Failure

[Babyramone]

Hi not looking for sympathy but think I've made big mistake. Last week I had got to 7 weeks of breast feeding albeit with a midnight expressed/formula feed (dependent on what I managed to express.) However was away for weekend and things just got on top of me. On the sunday evening after seeming to be feeding all the time I couldn't cope anymore and made decision to stop. So have been dropping feed every couple of days, now down to 2, 1 am feed and 1 pm.
Feeling very low. Not sure why as to be truthfully have found the feeding so difficult. I am quite large breasted and found it hard to do with out holding my breast. Couldn't do cradle hold at all every time I tried to move to cradle hold my DD would slip off and my nipple esp on left started hurting again and was starting to get sore back as seemed to be all leaning to 1 side and hunched up.
Feel complete failure just wish I'd not been so rash. I had this vision of sitting relaxing with my baby at breast but reality was so different.
I had much worse problems with feeding my DS (3yrs) mastits, abcesses while pregnant and after but still managed to feed him for 20 weeks.
This time I had so much support and feel I've let so many people down not least my DD.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Oh hun

You havent let anyone down. Breastfeeding takes quite a while to establish, and they go through various growth spurts (which are designed to up your supply) but can be quite fretful, tiresome periods.

If you want to continue b/feeding it IS possible to relactate - I havent done this but I know quite a few MNers have done so very successfully. Have you got a breastpump? If so, start expressing ASAP. Someone like tiktok or mears will be along I am sure to give you some decent advice.

FWIW - I never cradle held mine to b/feed - I wasnt shaped/designed for it! I Always had an L shaped pillow supporting the baby and my arm under the pillow or under my baby whichever suited. Sitting upright in a chair wasnt for me, and particularly if I had no pillow - I would slouch in a chair so my stomach would take most of my babies weight. (They were 9lb 13oz and 8lb 12 oz when born so not easy to hold at the best of times). I wouldnt normally suggest not sitting straight up etc, but if you are large norked (and particularly if your nippes point slightly southwards.....[blush) then you cant sit in the standard b/feeding "position". You need to find a comfortable position for YOU, that is also comfortable for baby and enables them to latch properly. My two never really laid tummy to tummy with me....

If you dont want to continue - dont feel bad. You gave it a good shot, and, 7 weeks is a very good start.

[AitchTwoOh]

coulda, woulda, shoulda, babyramone... i'm not in a position to comment on whether the situation is rescuable (i hope someone else will come along soon) but i'm sure that you looked at a big picture in your life when you decided to stop, and when you put all the reasons together you came to your decision.
that might have been the right decision in that moment, and now you might be regretting it... these things do happen...
what can i say? you're not a failure, and i'm very sorry for you that you are feeling that way. i had the vision that bfing would be a beautiful bonding experience, and sometimes it was but it mostly was quite grim. i mix-fed as for various medical reasons for 17 weeks.

even if you can't get your feeding back up, do you think mix-feeding might be an option? there are lots of benefits for the baby, not as perfect as the perfect BFing experience (which not everyone is fortunate enough to have) but you'll be passing on your immunities for a while longer? would making the decision to change your mind about stopping bfing make you feel any better?

if you want to give up, all i can say is that you already know that being a mother is about nurturing your child in many ways, of which bf is one. an important one, but just one in the end...

kinda rambling now as am tired, but try and keep your chin up. the baby is only 7 weeks old, you've got another child to look after, you are probably exhausted and who can blame you?

[mamama]

You really haven't let anyone down - you hav done something that isn't at all easy and you did it for 7 weeks. Your DD has had a great start . And if the bf was making you miserable and stopping will make you feel happier, then you have made the right decision. But, if you are wondering if you have been a bit rash and are having regrets, maybe you could continue with the 2 bf twice a day? At least until you are sure you want to give up. Perhaps you could try DD in a different position - the rugby ball hold or lying on your side. It wouldn't be too difficult to increase your supply, if that's what you wanted to do.

I know breastfeeding is meant to come naturally & be this great bonding experience but it isn't always like that. Lots of us have a really hard time and it isn't much fun. You have my sympathy. But please, make sure you are convinced you have made the right choice. There's nothing worse than having regrets

I know there are some MNers who will be much more helpful that me - I hope they come along soon.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

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[VeniVidiVickiQV]

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[CorrieDale]

oh you poor thing. You sound sooo unhappy. But you haven't been rash - it's just one of those things. If you feel you want to have another go, then I would definitely second the advice to get a feeding cushion. I paid £20 for one from mothercare and I'd have paid four times that once I'd used it once. I, too, have big boobs and it took DS a while to work out what to do. Then I stuck him on the cushion, he was safe and supported and I could keep hold of the boob. It was unbelievably easy. Worth a try perhaps? And perhaps call the LLL or NCT? They can give much better advice than most of us about bfing.

Pleeeease try not to beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. It's understandable to feel sad because it's always disappointing when you've looked forward to doing something and it hasn't worked out. But for god's sake, bin the guilt. You'll get plenty of that as a parent, don't start now!

[lulumama]

just to echo what the other posters have said

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

i didn;t manage to breastfeed..but i have recently come across a fab book

breastfeeding your baby -by Sheila Kitzinger

very easy to understand and has lots of great pics of how best to feed baby if you have a large boobs.

have you tried La Leche league, NCT , ABM, for some help with the feeding....?

wish i cold offer more ....just to say well done for getting this far

someone more knowledgeable is bound to be along soon..xxx

[Babyramone]

Thanks everyone, you've all made me feel so much better. Everything much clearer in my head. I read all your posts and went and thought about all the things pointed out. I was in tears during my OP.
VenividivickiQv your spot on about how tricky it is with a large bust, I've also got bit of tum and just find it hard to hold my dd close. I have a cushion, got lovely one from local pram shop, but the midwives pooh poohed it saying it was making things worse (couldn't get latching on at all at first, ended up with awful bleeding nipples) so I stopped using it. Have started using it again, wish hadn't listened.
Decided not to try and build up feeds, too much with demanding though very funny 3yr old but going to make big effort to keep the two feeds going. Going to try and make the most of them and enjoy them.
AitchtwoOH I too had vision of this amazing bonding thing, infact I bond from just looking at her, whether on breast or bottle or when I change her, She is lovely
A big thanks again I feel more in control and less regretful. Still emotional mess but that's probably lack of sleep. But someone is now sleeping at last so I'm away to bed at last.

[AitchTwoOh]

night night babyramone, sleep well.