9.5 month bf, refuses bottles/solids. Starting full time shift working in 3 weeks. Help!

[milkyway1304]

I've also posted this in weaning.

My dd is almost 10 months. She is bf on demand (and will demand up to every 2 hours if I can't distract her), has never accepted a bottle. Will drink water from a cup but not milk.

Started weaning at 6 months and would never eat from a spoon so went down the BLW route. She has essentially zero interest in solids. In the past week she has swallowed approximately 10peas. That's really it.

I'm going back to work full time, shifts including regular nights in 3 weeks and have no idea how she will manage. I will be working up to 70 hours some weeks. She has had some settling in days at nursery (up to 6 hours) and refused all milk and solids, becomes upset but will hold out. I've tried giving her food an hour after bf, 2 hours, holding out and refusing to bf.

I don't stress (in front of her) or try to force feed her, but I really need her to 1. Eat so I know she will be ok when I'm working 2. Cut back on breastfeeds so I won't be horribly engorged going back to work.

Please does anyone have any advice, as am getting desperate.

[milkyway1304]

Anyone have any experience? Any friends who breastfed just left solids and water going back to work. But they all had children who ate!

[WishUponAStar88]

I have no advice as my daughter is only 5 months but bumping for you and hope someone helpful comes along soon!

[KirstyM2014]

Hi I went back to work when lo was 8 months and she was bf on demand up until bout 3/4 weeks before when I tried to slow the daytime feeds. She would eat on and off but she now drinks formula from a bottle for me and eats solids well in nursery (not so much at home) I think the peer pressure of being around other children helped. I've now got down to 1\2 feeds a day. I went back to work full time straight off. Haveu got any settling in days at nursery? These helped us a lot xx

[KirstyM2014]

We had 3 x 2 hour settling days and then week after 3 x 6\7 hour days she didn't really drink much formula in them but by end of first week she was. I know not all same but I think once she was settled and used to the nursery she was more relaxed xx fingers crossed it works with ur lo as well xx

[milkyway1304]

Hi Kirsty- thanks very much. Did your little one take a bottle before going to nursery? Mine has refused every bottle she's ever been offered (daily since she was 3 weeks) so I find it hard to imagine she'll suddenly take to it. She's been going in 1 day per week the last 3 weeks for 4-6 hours and hasn't eaten anything, or drank any milk for them. We have a full settling in week in 2 weeks. I'm starting a new post so it's all quite short notice. I'm getting really worried as I'm going to be doing long hours and she will be trying to cope with being away from me and also being hungry.

I don't think she really has any concept of the fact that food fills you up. She's starting to slip down centiles a bit now (which in itself doesn't concern me as she's very mobile) but can't really afford to start losing weight. I honestly don't know any other babies who don't eat anything at her age. Other mothers complain if the baby doesn't finish an Ella's pouch- I would be delighted if she'd eat a quarter of one.

[Artandco]

I would swap around when you feed or feed less.

So in the morning get her up and put in highchair and give some breakfast first. Just some thick porridge/ egg or toast etc. let her eat what she wants whilst you eat but otherwise ignore so don't keep saying eat this etc.

After breakfast dress for the day and then breastfeed. So she is hungrier first thing and might eat more solids.

Or breastfeed first but only for a quick feed, then solids, then offer the rest of breastfeed after

[milkyway1304]

Art- that's exactly what I do. She normally feeds at about 5am so at 8ish (when she wakes) I give her a little food on her highchair, and don't tell her to eat or try to convince her at all. She throws it on the floor. I don't react. and "we" clear up after I've eaten. I breastfeed before her morning nap, then we have lunch when she wakes. Same thing then- except she may occasionally eat 1 bite of something. Another breastfeed then before her next nap. Dinner time is her best. She might eat a few peas, or maybe 1-2pieces of pasta for example. Maybe 1 day in 3/4.

She usually then has bath, and bed between 8-9. Feeds before bed. Usually then 1 feed between 8 and 5. I've been trying my best to drop more feeds (been a lot of work to get down to this), but she gets very very upset if I'm around and not feeding her.

If I wasn't going back to work so soon I genuinely wouldn't be worried, I do know she'll get there in the end. However at the moment it looks like it will be a starve into submission scenario at nursery which I really don't want. I also don't want the nursery staff making a big deal of her (not) eating but following her few settling in days they already are.

[Artandco]

I would consider night weaning then. No feeds between bed at 9pm and morning. In the morning give breakfast and a beaker/ cup of regular milk or formula or expressed. She will likely be hungry and thirsty enough to drink from something and eat. Offer Breast feed 30mins after. Offer any drinks on immediate waking from a beaker/ cup

So daily something like:
7.30am wake. Water from beaker
8am breakfast and milk of some sort in beaker
9am breast feed
11am milk in beaker/ cup
1pm lunch
3pm breastfeed
5pm milk in cup/ beaker
6pm dinner
8pm breastfeed
8.30pm bed

Offer water in between and with all meals. Having the breastfeeds 3-4 hours before next meal will leave her hungry enough to try solids and might have the milk from beaker in between if hungry at those times. Maybe add snack when you offer he milk in beaker ie small bit of fruit or cheese

[Countryside14]

Omg this could be me writing this!! I'm going through the exact same thing and my dd is exactly the same age. She has no interest in food either. Its frustrating as I thought we'd be further than we are at nearly 10 months. She won't take any bottles and only has water from a sippy cup.

I hope someone can give us some encouraging words :)

[NickyEds]

I agree with Artandco- try cutting down to 3 bf a day and offer frequent snacks (so 5 solids a day and 3 bf rather than 5 bf and 3 solids). Nursery staff do seem to be expert in keeping babies fed though, a few of my mates have been through this and their babies have been fine (a few really increased night feeds after starting nursery though).

[Jemimabelle]

Have you tried again with spoon feeding? My baby initially refused foods on a spoon between about 6 and 8 months but wasn't really eating much with BLW, I tried baby porridge and yoghurt on spoons and he took it eventually. He then started taking a few more savoury foods on a spoon, alongside with feeding himself bits. We still do a combination now at 11 months, and he doesn't eat a great deal but gets by. He Is also a bottle refuser, and a formula refuser, but has a little cows milk from a straw cup a few times a day, along with breast feeds.

[DoItTooJulia]

I know of a baby that wasn't interested in food at all in the first year, but come about 16 months just got it, so it may just be a time thing.

In terms of my experience, I had an EBF baby who wouldn't take a bottle and fed constantly (although would eat) which in the end drove me mad. I decided to stop bf him at 8 months. I went cold Turkey and he eventually took a bottle of milk from me 2 and a half days later.

The bottle, incidentally, was a nuk with the latex teat. I tried them all including the calma teats, bog standard ones, Dr. Brown, you name it. We did everything, offered it him warm, cool, in a cup, my mum offered it to him, DH, ds1 (9) tried. But in the end me and him got cuddled up in the really early morning and he took it. And he never asked to bf again.

It makes me a bit sad really, because I bf ds1 for longer, but he was just so demanding and it was a heartbreaking couple of days. But I needed to do it.

But my point is eventually they'll accept a change. Eventually they'll take milk or food at nursery. You'll get into a routine together and it will hopefully all click into place.

Good luck

[milkjetmum]

My dd2 was a strict bottle refuser, and I had to go back to work when she was 8 months plus irregular hours etc.

A few weeks before I went back I said no boobs in the afternoon. So 1pm - 5pm I would not bf. Offered cups/beakers etc - she refused and just waited until after 5. But I did it to prevent engorgement and get dd2 used to new pattern. Then back to work so no boob available 7pm-7pm, I was happy to bf on demand 7pm-7am. Dd2 held out a month before she finally gave in and took a bottle during they day!

So I know it it's hard, but if you have to work there's no two ways about it really. So I suggest working towards not bf during what will be your working hours so you can both get used to it. Your dd will adjust reluctantly, eventually no doubt these determined daughters will grow up to be young women who know their own mind!

[milkyway1304]

Thanks everyone. I really am cutting back on feeds. She absolutely adores the breast, always has. I had originally hoped not to go back until she was over a year, but was offered a post I can't really refuse, the longest they can delay is to this date in 3 weeks.

I've always been a little in awe of those who manage to decide on a breastfeeding routine! I never offer feeds (except the occasional time she has been unwell). She very clearly demands feeds every 2 hours or so if I'm about. I distract her, offer food and water and have managed to stretch her to 4-5 hours in day time- all this has achieved is going from sleeping all night to waking regularly! I can deal with reverse cycling but it's not a long term solution. She becomes absolutely distraught if I'm around and won't feed her- tears, hysterical crying and vomiting. This is a baby who genuinely hardly ever cried so I really have never been able to deal with it.

I have no objection to spoon feeds if she would take them- she will not allow a spoon in her mouth and will gag and vomit if it's sneaked in.

Unfortunately she's got a fever this evening so can't see much progress happening in the next few days, but am thinking nightweaning will probably have to be the next step. God knows how!

[Frecklefacedgirls]

Have you tried offering her expressed breast milk?
None of my ebf DC have wanted to take a bottle though with DS and DD1 as I had to go back to work when they were 12 weeks old (in the 90s when maternity leave was rubbish!) they did start to accept bottles at nursery.
I hadn't mastered expressing with DS so he had formula during the day and I breastfed at night.
I managed to express with DD1 and would use the pump at work at lunchtime and mid afternoon and breastfeed at night. On the days I wasn't working I just continued to breastfeed on demand.
With DD2 I went back to work, but only part time, when she was 7 months old and she would wait till I got back home,she never took a bottle or would accept any formula.
DD3 is now nearly 10 months old and will take expressed breast milk from a "Doidy cup" ,which you can buy from Amazon. She will take a little water from the cup though spits a lot out but if she's offered warmed breastmilk from it her little face lights up when she recognises the familiar taste and she takes it eagerly.
If you knew you had a pump and could express at work you wouldn't have the added stress of worrying about engorgement.
Also if you knew she would take the breast milk that way you would be happier that she's not going hungry when you have to leave her and it might ease the transition for you while you get back to work?
Hopefully with time she'll start to take more interest in solids, but I've been told by my health visitor that "food is for fun until they're one" so some babies must take longer than others and milk is still the main source of nutrition at this stage.

[milkyway1304]

Thanks Freckled. Yep, have been trying with EBM but no luck. She'll happily take water from sippy or Doidy cyp but not milk I'm afraid. I'll be working in a front line NHS service, expressing won't really be an option. I have expressed 7L since last month so theoretically enough to see her through til 1year without my needing to express while working but since she will only take milk from the source I'd be happier if she would eat even 1 meal/day!

[KirstyM2014]

Hi milky way, sorry for the delay, yes my lo point blank refused bottles and formula before nursery, she started to take maybe an once of formula from a sippy cup but did seem to suddenly start drinking from a bottle at nursery, I'm now down to 1 feed in morning and she will have 4\5oz bottle 3 times a day now (started nursery 5th Jan) I think I may be lucky but my lo does like the formula hot ( almost bit too hot sometimes I think but she will wolf it down hot) I just use avent\tommee tippee but on fast flow teats for both xx
With regards to eating just try to keep persevering AMD hopefully it will come xx

[Frecklefacedgirls]

Sorry I haven't anything useful to add milky but had to say WOW to expressing 7l of milk, I'm very impressed!
Maybe she'll be more likely to eat when the other babies at nursery are having meals, she may want to copy them?
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you x

[milkyway1304]

Thanks everyone, just wanted to update you all that on Wednesday she suddenly started eating. She's had a little food at each meal for the past few days (finger food) and even had solid poos! Didn't do anything different, seems she just finally got the hang of it. Dramatically reduced her breastfeeds suddenly too, so looks like she'll only need to make up her lunchtime milk in the nursery. I'm quite engorged but managing with hand expressing. Fingers crossed this keeps up next week when settling in!

[KirstyM2014]

congrats milky way fingers crossed for you x