Advice wanted re care of newborn (long post)

[flowers1]

I have posted on here before and had some useful advice. I am hoping for some more support and reassurance.

I have a 12 day old DD. I have been trying to BF exclusively and on demand. DD weighted 7lbs 14ozs when born, now back up to 7lbs 10ozs. MW says this weight gain is acceptable, though on the low side.DD has been very difficult to settle - we suspect due to colic - and is fractious every day for a period of up to 7/8 hours, starting in the early afternoon and carrying on. The only way of calming her appears to be putting her on the breast. Sometimes, this means sitting for several hours at at timewith her on the breast.

I suppose night times are typical for newborns, in that she will sleep for a couple of hours, feed, and then only tends to sleep on mine or DH's belly.

The whole process is exhausting, and I hate to see DD so unsettled. Today I BF for about 40 mins at 2.30pm. She was upset coming off the boob,so I resorted to a formula top up, of which she guzzled approx 90mls. Why would she take this much directly after a long bf? She then seemed calmer for about an hour and even snoozed, although she has now woken up again in a fractious state.

Have tried infacol for 5 days with no apparent success. Have been advised by MW that my latch on and BF technique is ok, though I find the process uncomfortable and draining. MW advises that I should simply leave DD on the breast and accept that this is parenthood.

What can I do to start relaxing, and build my confidence about parenthood? I am desperate for rest, and if ff buys me and DH some sleep, I am tired enough to consider top ups or a change over.MW says to sleep when DD sleeps, but she does not seem to sleep for more than 10-11 hours a day, and I cannot stay in bed all the time on the off chance she will sleep.

Where can I go for more help or support? What advice do other mumsnetters have to get me through this stage? Thank you.

[lulumama]

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for tik tok...please ! x

[NAB3]

Starting with formula now won't help your milk supply so you need to consider if you wish to BF long term.
I think the weight is absolutely fine!! You get sod all sleep with a new baby and all you need to do is make sure you drink plenty, get enough to eat and DO try and at least rest when the baby IS asleep even if you can't sleep. It is completely knackering but you have to have faith in yourself. You can do this and each day that goes by you will feel more confident. Maybe try going out in the afternoon or doing something different if it is always the same time that the baby starts being fractious. Sometimes babies will take formula after a bf as it is there.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your baby.

From what I know, the first 6 weeks or so sucks, no matter what you do. Formula feeding doesn't guarantee your child won't want to be on you all the time, and it earns you a bunch of extra work (making up formula, sterilizing bottles, remembering to take bottles etc whenever you go out).

And although, while you're in it, the first 6 weeks or so seems to take forever, it's really just a tiny part of your baby's life.

My first DS wanted to feed all the time. I used a sling that let me feed him while going out. And I slept with him, which is by far the easiest thing to do with a tiny baby - she was inside you until 12 days ago, of course she wants to be with you all the time.

Do you know any other local mums? Are there any BF cafe type setups near you? (It might be good to have your latch checked by a BFC, as they're a bit more qualified than a MW.)

[NotQuiteCockney]

Oh, and yeah, as NAB3 says, giving formula will not help your breastfeeding. If you introduce formula before 6 weeks, odds are you will stop breastfeeding before you want to.

[mrsratty]

Your DD is only 12 days old, she is living in a new enviroment, you all need time to adjust. Taking her out for a walk if she seems unsettled is a good idea. If you top up with formula this early she isn't going to be happy with breast milk for much longer and your milk supply will go down. If you want to breast feed you need to accept that to start with it is draining and tiring but within a few weeks you will wonder what the difficulty was and realise that it's easier than sterlising and making up formula, but if you are really unhappy and formula feeding will help you enjoy your baby more then maybe you should switch.

Only you can decide what's best for you and your baby.

[3sEnough]

Flowers - you poor thing - I remember it well - as the previous posters have said the first 6 weeks are pretty cr.p and for me I found the first 8 weeks of bf pretty damn hard as you're milk isn't 'established' then (you don't produce as much) so you need to keep the babe on the bo.b lots to stimulate the milk production - evenings of many hours sucking unfortunately rings a bell! I found that the routine thing just didn't happen for me until 10 weeks - which was the same with all 3 as I suddenly felt like they were taking the pee somewhat as they seemed to know that they were using me as a getting to sleep dummy, rocking machine etc!! I did cc at 10 weeks (no!! I hear everyone cry) but for me it worked and everything else seemed to slip into place once I had a happy bedtime routine established.(it took 3 nights of fuss) It does get better I promise, but it seems like an eternity for the first weeks - they will soon be an all too vague memory and you'll decide that the next one is a fab idea!

[tiktok]

flowers, some good posts here....hope we can help.

You're going through a hard time, and it is certainly true that babies can be wakeful and feed a lot. But I am not as confident as others that everything is basically ok, sorry. I am certain that formula will undermine your breastfeeding and it's worthwhile considering that your baby and the breastfeeding can be helped in some other way....and your confidence, which you say is a real issue with you. Lets think of ways to fix it

What are her poos like? It would be good if she is pooing several soft yellow stools a day. Hard to say if the weight is ok or not - without an interim weight since birth no one can. It would be fine if she lost weight and is now gaining, but not if she was still losing.

I suspect positioning and attachment is not as good as it could be, despite what your midwife has said. Babies are not usually as unsettled and grizzly as this - though if she is not fractious if she is held close, then that's just how newborns are, and they love to be near another body

Can you give one of the volunteer helplines a call, and talk it all through? And have someone else look at her feed?

[donnie]

my dd1 was exactly like this flowers. We resorted to carrying her around in the baby sling and it made her a lot happier, plus she is light enough for it not to cause problems. Also, do not feel bad about formula top ups - if they suit you and the baby, go for it and don't look back.

[tiktok]

donnie - that's the trouble with formula top ups. A mother uses them, and there may be no 'looking back' to breastfeeding. For someone who wants to breastfeed, using formula top ups , especially as early as this, can bring about the end of breastfeeding.


This thread is an example of a mum who gave top ups and then deeply regrets it - just one thread among many similar ones.

It is a big deal to give formula. It sounds helpful to tell mothers it is ok and not to worry about it, but if the mother wants to breastfeed, then she needs other options.

[Jalexandra]

Hi flowers. When my ds was born he too wanted to feed practically all the time. After a few days I just surrended to it. I would get a big box of chocolates , and sit on the settee watching tv while ds bf. Sometimes we wouldn't move all afternoon. I would doze and so would he. After a few weeks he was less demanding and the bf seemed really easy after that. It is worth sticking it out if you can, but obviously do what is best for you.

[welliemum]

flowers1, it sounds really tough.

Tiktok is the expert around here and if I were you I would follow her advice to the letter.

However, I just wanted say that both my dd's spent the first few weeks of life permanently attached to me, especially in the evenings (it's called cluster feeding). They wanted to be cuddled all the time and they wanted to sleep on top of us rather than in a cot.

This sounds to me quite similar to your description of your dd.

To me, none of this means "unsettled" - I just regard it as normal - in fact, by the time dd2 came along, I didn't give it a second thought really.

Obviously tiktok is right and you need to make sure that dd is feeding OK and getting enough milk, but if everything checks out then you might have to just resign yourself to lots of sitting around with your feet up...

[flowers1]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, it is really encouraging. I have been persevering with the breastfeeding and feel that it is going much better - I have not had to resort to any formula top ups at all, and DD is gaining weight well.

I am still worried that DD is colicky and the only way I can calm her when she is very fractious is to put her to the breast. This means that to calm her down enough to go to bed, I often begin breast feeding at 6pm, and she simply snoozes on and off my breast until at about 8 - 8.30ish, she seems to be sleepy enough to go out for a few hours. Is this normal? I sometimes feel that she will be attached to my breasts for the rest of my life. Should I continue to allow her to suckle for as frequently and as often as she wants until she passes this stage? DD will be 3 weeks old on Thursday.

[LIZS]

Well done so far Yes it is normal (remember I barely got break to eat in the evenings and we'd watch tv with subtitles ofr the ewialign in between) and yes feeding as much and as often as she demands is the way to go forward. It will pass. Can you get early nights so that you get some sleep before she wakes to feed again ?

[mamijacacalys]

Flowers your DDs feeding behaviour sounds perfectly normal to me.

Agree with all the other advice posted here, partic Tiktok of course.

It is knackering during the early weeks. Hang in there. You seem to be doing fine!

[tiktok]

flowers, all is well, and all is normal

You say she gets fractious and you put her to your breast and she calms.

Hurrah! You have something free, easily accessible, healthy and delicious that helps her when she is fractious. That's good news....and it's lovely for both of you that you can share these nice moments. Don't label it with 'colicky' as if there was something wrong with her

That on-off thing in the evenings is not only normal it's a good thing. You get a rest, and your baby gets to fill her boots ready for a slightly longer sleep.

She is not even 3 weeks old. It's a bit soon to be thinking what she is doing now will set the pattern for the rest of her life

Think of all ther other things that are part of her care because she is a little baby - bathing, nappies, singing little songs in her ears, whatever.....you will be doing none of these things forever, not one

[colditz]

Really simply put, let her do exactly what she wants or she will scream at you. I remember feeling like this with ds1, but honestly this does not last anything like forever. In 2 more weeks she will be a different baby. In two more weeks agin, she will be a different baby again!

Don't pin your hopes on formula, ds2 was formula fed and his sleep was always crap. It's just part and parcel of being a bby I think.

get your dp to take her out in the pram for t least 2 hours, and go to bed. Literally unlatch her after a feed in your bed, haand her over to him and go to sleep.

[colditz]

It is crap until they smile at you then when they do they burst your heart.

[cc21]

Flowers - just wanted to let youknow that your situation sounds identical to my experience. DD is now 15 wks still B/fed and thriving. The first 6 weeks were hell, I was never off the sofa from about 7pm till midnight, it felt like one constant feed.
Thanks to excellent MW's who told me to stick with it I did and by 8 weeks everything was settling down, and now I am so pleased I carried on. I promise it will get easier, baby is still so small....

[ivelostmyboobsboohoo]

Hi Flowers. This is my first time on here and so hope it goes ok...! My middle son cried continuously for 7-8 hours day from 2 weeks old and nothing would settle him. the heallth visitor and doctor agreed it was colic (i didnt really think it was). after 6 weeks of torture, where he was only content if carried around, being moved constantly, in a sling or being breastfed. at 8 weeks old, we took him to a Cranial Osteopath who worked his magic and very gentle fingers over him over 3 weekly sessions. he got less crotchety every time and by the end of it it was like being handed a totally different baby. He was a planned cesarean and his head hadnt moulded as nature intended. apparently cesaerans and difficult births and sometimes even apparently straightforward births can result in probs with the 4 platelets in the skull getting stuck and in my sons case it was casuing pressure when he fed and was giving him a headache and difficulty sucking. i coulnt recommend it enough!!!! it is quite pricy i guess- about £35 per session but if it works- wow what an investment!! ps i breastfed him til he was 1, and no formula.
Good luck!!!