Is my baby hungry or just doesn't want to be alone?

(9 Posts)
Itsaplayonwords Wed 17-Aug-16 15:18:25

DD is 8 weeks old (1 week corrected). She has been sleeping on our chests pretty much since she came out of hospital as she hates her cot. She will generally fall asleep feeding, which I don't mind, and if I hold her she's perfectly settled but the second I lay her down in her cot she is wide awake and seems hungry. I will get her up, feed her, put her down and she wakes up again. If I hold her she sleeps fine - usually for 2-3 hours before she'll wake for her next feed. So is she hungry? Or does she just hate her cot? And what can I do if it's the latter?

Coconut0il Wed 17-Aug-16 16:56:55

She just wants to be close to you. She doesn't even know she's a different person to you yet. Have you read about the fourth trimester? I would say it's a mix of hunger and comfort.
I feed DS2 to sleep. We've co slept since night one as I need as much sleep as possible. He has his naps on my lap as he sleeps better this way. For the first few months I just got comfy on the settee and held him and fed him and watched box setsgrin
Other things to try are warming the cot first with a hot water bottle, putting something that smells like you in the cot, white noise, swaddling, a sleepyhead smile

Itsaplayonwords Wed 17-Aug-16 18:33:17

Thank you for responding. We have a version of the sleepy head but she doesn't seem keen. She's still little though so she doesn't touch the sides, maybe when she's a bit bigger she'll find it cosier. She will sometimes sleep in her carrycot during the day, I'm going to try that upstairs tonight. I have read about the 4th trimester and it makes perfect sense but I worry about her sleeping on my chest when I'm also asleep. She's fine and I don't roll over like that but they always tell you not to do it. I instinctively worry about getting her in to bad habits as well but I'm trying to follow the advice I've had from MN and not worry about that because I'm giving her what she needs. It's hard though when DD1 is such an awful sleeper and we did all the same things in the early days.

FurryGiraffe Wed 17-Aug-16 19:05:11

DS2 was on my chest for a few weeks, then next to me in bed, then bedside cot and now at 13 weeks we're putting him in the cot properly. I do understand about the bad habits but I think it's often an unnecessary worry: she's absolutely tiny and will change. FWIW DS1 was an amazing sleeper (in cot from word go and through the night at 12 weeks despite being EBF). It all went to pot at 18 months and at 3.3 he often doesn't sleep through and basically wants to co sleep. It certainly isn't a result of bad habits as a baby. Apparently DH was just the same- I think there's a lot of luck/genetics there.

Itsaplayonwords Wed 17-Aug-16 19:25:51

Thanks Giraffe. I have to remind myself that she technically should only have just left my body so although she's been here for nearly 2 months she is still feeling as though she's a part of me. It's just so difficult when you're always told you're making a rod for your own back and you here about these people who have babies who sleep through the night in their own cot (like your DS1!) and you think they must be doing something right while you're doing something wrong. And I will always find an excuse to hold her rather than try to put her down - mainly because I just want to cuddle and comfort her! But you always feel that it's the wrong thing to be doing. I find MN to be quite unique in having the opinion that constantly holding or co-sleeping with your newborn is actually okay. It's refreshing but still a little bit alien to me!

FurryGiraffe Wed 17-Aug-16 20:59:51

I completely get where you're coming from Itsaplay - real life is so anti co-sleeping you feel that you should be getting a total of two hours a night in ten minute bursts rather than just have them in the bed with you! I tend to assume people lie a lot! It's the same with babies who sleep in cots during the day. Even my MIL who is really AP by nature kept telling me to put DS2 down for naps when he was two weeks old. I eventually said to her he was my last baby and I'll cuddle if I want to! Because I knew he'd only wake up and is have to deal with the resulting grumpy mess

Coconut0il Wed 17-Aug-16 21:24:26

I find that too, a fb group I'm on often has questions about sleep and the advice is almost always cc. I definitely prefer the mumsnet view. DS2 is definitely my last baby and I'll be cuddling him as much as possible.
I would struggle to sleep if he was on my chest though. Luckily he is happy next to me instead. Is there any way you could do a sneaky turn so she is next to you instead of on you?
How old is your DD1? My DS1 slept on and off in my bed till he was about 3. He's 12 now and from 3 onwards he's been fine.

Itsaplayonwords Wed 17-Aug-16 21:52:01

DD1 is 2.6. She still wakes up during the night but usually it's just because she's lost her dummy. I'm hoping once we get rid of the dummy she'll settle but I can't tackle that just yet! To be honest she never really co-slept but in the early days she wouldn't sleep in her cot and also slept on our chests. She did eventually go in her cot but bedtime was and still is a battle and she always had to be rocked to sleep. She is much better than she was but that first year or so was a nightmare.

As for DD1 sleeping on my chest, I actually feel safer like that than with her next to me. Sometimes she'll fall asleep next to me if I feed her laying down but then I'm so worried I'm going to roll onto her whereas when she's laying on my chest I don't move in my sleep. Maybe it's because she's still so small - she's just under 7lb - and when she's a bit bigger I might feel better about her sleeping next to me.

Coconut0il Wed 17-Aug-16 22:04:15

Yes it is easier when they're bigger, DS2 was over 9lb born and has always been a chunky monkey smile Whatever gets you the most sleep is what I would do.

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