Newborn feeding ALL THE TIME!

(18 Posts)
MaverickSnoopy Sun 24-Jul-16 08:43:11

I am on my knees. DD2 is 10 days old. She has spent almost the entire time feeding. Latch has been checked and confirmed excellent by two MW's. Checked for tongue tie, all fine. But she spends all her awake time rooting, sucking and crying. Almost as soon as she latches she pulls herself off and then gets upset that she's not eating and repeat 5-15 times before actually eating. MW suggested I may have a slow let down. Eating then lasts approx 5 mins before she falls asleep. If I move a fraction she wakes up wanting more - great - except above process is repeated - latch on/off and fall asleep. I say sleeping, but she's not asleep long enough for it to qualify as sleep and has probably only had a handful of very short day time naps since she's been born. A few nights she's slept for 3 hours or so but that's literally it.

She is clearly exhausted as am I. I have had a grand total of 23 hours sleep in 10 days. I am seeing double, feel sick and have a blinding headache. DH is doing really everything he can to help, including feeding me, all housework, looking after DD1 who is becoming challenging (largely because I am a zombie, she misses me and is being kept awake half the night by a screaming baby), doing all nappy changes and taking DD2 in the night to try and let me sleep...but she just screams for him and wants food. I think she just wants to pacify as she has lots of wet and dirty nappies and is gaining weight. We even tried a dummy but she just spits it out.

DH is back at work soon and I will have both DC on my own in the day time. I don't know how I am going to cope.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can get some sleep into my tired girl and help her eat properly?

hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jul-16 08:51:34

I've bf 4 DC, I was told when I had my first one that they will want to feed continuously around 10 days, think it helps up your milk production.
If you want to continue to bf I think you might just have to go with it for now, hopefully it'll calm down soon. As she falls asleep have you tried tickling her feet/stroking her cheek and ear to keep her feeding? She may be falling asleep too soon due to being over tired? Could you set it up to safely co-sleep?
I think I would settle in for today to feed her and let her sleep on me. Get the tv remote/phone/drink/book within reaching distance and get DH on board. A good feed and lots of sleep might help reset it, an overtired baby is a nightmare to settle.

Northernlurker Sun 24-Jul-16 08:56:18

Will she sleep in the car? If so I would find somebody to mind dd1, ask dh to fill car up and plan a three hour round trip and you go to bed.
Failing that I agree, you need to plan to feed her all day and co sleep with her in your bed. Do you have a television in your room or iPad or radio?

MaverickSnoopy Sun 24-Jul-16 09:39:13

Thank you ladies. We have had several days skin to skin in bed but it doesn't seem to have helped (yet). I don't think co-sleeping would work for us, although I wish it would. DH thrashes around in his sleep and I don't want to relegate him to the sofa as he has a bad back at manual job. DD has fallen asleep on me a few times in the night and I have simultaneously fallen asleep while holding her through sheer exhaustion and I have woken with a jump minutes later, so panicked that I've fallen asleep. I just don't think I'd ever be able to get my head around it, I was the same with DD1 when we did try co-sleeping for a few nights. Sleeping in the car is very hit and miss but largely she just cries. DH is trying to avoid driving at the moment because he's so tired and doesn't feel safe. However, if we can get some sleep into him then he will give it a go and he has to drive when he goes back to work!

Interesting that they feed continuously for 10 days, I guess we'll soon see whether that is the case here. I'm starting to think that she's just comfort sucking. She fell asleep on me 20 mins ago, I put her in her crib and she actually slept for 10 mins, woke up crying/sucking hands etc and so I tried feeding her, she latched on, sucked for about 8 seconds, pulled off, gazed at me for a minute, her eyes rolled back and she went to sleep....For all of 10 mins until I put her down because the position was hurting my sciatica, now she's fussing again.

If she is just comfort sucking, any ideas how I break this? I don't want to withhold food or comfort if she needs it. I have tried keeping her awake if she knodds off mid feed - tickling feet/under arms/under chin, blowing on her, cold flannel etc. It just doesn't work.

I do want to breastfeed. My issue is that I am doing it soley for her wellbeing and while I don't dislike it, I don't actively enjoy it either. I'm a private person so struggle to feed in front of others. So at the moment I just feel like this isn't working and is making us all miserable. I want to keep trying but I just feel like I'm reaching my limit.

Lilacpink40 Sun 24-Jul-16 09:48:33

I didn't like BF either. It wasn't the exposure or time taken it was the discomfort. I fed my second until 14mths (evening only past 10 mths). The let-down feeling when I fed wasn't comfortable, but I did it for him.

Persevere and yes they suck for ages to encourage milk production at first.

Try different feeding positions to stop nipples feeling worn, rugby ball (baby under arm to side) worked well for me.

Lilacpink40 Sun 24-Jul-16 09:52:01

I used a feeding butterfly to feed DS when out. Basically a large light cloth with wire opening at top and I could look down and see him but wasn't visible on outside (only his feet sticking out). I could walk around feeding DS while following DD about.

choccybiscuit Sun 24-Jul-16 09:54:32

Can you feed lying down? Tummy to mummy, nose to nipple position. This saved my sanity! Yes dd2 Fed continuously, I think it was to establish a supply or having a growth spurt but it did calm down eventually.

MaverickSnoopy Sun 24-Jul-16 10:22:06

You are giving me hope thank you. I am stubborn and committed by nature, it's not in my nature to give up. I really want this to work. I do have a feeding cover but that butterfly one looks brilliant, thank you, I will definitely buy one.

Weirdly a lot of the positions I used for DD1 are not working, including lying down, but I will keep trying. I'm sure it will click at some point, I know it's still early.

I have just tried cradling DD and rocking her and she went straight to sleep. Ok so she woke up when I put her down, but I think it proves my theory that she wants comfort and perhaps not food all the time.

The HV came to visit before DD was born and said that I should follow her lead re feeding and feed on demand. So this is what I have done, but I think it's just turned me into her only source of comfort. I struggled feeding DD1 because HV told me to top up with formula due to big drop in weight so this time i have taken onboard every word. The trouble is I'm not sure I'm reading DD2 cues properly - how do you tell when they want food vs comfort?

I think she is now largely overtired. So presumably if I can get sleep into her it might help. DH is going to try wearing her in the sling (because he doesn't smell like milk) which is amazing with his bad back, but hopefully I can get a bit of sleep...maybe.

Thomasisintraining Sun 24-Jul-16 10:26:32

How does the latch feel OP? I got told by the world and his mother that ds did not have a tongue tie but the latch felt off and feeding was a disaster. Eventually I paid a private lactation consultant with massive tongue tie experience and there it bloody was. It is just that when feeding is not normal there often is something wrong causing it.

FurryGiraffe Sun 24-Jul-16 10:34:41

I echo Thomas re tongue tie. The faffing about refusing to latch and short feeds sound exactly like DS2 before we had his snipped. MW and HV aren't always great at spotting them. Is there a BF group with a BF specialist near you? If there is I'd see if they can take a look.

FleursDuMal Sun 24-Jul-16 10:53:00

Do you have a dummy? I found this really helped when finishing a feed (making sure like PP have said to tickle ear, neck, to make sure baby awake enough to feed properly) to pop in dummy and attempt transfer to Moses basket. My lo is almost one now, ebf and we haven't used dummy for a month or so as he settles well without. Only give it for naps and sleep and not when awake so it won't become too much of a habit and no, at this stage, dummy will not interfere with establishment of breastfeeding.

I also found bouncer really great for naps in daytime...again pop in drowsy after feed and bounce, bounce, bounce till asleep...

Just to say I have been there and it is hard but you will get through. It is great you have a supportive partner, that is half the battle, and if you can rely on any family or friends to hold baby for an hour while you nap or catch up with your eldest, grab with open arms. It does get so much better, I promise.
flowerscake for you xx

Lilacpink40 Sun 24-Jul-16 10:59:23

I was more determined to BF DC2 as couldn't with DC1 due to her having digestive developmental issues.

If it hadn't have worked out with BF I know now (afterwards) that things would have been fine, but at the time I gave myself a lot of stress.

Both my DCs are fine and I'm sure yours will be too. flowers

Orsono Sun 24-Jul-16 13:22:01

Re co-sleeping, your DH thrashing about shouldn't matter - the best position is to have the baby on your side of the bed, so your body is a barrier between her and your DH. You will naturally be more aware of her than he is, so it's safer. You position yourself on your side with your lower arm under your head so you don't turn over. You might find co-sleeping suits the short, frequent feed pattern for the moment.

suspiciousofgoldfish Sun 24-Jul-16 13:28:59

DD is a bit like this OP. She is a greedy little so and so.

I express my milk and give her a bottle in the evenings, to give me and my nips a break.

I found at night she was just chewing away at me for comfort for hours on end. With a bottle she eats, burps, goes to sleep.

Would highly recommend it, if you can/don't mind expressing.

Good luck, hope it passes soon.

Coconut0il Sun 24-Jul-16 18:30:35

DS2 fed all the time in the beginning. If he wasn't attached to the boob he was crying. Hunger or comfort I don't know but it was the only thing that worked. He was like that till about 12 weeks. DP did everything for me. Luckily DS1 is 12 so understood, not sure how I would've coped with a little one.

Co sleeping was the only thing that worked. DP has spent many nights on the sofa. If you have space/money could you get a cheap single for your DH? You need coping strategies if your DD is like my DS2. He would never settle for DP but he could take him downstairs at 5am so I could get a few hours in.

MaverickSnoopy Sat 30-Jul-16 12:29:31

Apologies for not returning for a while. It's a combination of life being pretty full on and trying various things. Another MW checked the latch yesterday, she thinks it's ok but says baby is not getting enough of the areola as dd is not opening her mouth widely enough. I want to see a lactation consultant. Does anyone know how to go about this?

We have tried a dummy many times but she rejects it 9 times out of 10 and if she does take it then it's for a maximum of a minute. I have worked out that largely she is comfort sucking and not eating. I have tried the bouncy chair but she just screams because she just wants me. Night time has been a bit better recently (I think she's exhausted) which I'm grateful for because cosleeping is really not for me. I have done it when my eldest has been poorly when she was much older (2 years onwards) but I've laid there all night wide awake frozen in terror. So it would be pointless for us. I've tried the sling but it's too hard with my sciatica but I'll try again when I've had physio in a few weeks.

I had a mini meltdown in the middle of the week and it all became too hard so yesterday I gave her formula. I just couldn't do it anymore - I was starting to see things through lack of sleep and having major dizzy spells. She was so content and slept for 14 hours in a 24 hour period which is a vast improvement as she'd been getting circa 4 hours! I did however express and now have 12oz to use and plan to try that tomorrow. Yesterday dd was so content although she did still want me to comfort suck on.

I think the comfort sucking is my biggest problem. I literally feel like I am being humped by a dog! I hate it. I do want to persist with breastfeeding but I'm reaching my limit. I've bought a breastfeeding butterfly and some Lansinoh breast therapy therapearls as the MW thinks I may have a slow let down. DH even made me lactation cookies to increase my supply in case that is the problem. I'm not giving up and have instead told myself that I'll give up when she's 1 month to give myself a goal. Hopefully when I reach that goal we will be able to continue.

The MW says the aim is to get sleep into her so that I can have bigger gaps between feeding and my breast can be full. At the moment they're very soft because she's constantly grazing. I just don't know how to get food into her when she dozes off almost immediately after starting to eat because she's so tired. As soon as I move an inch she wakes up and repeat. In the meantime elder DC is being neglected and massively regressing. This feels like a fight I can't win!

NotWithoutMyMerkin Sat 30-Jul-16 12:32:42

find a lactation consultant

NotWithoutMyMerkin Sat 30-Jul-16 12:36:04

Please see a qualified lactation consultant, they'll come to you at home. Call some local ones today (or get your DH to) and tell them it's urgent.

Midwives and HVs may have had breastfeeding training but not at the level of a LC. My DD had a severe posterior TT and lip tie that was missed for 6 weeks - I was constantly told the latch was great, including by a bfing counsellor. After 6 weeks of her feeding constantly and every 45 mins overnight a LC was an absolute saviour. Good luck and well done getting this far

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