First time very anxious feel like im failing as a mum

[Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh]

just a quick post from me for some advice please sorry i havent got chance to catch up with everyone yet.We hve had 2 hrs sleep so far over 3 nites. Kai is breast feeding really well in the day he sleeps really well,come nighttime he cries every time i put him down i feed him then he goes fast asleep,i put him down and he starts crying,i pick him up wind him change his nappy sing to him,he was ok for a few mins then starts to cry,last nite he was never off my breasts,from 12pm to 6.45 this morning.This is really upsetting me i feel like a failure im tired my nipples hurt.Im seriously thinking of packing bf in if only to get some sleep.Im very anxious that im not making a good mum to Kai.Please help.

[Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh]

oh forgot to say he is 4 days old.

[blob2be]

how old is he? If he's only days old I had exactly the same thing. I was at my wit's end. DS just wanted to suck and suck. It got much much better after my milk came in on day 3. I almost thought of packing in BF but I am so pleased I didn't, so stick at it if you can, it will be better very soon. It seems like it will be like this forever but it does get better I promise, and slowly but surely sleep will return! I wish somebody had warned me about the first few days as it really is hard, especially after giving birth when you'd think you should be sleeping for days! Just hang in there, and remember this is normal and trust it will get better!

[mrsflowerpot]

First off, congratulations on Kai's arrival . You are doing really well, the first few days are hard - hang in there.

Has your milk come in properly yet? The constant constant feeding overnight sounds like my ds at 3 or 4 days - he fed and fed and fed for almost 24 hours and it was awful, then I got an hour's sleep and woke up soaked in milk as it came in with a vengeance.

It might help to go to bed with ds and just stay there - get dh to do everything else and just you concentrate on feeding. It feels less awful in bed, I found.

Hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along soon, but this will keep it bumped for you in the meantime.

[LucyJones]

Oh you poor thing, it's awful in those early sleep deprived days and your hormones are still all over the place. If you can bear to stick with the b/feeding it is worth it. We used a dummy to help settle at this age as dd and ds used me like a human dummy and it was the only way to get them to settle in the moses basket. It also meant that dh could try it whilst I got a little bit of sleep. Hopefully more people will give you lots more reassurance and help {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

[katyjo]

What a beautiful name! Congratulations on the birth.
I can remember going through exactly the same thing, and being in tears in the middle of the night saying I was giving up breastfeeding, it feels like it will go on forever, but it stops so quickly.
I found heating up the cot (microwave bean bag thingy) helped to settle ds, colycinth granules also helped (don't think he had colic but seemed to work).
If your husband is on paternity leave take advantage of it, when ds was 4 days old dh imposed a no visiting ban for 2 days so I could get some sleep, he looked after ds and brought him to me for feed. I think he stared to sleep better when he hit about 8 days old, so not too much longer hopefully. Don't worry about cuddling and feeding your baby too much, you will not start bad habits, I got really worried about it and it stressed me out.
Speak to your hv about sore nipples, I used lasinoh which was great and hv gave me jelonet when nipples got really bad.
How can you think you are not a good mother, you are feeding you lo constantly, not sleeping..there isn't anything you aren't doing... Bloody brilliant mother if you ask me!!
Big hugs for you
XXX

[poinsettydog]

This is often a very difficult time for loads of mums - just remember that! I was in hospital with dd1 for three days after her birth and it was terrible - just as you decribe.

Your milk supply probably isn't properly established yet after just four days but I'm sure posters far more knowledgable about bf will come back with good advice on that.

If your baby sleeps well during the day you must try to sleep with him so you don't exhaust yourself. Look after your nipples - try nipple shields, lanisoh etc. Your milk supply will sort itself out to meet your baby's needs. This terrible, sore, completely sleepless phase will pass!

[santasbaby]

Hi. Congratulations on Kai's arrival. We had something similar with dd. The only advice I can offer is just to let him feed whenever he wants at the moment. There may be a chance that your milk hasn't fully come in yet, so just keep feeding him as this will really help things along!

Also, is there a chance that he is being put down at night on to a cold sheet? Sounds silly, but when it's cooler at night and he's going from your warm arms into a moses basket or cot, he may well object - dd certainly did! We put a blanket over the radiator while I fed her and then lay that in her moses basket before putting her down, and it seemed to help!

Stick with it - it really is early days. You're doing really well and it will get easier, honest!

[mandymac]

I remember ringing the emergency midwife in the middle of the night in the first week as dd was the same at night, just cried if I took her off the breast. The midwife told me that I had to look after myself too, and that feeding for 1 1/2 to 2 hours in one stretch was plenty and after that to hand her to DH for an hour or two, so I could get some sleep and give my poor sore nipples a rest. (earplugs in if necessary). DH used to carry her around, rock her, play music to her etc. We had a routine written down just to give us something to aim for. We only needed to do this for about a week maximum, I can remember my mum came to stay the 2nd weekend we were home to give us both some sleep and DD fell asleep on her lap for about 3 hours which was a real breakthrough, and after that she used to wake about twice a night for a feed (long one though still about an hour each in the early days, but much more managable.

So you do not have to feed continuously - you can take a break. I am still feeding dd now at 18 months. It does just get easier and easier, but the first few weeks are so hard.

[Rochwen]

you poor thing. I remember it too, it's so bloody I was delusional with sleep deprivation awful BUT IT WILL PASS. I agree with what everyone has already said. Hang on in there. STay in bed or on the couch, hire some Friends DVD's (they always cheered me up immensly)and rest and feed, and rest and feed. Don't do anything else, not even making a cup of coffee. Enlist your dp or all your friends to help you out right now. Perhaps they can take Kai out for a LONG walk because I found that I could only properly switch off and rest wehn dd was out of the house.

Good Luck and bags of sympathy !

Oh, and look after your nipples. I know everyone will tell you not to use nipple shield but they saved breastfeeding for me.

[Rochwen]

awful, I missed the word awful after bloody.

[Cadeauxmum]

Debbsy: You will make a wonderful mother. The first few days are always the hardest. (Even with DB#4.)

The advice on here is sound. You must resign yourself to the fact that you are a breast-feeding mother for the next couple of days and just forget about anything except eating, drinking, sleeping and feeding, changing and loving Kai.

Take him into bed with you and feed him there.

Has your milk come in yet?

How are you feeling this afternoon?

[motherinfurrierfestivefrock]

Darling, this stage is tough. I remember it sooooo well, with both my babies. Huge sympathies. Hang on in there!
xxxx

[MKGnearlyimmaculateconception]

Hey Debsy!! My ds was like this in the first two weeks. It's torture, but Kai will sort himself out. For the first two weeks ds slept on my chest both day and night. He just wanted to be close. Every night he would wake up around twelve, we would go down to the living room and I would sit in a reclining chair and watch tv while nursing and we would both fall asleep there. The History channel seems to put ds right to sleep.

Don't pack in bfing just for wanting sleep because formula is not the magic potion people say it is.

Oh, and this may seem like the most terrible time ever but as your baby grows and becomes more independent you will miss those early days and nights when they were so tiny. Trust me I shed a few tears on ds' first birthday because I looked at him and realized that my baby was gone, and had been replaced by a little boy.

You are doing a great job.

[CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark]

Do you have any Lansinoh for your nipples?

Ring one of the bfeeding supportlines (the NCT is 0870 444 8708 and is open till 10pm) and get some advice person to person - and congratulations on Kai's birth and you are not a bad mum - you will be able to do this x x x

[Dingdongdebbsyandbibbyonhigh]

Thanks all for good advice think its my hormones too as ive been in floods of tears all morning, jsu feel like i cant cope, felt like i did really well with kai up till last nite,when i couldnt settle him going to take him out in his pram in a litle while.Also going to get some sma gold for his last feed tonight,also going to bath him later tonight and try the warm blanket in his moses basket later too.Thank you again xx

[Cadeauxmum]

I am not really sure how the SMA Gold is going to help...

You would be much better off waiting until your milk supply is established before introducing another variable.

As someone said earlier: Formula is not magic.

Is he still having wet nappies?

Are you not comfortable with the idea of him sleeping with you?

You really are doing a fab job and you are all that he needs.

[tiktok]

Debsy - your baby is doing great and you will find it easier if you go with the flow and hold and feed him when he wants it - hold him even when he doesn't want to be fed, so he enjoys the closeness and the confidence that his needs are taken seriously and the world is a good place

If nipples hurt, get the midwife to check his attachment.

If you give formula, you risk underminining breastfeeding. Feeding often inc at night is the way bf gets established....the use of formula increases the chances that you switch to it completely. You need to know this before you give formula - talk about it with the midwife.

Good luck through these early days

[CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark]

Have you decided you want to bottlefeed?

Glad you're feeling a bit better though x x x

[sonta]

Had exactly the same thing with dd at about 4 days when she fed from 11 pm to 7 am, was completely shattered, can quite clearly remember sitting on bed crying while she fed.

It does get loads easier, stick with it, dd is 8 weeks old now and doing two feeds (about 3am and 6am) usually. I felt like giving up on the bf at the time, but so glad i didnt now, if only because im very lazy and just couldnt be bothered to get up and make up feeds!

Good idea about the evening feed, it should buy you a bit of rest. Good luck

[CouldEquallyHaveBeenAnAardvark]

Sonta, it may well buy the end of bfeeding though

[Cadeauxmum]

Thank heavens tictoc has seen this thread.

She is amazing! She has a way with words and really knows immense amounts about breast feeding.

Debbsy: Keep posting. We are all here for you and know how challenging those early days can be.

[sonta]

I really worried that it would be, but i did give my dd some bottle feeds when i was at my wits end (she went through a refusing stage as i have rather alarming overactive letdown, sorry if thats too much info). She is feeding quite happily again now, it was just a safety valve for both us while i got better strategies to cope with it.

Coincidentally la leche league were really good for me when i was having problems, i emailed one of the leaders from the webiste who was really helpful and supportive

[tiktok]

The other downside of giving formula esp at this very early stage is that your breasts become massively full and uncomfortable - and your baby is sound asleep and won't feed to relieve the pressure.

All in all, early formula use is not good news for most bf mothers

[sonta]

Didnt mean to sound anti breat feeding, am very much pro! Will bow to those with greater experience tham me, am still very new to this mothering malarkey. Debbsy, hope it all goes well, it will get better, promise xx