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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

Husbands attitude to breastfeeding

51 replies

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/04/2016 08:20

I am breastfeeding our 6 month old. We started introducing solids last week but other than that I have been EBF the entire time. Baby won't take a bottle of any milk, even expressed breast milk. I like breastfeeding and find it saves me prepping bottles etc. I would like to leave baby some expressed milk and go to the gym a couple of times a week but I can't do that because he won't drink from a bottle and if I am out of his sight for more than 5 minutes he screams and gets very upset and won't calm down until I return and take him from my husband / other relative. So I happy to put my gym desires on hold for a while.

My husband however thinks that I should just go the gym and leave baby with him and that he will just get on with it (whilst baby screams until I return). DH has said "well you can't breastfeed forever you know" and "I want to look after the baby". I feel that this attitude is not very supportive. It seems like he wants me to stop breastfeeding sooner rather than later. He has tried giving expressed milk to baby and baby just screamed and gagged and refused the bottle. Expressing is fucking hard work and I am not doing it to then see my precious milk thrown away. Obviously this is not a LTB scenario, but how do I make the dinosaur see that our baby is fine to breastfeed for a good while yet and that milk will be his main source of nutrition for some time? It would be nice to feel that my husband fully supports me to breastfeed our son until he is at least a year old.

OP posts:

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PlaymobilPirate · 10/04/2016 08:24

I fully support you breastfeeding but I also know how desperate I'd be to look after my child on my own - he's a patent too and should be allowed an opinion and an open discuss on it.

Thebookswereherfriends · 10/04/2016 08:26

I also ebf my dd and never persuaded her to have a bottle, but you should still be able to go to the gym. Feed the baby before you go, leave a sippy cup with some expressed milk and some finger food. Does your partner ever get some time alone with the baby? Mine used to have her for a bit in the morning before he left for work and I stayed in bed for a bit longer a nd then he a always did bath time.

duckyneedsaclean · 10/04/2016 08:26

Sorry, do you mean you never leave your child with his father? Surely the baby isn't constantly breastfeeding at 6 months?

Florene · 10/04/2016 08:27

I don't think the breastfeeding is the issue, it sounds like he wants the opportunity to spend time with his son alone. I think you should try to support this if possible, maybe start small by feeding then going for a walk and feeding on your return, and build up the one on one time with just his dad each time you go.

It's not that you won't be able to breastfeed for ever (which you appreciate already), it's that you won't be able to always be the one spending time with your son forever, so it makes sense for your husband to get involved at this stage. He's just making the point by comparing it to breastfeeding, e.g. something that can't last forever.

Gowgirl · 10/04/2016 08:27

Try offering a sippy cup? He is probally feeling a bit sidelined I know my dh felt quite pushed out when I was breast feeding as it was something he could not be involved in...

gamerchick · 10/04/2016 08:30

I don't think this sounds like a breastfeeding issue. You baby will be ok while you go to the gym, just feed before if you have to.

You need to let your bloke learn how to take care of his baby without you.

duckyneedsaclean · 10/04/2016 08:30

if I am out of his sight for more than 5 minutes he screams and gets very upset and won't calm down until I return and take him from my husband

"Dh has said... I want to look after the baby". I feel that this attitude is not very supportive

You need to let your husband have a personal relationship with your child. Breastfeeding is nothing to do with it.

museumum · 10/04/2016 08:31

You don't need to stop bf to leave your child with its father for an hour!

Feed before you go, let him do a finger foods meal and a sippy cup.

I do think at 6mo your dh should be allowed to start to look after his own child occasionally. If he doesn't then it will be very hard for him to suddenly share parenting as the child gets older.

Eminado · 10/04/2016 08:32

"I don't think the breastfeeding is the issue, it sounds like he wants the opportunity to spend time with his son alone. I think you should try to support this if possible, maybe start small by feeding then going for a walk and feeding on your return, and build up the one on one time with just his dad each time you go. "

Agree with this.

And i do think you should leave him to get on with it. Your baby has two parents and at 6m i am sure will be fine.

I wasnt expecting to, but i agree with your DH.

Sillysausage2 · 10/04/2016 08:33

My 8 month old has never taken a bottle or EBM and I've been going to the gym for months. I feed before I leave so I know he's not hungry

sonlypuppyfat · 10/04/2016 08:33

I breast fed all mine until they were 3. Your baby is still very young just wait a couple of months he will change a lot in that time. Your husband isn't being very fair how can you enjoy the gym knowing your baby will be upset. Why can't your husband look after the baby while your doing something at home

FanDabbyFloozy · 10/04/2016 08:34

I agree with the other posters who say your DH just wants a relationship with the baby who screams for you all the time. That relationship won't develop if he doesn't get a chance to develop it.

At 6 months I do think it's time for that relationship to form. Hence I would go to the gym, leave the pair of them with the expressed milk and let them get on with it.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/04/2016 08:35

I have tried leaving the baby with him. I did it a couple of weeks ago when I went out for a run and when I came back 20 minutes later our son was screaming and crying and his whole body was heaving he was that upset. My husband handed baby straight over to me without me even having the chance to have a quick shower. Of course baby calmed straightaway when I took him.
I have no doubt that my husband is feeling uninvolved and inadequate but I think it is partly his fault because he is lazy and has left me to do almost all bath times and the vast majority of nappy changes. If j ask him to do stuff for our son he will do it but I don't think I should need to ask so I get on and just do it myself.
This is not our first child but it is the first to be ebf.

OP posts:

Wolpertinger · 10/04/2016 08:35

At 6 months your baby will be fine for an hour. And it's perfectly reasonable for a Dad to want to look after his baby - who likely won't cry the whole time anyway but get on with enjoying time with Dad.

The reason he keep crying is he knows there is a better option - Mummy - in the room. If you weren't there he would be quite happy with Daddy.

Wolpertinger · 10/04/2016 08:38

Well in that case get him doing more. Sort out a routine where he does bathtime. Or whatever it is you would like him to do without being asked. He isn't psychic.

Is he lazy or does he not do it because you are busy doing everything and looking like you don't need him and are just getting on with it?

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/04/2016 08:40

I think sonlypuppyfat Hit the nail on the head when she said that I wouldn't enjoy going to the gym knowing that baby will be upset.

I do agree with other posters though that my husband does need to develop his relationship with our son but he will have to stop being so lazy and take actual action rather than just blaming it on the breastfeeding for that to happen.

OP posts:

TimeOfGlass · 10/04/2016 08:47

Sounds like the problem is more about your baby not wanting to be away from you for more than 5 minutes than the breastfeeding.

Could you get your DH to start doing more with the baby when you're both home? Leave him to do bathtime, nappy changes, playing with baby, cuddles etc while you disappear for 5 minutes? To try and get the baby feeling more comfortable with your DH?

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/04/2016 08:47

I asked DH to bath baby a few nights ago and he called me up to check the water temperature and then called me back to ask where the bath support was (I got rid of it 3 months ago), then he asked me for the creams (baby has eczema and has 4 different creams). It was more effort than if I had just done it myself and I wouldn't mind if I was helping him out so he could do bath time regularly but he did it once because I asked him to and has busied himself on every evening since (busy doing very little). I know my DH is exhausted and stressed at work at the moment but he can't have it both ways. He either has to actively involve himself or accept that baby isn't going to be closely attached to him anytime soon. I am not going to beg my husband to do bath times etc on a regular basis.

OP posts:

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 10/04/2016 08:48

Sounds like the problem is more about your baby not wanting to be away from you for more than 5 minutes than the breastfeeding.

That is precisely the problem but my husband wants to blame the breastfeeding.

OP posts:

Wolpertinger · 10/04/2016 08:54

Well if your DH has never done bathtime, he won't know how to do it. So the first few times it will be like this while you show him the ropes.

You can't have it both ways - he wants to be more involved, you want him more involved because currently you think he's lazy, but to start with it will be more effort than just doing it yourself - which is why you get in a vicious cycle of resentment of just doing it yourself because in the short term it feels easier than teaching him.

Mishaps · 10/04/2016 08:57

Go to the gym - your OH is not anti-BF it would seem, but just wants you to be able to go out and enjoy yourself and for him to have time to get to know baby. All sounds good to me and many women would be very happy indeed to have a OH who feels this way.

WordGetsAround · 10/04/2016 09:02

Your OH sounds very supportive, but you don't. If you took a little bit of time to talk him through bath time etc, you could be off to the gym, but it doesn't sound to me as if you want to. You'd rather be indespensible.

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tiktok · 10/04/2016 09:04

There's more going on here than BF, that's for sure.

Of course a fully BF baby can be cared for by his dad for various tasks and for varying periods of time.

How about your dh doing bath time every night? He's been a bit flaky on this first (first?? At six months??) attempt but if it's a routine it will become normal.

As others have said , you should be able to go to the gym. Six month old babies should be fine with someone else who loves them looking after them for a short period.

You need to talk to each other, with open hearts, no eye rolling, and a genuine desire to change....listen to each other. If he's being an arse, then do your best not to explode with rage 😀 and keep the dialogue going.

imwithspud · 10/04/2016 09:04

Sounds like he just wants to spend some quality time with his child, the breastfeeding is a red herring.

Do you really need to express? You'll only be at be gym for an hour, two hours tops? Just feed baby before you go and again when you return.

How do you know for sure that baby won't calm down after you've left? It's not I common for babies to cry when a parent leaves only for them to calm down/get distracted shortly after. It's not nice to leave them crying but sometimes it's necessary.

imwithspud · 10/04/2016 09:07

Regarding bath time, ignoring the fact that it's taken him 6 months to do it. Did you show him or explain to him how to do it/where everything is?

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