How do you stop BFing?

[Elledouble]

I feel a bit guilty about this, but my son is 14 months old and I just don't really want to breastfeed any more. My mum said my siblings and I had all had enough before we were 1, once we were starting to take milk from a cup, so I was expecting him not to want it any more and my aim was to make it to 12 months, until he could start on cow's milk.

However, he's showing no sign of stopping! He doesn't really want milk from a cup (although he drinks water just fine), and tonight out of desperation I've tried giving him a bottle, against the advice of the breastfeeding clinic, but he doesn't want that either. He's bitten me hard enough to draw blood a couple of times and we've had thrush as well so sometimes it's absolutely agonising.

My partner doesn't really understand and keeps asking me to BF, especially when our son is upset (can't help but think if the shoe was on the other foot and his nipples were being sliced off, we wouldn't be having this conversation).

So it's painful, it's interfering with my work (usually my job involves travel and obviously I can't leave our son overnight at the moment) and I feel like I've done enough. Am I being selfish? Is there something I can be doing to encourage him away from breastfeeding? Please help

[SueGeneris]

Wish I could help! My DS is 18 months and only drinks water or bf. He does only bf to sleep at night now and for nap time. I know I need to just stop, really. He drinks plenty of water. But I'm tied to home as he relies on me to go to sleep and gets hysterical if he wakes and I'm not there.

He's my third DC. With the other two I had to just stop the bedtime bf. It was very hard but they got there. Just sat with them instead and tried to calm them. Took about a week I think.

[milkjetmum]

Maybe get a novelty cup eg drinking bottle with a straw and have a lovely cuddle and drink from that in place of a usual feed? Then phase them out as you feel comfortable? I think the morning feed was the last to go both times.

My desire to bf disappeared as soon as my periods came back which coincided with both dds being less interested (presumably milk changed?) and I had a 'don't offer' end to bf both times.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Elle that sounds so hard, I can totally sympathise - I'm going through with this with my DC3 whose 15 months old!

Firstly tell your partner to butt out, if he's not going to offer his nipples as soother then he should shut it - it's your body not his.

Secondly all babies are different, so please don't feel stressed comparing your DS to other babies, some are easier than others to wean off BF - I know from personal experience, this is my third BF DC.

Ok tips I've used, some have worked for some of my babies and not others:

Cover up!: basically if they don't see them then I noticed mine asked less often, so baggier, high neck tops/fleeces and a well covering bra.

Distraction: when they want BF, disract them with something else, be it a snack, or 'ok let's go look over here', 'what's that noise? I think I heard a cat (cue some miaowing ) to let's read a book and have a cuddle or watch a favourite to show and a cuddle.

Special time: I tried to create a different cuddly time that wasn't about bfing to help break their comfort habit, but they were still getting the comfort, so as above create a new habit of getting a cuddle and read a book/sing/watch favourite show.

Drop one at a time: this depends on how often your DS is still BF but basically I found this easier than going cold turkey. He shouldn't want it as much when you drop one bfing session at a time. Drop however many BF sessions and over what time scale according to what you/your DS can handle.

Don't be hard on yourself if you relent, tomorrow is another day, he'll get there in the end. You can do this! We can do this!

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Jeez sorry that was slightly epic!

[Elledouble]

Thanks all. He was furious with us this morning when we tried to give him a bottle instead of breastfeeding, and now my breasts are absolutely killing. Had to hand express a couple of times in the toilets at work to ease the pressure.

I know I've got to stick with it, I'll try to feed him a little bit tonight, scared of ending up with mastitis. I think he's teething which doesn't help.

[SueGeneris]

How are you getting on OP? One of the decisions I did make with DS was to wait until the teething was done. His canines have come through now (he's 18 months) so I've started weaning him off at bedtime. First night he cried, I sang lots of Christmas carols, he eventually settled down and went to sleep without bf. Second night less crying, more Christmas carols, went to sleep without bf. Third night no crying, still singing carols, let him play with teddies a bit, went to sleep more quickly. Once bedtime is sorted I will stop feeding him at naptime.

I said to DH it's a bit like if I was suddenly told I had to sleep without a pillow. It would be hard to work out how to get comfortable. And I'm not 18 months old!