetlefuffychick]

nogoes, i'd love to know how such bad advice became standard in so many hospitals.

[TwinklemEGGan]

No I didn't because they were all so nice, even though they messed me up. It wasn't until I joined MN and reflected on the whole thing that I realised that th support was actually pretty poor.

I have frequently considered complaining that DS's tongue tie wasn't spotted, but then I've been told nothing would have been done anyway. And that's a resourcing issue that they're aware of so I decided there wasn't a lot of point.

[TwinklemEGGan]

I haven't pursued the traumatic birth either because 8 months on the memories have faded. You're very right though that if we don't pursue these things they won't know there's a problem.

[mears]

I think it is a shame that more mothers do not complain so that the service can be improved. Most hospitals have a @How can we make things better@ type leaflet asking for comments but they are hardly ever filled in.

I think hospitals should be more proactive and seek women's views on various aspects of their care. Perhaps giving a questionnaire home asking about breastfeeding support would be a good idea.

The only thing is I am still not sure many mums would complete it. How many of us fill in the questionnaire on the restaurant table?

Another question I would have is how many women prepare themselves for breastfeeding by seeking out more information before the baby arrives? I'll star a new thread on that one.

[hunkermunker]

I think a questionnaire given out when you get the red book, and asked for when you have your six-week check would work.

It could have supplementary questions about the care and support a new mum received in hospital, in the first ten days when still under midwife care at home and subsequent visits from HVs. If the GP was asking this at the six-week check, more women might feel able to talk about it?

[fishie]

hunker and mears do you really believe that hospitals (and partiuclarly the midwves that i met) would give a toss what we think though?

complaining yes, and i wish hvs and community midwives were more clued up to support new mothers to do this, but what would they atually do with feedback?

and it's hardly in NHS interests to do an exit interview at hsopital, everyone would find something to complain about, reasonable grounds or not. i do have a very negative view of all this though and would love to be wrong