4 day old baby - help and advice wanted please

[flowers1]

I have a beautiful baby daughter, Jess, born last Thursday weighing 7lbs 14ozs.

I have been trying to breast feed, and until about 24 -36 hours ago, thought that things were going well. I was attempting to feed on demand, and Jess was producing a good number of dirty nappies, although she seemed fractious and I couldn't get her to settle. However, midwives at the hospital assured me that this would improve once my milk came in and that she would soon be happier.

I came home from hospital on Saturday. Since then, Jess has been on and off my breast at frequent short intervals, but doesn't seem to be getting enough food. She is awake for most of the night for every night so far, and dozes for short periods throughout the day. She would be latched on to me all day if I allowed this, and often my feeds last for an hour plus.

Today the midwife came to see me and I explained my worries that she is not getting enough food, and that she has only produced 1 pooey nappy in the last 24 hours. She is also very unsettled, even after a good feed of 30 mins plus. My breasts are tender and enlarged, but I have been unable to get more than a couple of drops of milk out of them even after trying massage, hot flannels etc.

Today I have been feeling blue and tired and tearful. At 7.30pm tonight I succumbed and gave her a small formula feed. She has seemed more contented since having this, and has done a small poo.

Can more experienced Mums tell me:

1. Is it normal to feel so upset that I can't settle her and make her happpy?
2. Should I continue to try and breastfeed? Should I top up with formula in the night if I am tired?
3. I thought milk was supposed to flow out of us and be difficult to control. Why don't I seem to be producing any?

Any help/guidance/reassurance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[NotQuiteCockney]

If your breasts are tender and enlarged, you definately have milk in them. But babies are better at getting milk out than flannels etc.

That being said, I'm not sure that your baby is latched on properly. Did the midwife watch you feed your baby?

If you want to continue to breastfeed, you should try to see a BFC. They are experts, and can let you know if the latch is right, and what's going on. If you want to keep breastfeeding, you shouldn't offer formula generally, at least not before six weeks - the more your baby feeds, the more milk you will make. Giving formula obviously doesn't help with this.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Wanting to be latched all the time is pretty normal, by the way. As is feeding a lot, particularly in the first weeks.

How is your baby's weight?

Being upset and emotional is very very normal at this point, even without the worries you are having about breastfeeding.

[MamaApronstrings]

congrats on the birth of your dd. your doing really well - your hormones will be all over the place at this stage - it is really normal to be tearful, overwhelmed, anxious etc. Even if everything were text book yuo may well feel upset. I would def. try and continue - I am sure you will be producing milk. Ask your midwife for hrlp - or a BFC. I couldn't settle my first baby either, a really nice midwife helped me with dd1's latch, and as the days turned into weeks it gets easier.

Also try to remember that nearly all babies have unsettled times throuhgout the day, not many feed efficiently then sleep for 3 hours.

[shrub]

I would try phoning a la leche league helper, there should be a group in your area or a breastfeeding counsellor, it takes lots and lots of time, you are doing your best, I have had 3 babies and still needed help with the latch with my last one.
do you feel the 'let down' of the milk coming in?
laleche
it can be so hard at the beginning but so worth it. also found lots of skin to skin contact helps oh and get someone to buy some 'lansinoh' if you are sore - you can ask to get it on prescription (i phoned my midwife and she managed to do this and deliver it to me)
best of luck
x

[TeamC]

Congratulations
I'd try to carry on breastfeeding if I were you, def get advice from HV.
She'll have no concept of night or day yet - my DD also slept most of the day and was awake most of the night to begin with - they do tend to work it out in a few weeks, hang on in there
Also, my experience was of vastly long feeds too - looking back, I can see that most of it was her suckling for comfort, bless
The nappies will vary from day to day, it's common not to poo for a day or two, I wouldn't worry about this aspect unless it's MANY days, your HV should help you here too.
Good luck and well done

[littlepiggie]

i does get better, in the first few weeks i would sit and cry with been so tired, but with each passing week i forgot how bad the last one was.

I found that in the first few weeks just sitting on the sofa with dh running aroud after me or watching tv in bed, feeding after his bath at 6 if dh was at work made it a lot easier.

[evilstepmom]

really do keep on going, it is well worth it even though it may be diffcult right now. bf babies can go for a week without having a poo, as long as the nappies are wet dont worry. ring your healthvisitor/midwife, la leche, anyone who you would feel comfortable with.
please keep going, you and your baby will both love it
my top tip for engorged norks (and if you have them, then you have milk ) is hot flannels on them in the bath. if your baby wants to feed loads, let her as much as you can, its still early days and you will find some sort of routine when you are both ready.
lots of positive thoughts for you

[ginnedupmummy]

Message withdrawn

[bramblina]

congratulations and well done.
I remember the first few days being all over the place and it wasn't until the mw said no two days are the same that I actually realised how different they were.
Your milk has probably only just come in so things may change drastically. Is really is worth it, hang on in there and just to repeat, you very quickly forget all the hard bits.
Again, repeating, your hormones will be making it hard for you to feel "normal" therefore you will feel you can't settle her, but it's maybe a little tension. Relax.
Personally I would not give formula, especially so early. Give yourself time, it all takes time, and soon enough you'll have it all down to a fine art! I wouldn't say the formula would make her more contented, she may find it more difficult to digest and will probably be quite tired!
I'm sure someone else will come along soon and advise.
Good luck! You will be loving it all very soon.

[nearlythree]

I have ffed two of my babies after trying to bfeed and bfed one for 22 months. I say keep trying too, for a while at least, bfeeding is great, but if you do decide to ffeed then do so and feel okay about it. IME the only person who not bfeeding affected was me as I needlessly beat myself up about it.

[LIZS]

What did the midwife say when you told her your worries, was she concerned or reassuring ? tbh the grazing, sleeplessness, fullness, mood swings all sound pretty familiar at this stage but it does pass. If you want to continue to breastfeed it is best to avoid top ups and do ring one of the counselling helplines for advice on signs to look for - is she swallowing , do her ears and temples move as she sucks ?

It could be that your engorgement(a sign that there is milk there) is affecting your baby's latching on effectively, or that it comes out a bit too fast for her intially, in which case expressing a little to relieve the fullness before trying to latch her on may help but hand expressing is a particular technique. Warm flannels , showers, savoy cabbage leaves down your bra(chilled!) should help relieve the discomfort in between feeds. It is a learning experience for both of you, take one day at a time.

[isasmama]

congratulaTions flowers1,

my son is 2 months plus and i pretty much went thru the same thing with him...but i wasnt able to feed him at all for 2 days...tho i had lots and lots of help from the midwives and my mum..but nuthin seemed to work!

i was so desperate and the 2nd day after being totally unable to feed him, i sent out his dad at 12 at night to get sum formula as he was cryin inconsolably..

but but i dint give up with my efforts to breast feed him n continued tryin and after much effort on day 3 wen the milk came in everythin got settled..but he was latched on to me for an hour at times and i was exhuasted...
welll to make a long story short...i give him one bottle of formula at nite becoz by then i m too tired by then to sit wid him for hours..and still i m breast feedin all day long..
having sed that... from wat i have read...not all babies can easily adjust the transition from breast to bottle...so be careful..
but all ill say is breast feeding is not easy for every one..but hang in there n ull do just fine!!

and yea by no means am i discouraging u to breast feed!!

[juliaplustwo]

Milk dose not have to flow out in rivers, breatfeeding second baby, and have never had the need for breast pads, the milk is there, just cos you can't see it, baby will make it come. Every thing in your post could not be more normal. Contact La leche.

[juliaplustwo]

Being born is as much a shock for baby as it is for you.

[glowworm]

1. Baby blues, and a crying baby will make anyone feel suicidal in a very short time
2. YES you should continue to BF. NO don't top up with formula as there is no need
3. The milk is there - you said it yourself - your boobs are full and engorged.

Tomorrow morning, phone your MW/HV and ask where your nearest BF support group is (or similar). Then go to it.

Keep trying, it gets easier and you are doing the best thing for your baby and for you as well.

[Liv321]

Oh, flowers1, it's tricky all round... but don't give up!! It is tempting to opt for a bottle, but I would recommend avoiding that for a bit longer.

Either NCT (dedicated breastfeeding line from 8am to 10pm 7 days a week on 0870 4448708) or La leche (who provide a 24-hour support line (0845 120 2918)). Will be a real help - chat to them on the phone for support and ideas, and either can arrange for you to see someone.

What I found hard bf'ing dd1 was that neither of us had a clue what we were doing, and no one seemed interested in telling us. BUT once you both get the hang of it you won't look back.

Hang in there for a wee while and see how you go. Happy thoughts to you both!

[twinklemegan]

Hi Flowers. Ditto to the other posts really. Everything you are experiencing rings true for me. I posted a thread not so long ago about the huge chasm between the way bf is portrayed in the literature and the reality for a lot of women.

I did end up having to introduce some formula, unfortunately, after 10 days or so but that was mostly because I was finding bf agonising, along with all the other problems. I really hated having to do it and would urge you to try to continue with your bf if you can.

Have to say, my DS had no problem switching between breast and bottle - but it's the impact on your establishing milk supply that's more of a problem. If you're making a conscious decision to mixed feed (as I ended up doing) then that wouldn't be a problem, but if you start to find bf easier in a few weeks you may regret using the formula.

BTW, I know exactly what you mean about being too shattered to bf at night - would say though that going downstairs to prepare/warm formula in the middle of the night is a real pain as well!

[Liv321]

Excellent point, Twink!
The only think that kept me sane during long nights was how easy it is to roll over, do a bit of a feed and collpse again. Running about sorting bottles might just have pushed me over the edge!