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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

Expressing rather than breastfeeding - does it make me a bad mum?!

15 replies

waps28effie · 30/09/2015 13:24

When my baby was born I was determined to breastfeed but we got into difficulty straight away. Her tongue was too small for my boobs and she couldn't latch on properly, my nipples started to bleed, my boobs became engorged and I couldn't breastfeed her anymore. The community midwife recommended buying an expressing machine and waiting until my baby girl had grown a bit and then we could try again.

Well, she's now 2months old and it doesn't hurt my nipples anymore so I should be going back to breastfeeding her exclusively. The problem is I'm still expressing because if I'm completely honest I find it easier. I have large boobs so have to use the rugby ball position when feeding her and it really hurts my back and is generally uncomfortable. I feel awful for admitting this, it really upsets me, but I prefer to express and feed her. Does that make me a bad mum? I mean I'm supposed to love breastfeeding her, it's supposed to be the most natural thing a woman can do, for the bonding and love that you give your baby when your doing it but I just find it so hard. Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:

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MrsLeighHalfpenny · 30/09/2015 13:37

I bottle fed my DDs, and I'm a great Mum, so you can't be doing that badly either!

Elledouble · 30/09/2015 13:45

Of course it bloody doesn't! I can't even be bothered to express the odd bottle so someone else can feed my son! It's the washing up and sterilising and general faff!

This said, have you tried BFing sitting up? I think some people call it the koala hug? I always feed like that, I find it so much easier. Couldn't even try to use the rugby ball or cradle hold now!

Whatevva · 30/09/2015 13:45

You are an amazing mum if you have managed to express for 2 months!! Well done you.

I had a very supportive chair and a squishy cushion on either side of my back, and a pillow on my knee.

waps28effie · 30/09/2015 14:03

Thank you for your support, I'll give the koala position a go and see if we can move on from there! It's so nice to be able to talk about things like this on here, difficult to do in the breastfeeding groups...I can get my boobs out no problem just don't seem to be able to discuss any issues I'm having!

Most people say that they feel it's a taboo to breastfeed in public, like there's some sort of pressure from passers by but I find it the opposite. I feel like people judge me for not breastfeeding but giving my little one a bottle instead. There's so much pressure being a mum, I didn't anticipate this at all. Wouldn't change it for the world though!

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BertieBotts · 30/09/2015 15:54

What? Of course it doesn't! Wow! You are supermum in my book, expressing is hard work.

As she gets bigger, you might find different positions easier :) Oh, and just so it doesn't come as a shock, pumping output often drops at about 3 or 4 months. That doesn't mean that your supply has dropped, it just means you're switching to demand based uspply.

AsYourMakerICommandYou · 30/09/2015 15:59

Of course it doesn't make you a crap mum!!
I struggled with breastfeeding and actually started to dread feeding DD - bleeding nipples were a nightmare! I totally underestimated the pain involved! DD actually puked up my blood at one point the poor little dot I tried expressing, but I seemed to spend hours and hours pumping to just get a couples of oz out. Switched to formula feeding and DD is thriving
I'm really put off breastfeeding any future babies because of how much I struggled with DD. I felt shit for ages, feeling like I had failed at the most natural thing in the world...but you know what? A baby has to eat. And if your baby is happy and you are happy, then you are doing great

MrsAukerman · 30/09/2015 16:02

If you'd like to breastfeed it may be worth getting her checked for tongue tie. I'm rather taken aback that expressing was suggested before TT was explored tbh.

Mouthfulofquiz · 30/09/2015 16:06

I think it's amazing to express for so long - it's a lot of work, and takes a lot of dedication. I know someone who did the same and I was in awe really.

Curiouserandcuriouser30 · 30/09/2015 16:13

If you didn't feed your DD that would make you a bad mum! Ignore judgy looks from other people, you are doing what is best for you and your DD.

lightgreenglass · 30/09/2015 16:14

I exclusively express and I do get the guilt you're feeling, I also feel/felt judged for getting a bottle out to feed the baby and am always telling people it's breast milk but do get looks like it's not proper breast 'feeding' and pity from breastfeeding mums rather than admiration personally.

I managed to express for my eldest for 11 months and am 3.5 months in with my second - I don't feel as guilty now as I know they're getting BM which for me was the most important thing not the actual technique of breastfeeding. With my eldest now he's 2 - I'm glad I did it but I'm over the whole how he was fed thing. He's a smart healthy growing boy.

waps28effie · 30/09/2015 18:10

My baby was checked for a tongue tie, she does have one but its tiny and the specialist said that it wouldn't make a different because it wasn't that that was stopping her latching on properly. I'm so grateful for all the comments, really helps to know that others have been through tough times and that you guys think I'm doing a good job. Thank you everyone!

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villainousbroodmare · 30/09/2015 18:14

You are magnificent! Double the work, you're doing.

MirrorMouse · 30/09/2015 20:47

You are an amazing mum!! What an achievement to express for so long.

I expressed for about 9 weeks and then baby latched painlessly and I gradually switched to breastfeeding. I have got big boobs with a lot of loose tissue as the breastfeeding advisor put it!! I feed her sometimes with her laying face up on my lap on a pillow. Or I use cradle hold but hold my breast with the other hand.

I felt a massive relief to reduce the expressing to once a day...ditching most of the cleaning and sterilising and not being stuck at home to express or using a manual pump under a cover in the car. If you can get the positioning sorted with some help/experimenting your life might suddenly improve, you never know!

Caterina99 · 01/10/2015 09:28

I express for my 3 month old. I also bf directly and ff. it is a right faff as you have to express the milk and then feed it to them - double the work! I consider myself a great mum for managing this grueling routine so far

I plan to cut back on the expressed milk, not because it's better for my child, but because it's so time consuming for me!

Terrifiedandregretful · 02/10/2015 09:00

I preferred expressing to direct feeding from 2 to 6 months as bf was incredibly painful, large boobs meant it took both hands and it took for bloody ever. I didn't find it bonding I found it torture. Expressing then bottle was quicker and pain free. When I tried the boob again at 4 months and it didn't hurt any more I howled for a whole afternoon because I couldn't face going back to hours on the sofa without even being about to reach for a drink. So I completely understand your situation! At 6 months I tried again and she would feed for 15 mins every few hours and it was bliss. No more bottles to wash and sterilise! But I couldn't have gone back to it any sooner. Do whatever works best for you. You are doing brilliantly.

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