Considering giving up after a measily 17 days...

[weeblueberry]

I'm in agony. Obviously I was letting DD nipple feed on my left (despite knowing how to latch her well because she's my second breastfed baby) and my left nipple is utterly shot to hell. It makes me cry with pain whenever she tries to latch onto the left and using my right exclusively doesn't work either because that was starting to hurt just as much despite the latch being fine.

Last time with DD I almost certainly slid into undiagnosed PND, primarily due to the breastfeeding. I really can't afford to go through that again this time because my toddler is already suffering through us now having to deal with the baby.

I just feel shattered. Utterly crap. I hated breastfeeding last time and really wanted it to be different this time round but its not, albeit in s different way (DD1 feeding wasn't painful...). If it wasn't so so sore this time Id keep it up but honestly not sure I can go on like this. Have spoken to breastfeeding group/counselor and midwife and health visitor and have tried everything they've suggested but I'm actually crying in pain virtually every left feed and I'm worried my toddler will see this and get upset.

Baby doesn't have tongue tie. I doubt it's thrush because its been only on one nipple.

I just don't know what to do and feel really broken at the moment...

[stargirl1701]

Nipple shields? I used Medela ones with DD1 as feeding was excruciating. I used latex ones with DD2 to try and blunt the force of my letdown.

[catchingzzzeds]

I had a terrible time feeding my first son, did it for 13 months and hated it. Terrible PND that took ages to shift. If it's making you miserable change to bottle feeding. I bottle fedDS2 and it was a totally different experience. 17 days isn't measly, do what's best for both of you.

[weeblueberry]

I've tried them but when DD2 latches on she almost always knocks it off and it creates real issue. I can't hold it in place because I need both hands to get her latched on.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm making excuses...

[weeblueberry]

Thanks catching. I just wonder whether people are going to think 'bloody hell she couldn't even do it for a month...' Honestly I have a very high pain threshold but this is beyond anything I've done before (including two drug free births).

[BikeRunSki]

I didn't manage 17 days with either baby, actually maybe I did second baby but not a great deal longer. DS I managed a week. They're 6 and 3 now, you'd never be able to seperate FF and bf children in tgeir classes. If ff or mixed feeding will help you, then do it. Assuming you have a clean kitchen, clean YSP water and can afford formula for the next year, then do it.

[frikadela01]

Get her on the formula if it really that bad... your own health both physical and mental is not worth sacrificing. No one will give you a medal for suffering. 17days isnt a short time when you consider youre just recovering from birth and what not.

Fwiw my sister gave up 2 weeks in after a 2 hour phone call crying to my mum about her painful nipples. She now actually enjoys feeding her baby rather than dreading it.

[makeminea6x]

Screw "people". If it makes you sad and sore, and doesn't work for you and your family, stop. You gave your baby colostrum, that's great. Now you can do something different. Breastfeeding doesn't work for every family. because it's hard when feeding doesn't work how you planned.

[marinerkk]

17 days isn't measley, well done for doing so much when it's obviously causing you pain. Happy mum helps to have a happy baby, no good dreading every feed IMO. Maybe time for a bottle x

[MrsNuckyThompson]

Please call LLL or better still go to a drop in somewhere. It can be agony but honestly you'll get it sorted and then it'll be wonderful.

[weeblueberry]

Thank you all. I know logically it's not something to be ashamed of I just worry I will personally feel like I've given up.

mrsnuckythompson unfortunately it's unlikely I'll ever consider it wonderful. I really really want to but even with the painless time last baby I didn't enjoy it. I did it but hated it the entire time.

[weeblueberry]

And I have been to a drop in but she said the wee one was still learning to feed and to just put up with the pain until she learned to consistently latch properly. Unfortunately it's got to the point where I don't think I can.

[TarkaTheOtter]

I loved bfing mine and I think it has positive effects but if you hate it, stop. We all make loads of compromises against what we think are "optimal" parenting choices. It's the big picture which matters.

[PacificDogwood]

Most importantly - Reasons why you should be PROUD for getting as far as you have got

My heart goes out to you - like you, I've not enjoyed BFing (well, most of the time), but it did get so much better and once really well established was much easier than the faff with bottles (I've bottle-, mix- and BF 4 kids with various degrees of success).

Yy to geting knowledgable advice and help and therapeutic use of nipple shields - IF you want to keep going. IF.
Many women find it important for the mental health that they do everything they can to keep BFing, other may benefit from stopping.

Do what makes you a well and fit mother. We are so, so lucky that we live in a world in which it is easy to safely FF if that is what you want to do.

If you stop, stop as a positive decision, not because you are 'giving up'. You are stopping because you hope to feel better and to be a healthy mother - a world of a difference.

I know that BFing has many advantages for mother and baby, but that does not make it the best option every time and for every mother/baby team.

Don't beat yourself up - if you would like to find a way to continue BFing then you are likely to have to actively go out there and find help. LLL are excellent, as are many BFing Advisors attached to delivery suits etc. Beware of well-meaning, but not alway terribly well-informed HV (quality of advice varies hugely) and other HCP (I am saying this as a GP - I knew nothing about BFing until I had my own kids).

Hope you feel better v soon and that whichever way you feed your baby you both thrive together

[MrsNuckyThompson]

I feel you've had some bad advice there and of course you shouldn't just put up with pain. See someone else and definitely have her checked for tt.

It also sounds like you didn't enjoy bf'ing previously and feel you need 'permission' to give up which of course you don't need!

You might feel guilty if you do, especially if you haven't explored all avenues but you and your child will be just fine!

[BikeRunSki]

The NCT post Pacific linked to is what helped me realise, after 3 weeks with DD, that actually she'd had the lion's share of the benefits of bf. A happy, relaxed mother was the main benefit of ff for my children. I hated bf.

[catchingzzzeds]

But you're not giving up, you've tried everything to make it work. If you make the decision to bottle feed don't look back get on with enjoying your baby. It's funny how at the time it feels like the biggest deal but before you know it they're toddling around and no one gives a stuff how you fed your child because they all turn out the same in the end

[timelyreminder]

Whatever you decide, making a decision which you feel is best in the circumstances is nothing to do with anyone else. Don't take any notice of what other people might possibly think.

[PacificDogwood]

And I have been to a drop in but she said the wee one was still learning to feed and to just put up with the pain until she learned to consistently latch properly

See, that's a fine example of rubbish advice to a struggling mother

I was hell-bent on BFing my no3 and made a real nuisance of myself with various agencies to get help (my recurring problem was blocked ducts and mastitis, poor weight gain and poor milk transfer - all inter-connected problems of course ) and what kept me going was to never commit further than The Next Feed. I was going to give him One More Feed and Then We'll See. And then I gave him another. And another…. .
It helped my not to have to feel I 'had' to achieve whatever magical milestone, I could stop any time (I gave myself permission to stop After The Next Feed) and because of that I kept going. Does that make any sense?

You are most certainly not 'failing' at anything.

[weeblueberry]

Thank you all. I really truly appreciate all of your support and advice.

I admit my main worry is that if I don't try every little thing I'm always going to wonder if it had got better. But rationally I know it's a case of 'to what end?'. How long do you go hoping it will get better? How long should it be as painful as it is? I genuinely don't know...

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

I really struggled with BF, and ended up expressing with a machine rented from local midwife team. It was £10 for 6 weeks rental, all the 'reusable' parts were sterile packed for personal use (so totally clean to use!) and it was so much better than the hand pumps (painful & useless) and much much cheaper than the electric pumps you can buy in boots, etc.

Maybe ask your HV/midwife if they have a similar scheme?

I know it means you lose out on the closeness and bonding with your child, but it does at least allow your child to receive the benefits of breast milk.

[weeblueberry]

I have tried expressing but only seem to get about 2.5oz in 45 mins or so of pumping. I think the next step will be trying to express in order to meet her needs but I don't seem to be a natural at expressing so don't know whether I'll make enough to keep her going. It's definitely something I'll try first though.

[PacificDogwood]

You need help with the pain now - google LLL and see where/when your next local meeting is.
Does the hospital where you delivered have a dedicated BFing Advisor?
Can they see you at home?
Insist that you need face-to-face help. somebody who watches you latch and corrects it.
Change position - I found the rugby hold much easier than a conventional cradle hold. Also look at cross-cradle - much more control.
Take baby off every single time when the latch is not right - break the seal/vacuum with your little finger, rather than pulling her off.
Look at 'Dr Jack Newman' videos about BFing on YouTube - he is my BFing hero - in particular look at the 'breast sandwich' (NOT chicken breast sandwich )
I also found that the breastpump was at times less sore than a suckling baby, but as a short term measure only.
Do you have a good nipple cream?

Just some random thoughts - have a look at what's available in your local area.

[PacificDogwood]

How much you express says very little about how much she is actually getting when she drinks from the breast directly - a baby is the most effective BM remover, provided the latch is good.
You may find that you are able to express more in the morning (maybe after she had her first feed) and less as the day goes on.
Are you any good with hand expressing? I was always useless….

FWIW, my bf, ff and mix-fed DSs all seem to enjoy the same degree of health btw

[weeblueberry]

Thank you Pacific. I've just looked and the next LLL meeting isn't until the 8th of May. Theres a local number to call though, which I think I will tomorrow.

I'm not worried about how much she's getting from me as such because she has plenty of wet and dirty nappies. It's more about the fact that if I can't express very much, she's not going to get enough at ebm feeds if you know what I mean?

[PacificDogwood]

I know what you mean, but that's not the case
Feed her first (if you can bear it - ?try shields) and then express
Or feed her from one side and express from the other (than can increase flow quite dramatically). Only problem with that is one needs more arms/hands than the average human is equipped with…

Yes, phone them in the morning. Say you need help NOW and see what they can suggest.
My youngest is now 5, I have not BF in 4 years and I still get clammy hands and palpitations when I think how bad I felt at the worst patches of it.
You are doing a fab job, this mothering lark is the toughest job in the world and just by worrying about getting it right, you ARE getting it right IYKWIM?

Hope LO lets you get some sleep tonight

And have I said 'congratulations' btw? Congratulations!!