I will not do CC!
But high needs DS2 is feeding far too frequently at night. I haven't slept for more than 2 hr stretches in over a year, apart from maybe 4 or 5 occasions when he has slept for about 4 hours in a go. Usually he goes down without a feed for DH at bedtime quite happily, in his cot. He then wakes somewhere between 11-1, and then every 2-3 hours thereafter. Its not a quick feed either, its prolonged suckling with little milk transfer as far as I can tell. Screams if he slips off. What makes it worse is that he will not feed lying down, only cradled in my arms like a newborn. So cosleeping is out. My back is ruined.
And I'm being a less than brilliant mother during the days because of it all. I am not on top of meals let alone the house, or my own well being.
So I need to night wean. I have tried putting him down awake after feeds - he cries so hard, he is inconsolable and reaches up for me pleadingly. DH has tried going to him. He has lasted over 2 hours on occasion before coming to get me to give in to a feed - 10 mins later he is sound asleep. DH and my mum have both managed to get him back to sleep in the night, but he won't stay asleep more than a few minutes before waking up again. Because of this I assumed he was genuinely hungry, but I have tried cutting down the minutes and he just won't have it. Plus yesterday he ate like a horse and still woke multiple times and once for 2 whole hours in my arms, feeding.
SO. DH proposes I take DS1 for a sleep over out of the house for 2-3 consecutive nights to see if he'll learn to settle without milk. To me this seems very drastic, too huge a change for him. But after months of trying we seem incapable of weaning him any other way. He adores his daddy, its just that he can't stay asleep for him.
One Q i have is, if DH can't get him to stay asleep, I assume he just keeps him going in his cot in the dark room until an acceptable pre agreed time (say 6am) at which I reappear and feed him and we start the day as normal and hopefully he has a massive breakfast! And still to normal post lunch nao if we can keep him going that long?
Bit of history so not to drip feed - he is dairy and gluten intolerant so I am always a bit wary that I haven't been able to cram in the fat/calories during the day, he doesn't drink any other milk and only has 2-3 breastfeeds during the day (refuses all other offers). He won't eat alternative yoghurty things either but he otherwise has a fab diet, lots of fish, meat, coconut and avocado, lots of good fats and filling protien stuff. As well as loads of fruit and veg.
He also has terrible separation anxiety and cries when either me/DH/grandparents/older brother leave the house. He is very very clingy and frankly quite miserable a lot of the time but I am sure lack of sleep is to blame for a lot of this.
Any other night weaning methods would be very welcome and opinions on DH's plan. Basically I need help, I'm depserate.
Thanks.
PS might be worth saying I don't want to wean in the day times and still feed to sleep just for luch time nap.
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Infant feeding
Desperate and need to night wean 16 month old - is this plan cruel?
10 replies
ilovetosleep · 10/08/2015 13:38
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