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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

He doesn't want me any more.

31 replies

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 11:11

Ms ds isn't interested in bf any more, it seems. I made the mistake of adding too many formula top-ups over time (he's now 4 mths), which I know hasn't helped. I've been giving bf for first feed of the day and as snacks between meals and tried before bottles up till now. Gradually he's less and less interested. He doesn't seem to want to lie down to feed, he has suffered from reflux, but isn't bothered sitting up. He is teething, I think. He starts off really keen but after a few sucks he's more busy looking round, though a quiet room doesn't help. Otherwise he just gets cross and cries. I know the milk is there, I can hear gulping and I'm feeling uncomfortably full now. Useless at expressing though, it takes soooooo long for a tiny amount. I hate it. What can I do? Is there anything I can do? I'm feeling heartbroken. I suppose it had to end sometime, but so soon?

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fortyplus · 18/10/2006 12:03

It's so much easier to take milk from a bottle than a boob that lots of babies aren't keen on the boob if they're hungry. Express lots of milk so that you have plenty and it's easy for him to feed. How about pick him up and offer him the boob just a couple of hours after a bottle feed so he isn't starving. Maybe sometimes give him cooled boiled water in his bottle instead of milk - he'll get so cross about that he'll be pleased to have a boob back!
If nothing works then don't beat yourself up about it - you've bf past 12 weeks and that's the main thing.

PocketTasha · 18/10/2006 12:05

Oh hunny. I made the same mistake with my first son. Please don't give up. They do have funny little phases as they get more aware. I gave my first too much expressed milk from a bottle, and even a soft top beaker which he found easier. At the time i didn't know that if i had just stopped the top ups that he would eventually want to BF again. I have no advice or support around, and was convinced that he had just self weaned at four months. Please don't get upset, you don't need to stop, just don't give up and it will be fine. The people on here will offer you so much support. good luck.

PocketTasha · 18/10/2006 12:21

Try the la leche league

The advisers are really good .

fortyplus · 18/10/2006 12:34

NumNumMum i couldn't remember the name of the bf advisers that PocketTasha has given you - you WILL find them brilliant. Perservere with the expressing though, but freeze it for another time. You may be able to borrow a big electic breast pump - MUCH more effective than trying to do it yourself or using battery version. Chin up

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 13:00

.

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fortyplus · 18/10/2006 13:11

NO NO NO - don't be sad! Go out at once with a good friend and have afternoon tea and cake. You'll more than likely be able to overcome this - but your hormones are obiously playing havoc with you. Have you looked at that website yet? Whatever you do don't mope - you'll just get tense when you do try to bf and your ds will pick up on it straight away. LOL xxx

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 13:18

,. Thank you, didn't know anyone had answered.
Good to know this doesn't have to be the end. Know it seems silly but just feel so rejected. I will persevere with the feeding and the expressing. I like the idea of doing water instead, fortyplus, but think his bottles may be too big for that, theyr'e 7oz. What should I do? Maybe water them down? Or just give less? He has five of those a day, maybe he's just not hungry enough? Though he sleeps all night so I know he's hungry in the morning and he's so quick then- 3-4 mins. He can down 7oz in 4-5 mins sometimes though! It's all confusing. Have never tried LLL, maybe will.

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PocketTasha · 18/10/2006 13:32

hiya

The la leche league really are great. When i have a little more time on my hands i intend to volunteer as one of there advisors. Since the upset i had with my fist son, i bf my second for about a year and am early pg now. And feeling confident about bf when this one arrives. Follow their advice, they are experts. So many health visitors and midwives out there, as lovely as they are, give bad advice becase they don't have the facts. With the water, just offer an ounce if you'd like to try that. You might find it hard and emotional for a little while before your pattern falls back into place but remember that you are doing it because you want the best for your baby. You are obviously a very loving mum. And i really do understand what you mean when you say you feel rejected. I had given my son less and less breastfeeds, and one day tried and he didn't want to know. so i took it as "thats it" and was really upset for the weeks after. I'd hate to see anyone else go through that, especially with what i know now. Don't be sad, it will be alright. .

fortyplus · 18/10/2006 15:30

Yes - just a little water - then when he's quenched his initial thirst offer the boob. But maybe if he's keen to start with that's not the answer? I'm sure the LLL will offer good advice - bf was over 10 years ago for me.

At least your ds is starting off keen - that's really promising. I'm sure if you cut out milk in bottles for a while you'll re-establish the bf.

My 2 both rejected me at 7 months. I can remember with ds2 sitting in bed for his night time feed with him not very interested and being very aware that it was the last time in my life I'd bf.

You're enjoying the closeness of bf and your hormones are running amoc. Try not to give yourself a hard time about feeling rejected - you're probably right about the teething. Maybe give him something cold to chew on or rub baby bonjela into his gums before you feed him.

Whatever happens you've done a great job keeping up the bf till 4 months - give yourself credit for that.

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 16:37

Thank you both. I'm sure my stressing out hasn't helped. I've felt better after talking to you and he's actually had a couple of little feeds. I will take your advice. I had trouble feeding my daughter due to various problems and used a nipple shield which diminished my supply- then one day she just didn't want to know and I gave up. That was almost ten years ago and I still wish things had gone differently. It took six years to conceive this little boy so I think this will be my last time- and I can really relate to what both of you say. Thank you both for your time and care.

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PocketTasha · 18/10/2006 17:06

Happy to help. Breast feeding s such a personal thing, and we have such a lot of emotions wrapped around our children and the bond of breastfeeding. it's true what fortyplus has said, you are doing brilliantly, just try to relax.

tiktok · 18/10/2006 17:28

Numnum - I really hope things get better for you.
I think the issue is as you say - too many formula top ups, and 5 x 7 oz bottles of formula really don't leave any room for breast...result of top ups is that the breastmilk production line dwindles to a halt. It's good you have some milk still but with the gradually increasing bottles, the physical fact is that there won't be enough breastmilk to keep him happy at any one time.

I'm afraid I don't understand the water suggestion offered by fortyplus, sorry. I have never heard of this as an idea for helping a mum with relactation - which is what you really need to think about doing. I really don't think making a baby angry or frustrated so he takes the breast is either a good thing, or effective. Sorry to be contradictory, but the best thing is to talk to a breastfeeding counsellor from one of the helplines and discuss your options.

If you want to build up your milk supply once more, then expressing and feeding is the only way to go - milk needs to be removed from the breast (by the baby or by expressing) many, many times in 24 hours - at least 8-10 times - alongside keeping your baby happy and well-nourished on the formula until your milk supply increases.

Talk to someone on the phone about it...it is definitely worth it, as you are so sad to stop. I really hope it works out.

fortyplus · 18/10/2006 17:48

tiktok - don't worry - I'm not offended in any way. I wasn't proposing the water to help relactation - it was just that if baby was very thirsty he might not want to bother with boob. It's expressing that will stimulate supply.

NumNumMum - good luck with this - glad you feel better already. I'm sure that feeling positive will help. LOL

sallyrosie · 18/10/2006 18:08

NNM - if you find expressing difficult have you tried expressing by hand? I found it much easier than trying to use a manual pump and it works really well. Alternatively invest in an electric pump - can highly recommend the ameda electric pump. You need to stimulate your boobs to produce more milk somehow in the same way that the baby would be sucking loads when first born.

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 18:38

Tried it last night, took 45mins to get about a desertspoonful. Is this normal? Tried a hand pump for 30 mins- nothing. From what tiktok says sounds pretty hopeless. Gave bottles because was told on here that it sounded like he was hungry when wrote about another problem. Said what I was planning to do but no one warned me that it was a bad idea. I was stupid. My fault really. I don't think I can fit in all the expressing time it seems I would need. Then what if he just doesn't want to? I feel milk now but he won't feed.

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LIZS · 18/10/2006 18:47

I don't think Tiktok meant it was hopeless at all, just that it required a degree of dedication and perseverance. I often couldn't express much in one go but found I got more by doing one side whilst feeding the other. If you really want to increase your supply again do ring a breastfeeding cousellor for advice or to locate a local support group. btw have you changed your name as can't find an earlier thread.

misdee · 18/10/2006 18:50

is there anyway you can get a whole weekend free for just nursing?

tiktok will be back soon i am sure to advise.

tiktok · 18/10/2006 20:41

It's not hopeless ! I explained what needed to be done, and yes, it does require dedication and motivation....better to be clear about this, so you know.

Of course you only get a small amount of milk - at the moment. It's not a bit surprising. 45 mins is too long to be expressing - try going from one breast to the other for about a total of 20 mins. In time, with frequent expressing and feeding, the amount will increase.

Which folder did you say about giving bottles where no one warned you? I hope it wasn't this one....

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 21:10

Ok, will keep up expressing by hand as that's what's worked the best for me. I'll just do it as often as I can. Don't know how often ds will feed because things have got a bit fraught and he just gets cross if I even try, usually. As soon as I put him to my breast he pulls away. I haven't lost hope yet. It's just been an emotional day,.
I haven't changed my name, the thread I mentioned was a while back in the "sleep" folder. (He sleeps wonderfully now.)

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LIZS · 18/10/2006 21:20

Do you mean this one ? Sorry the capitals in the name threw the search first time.

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 21:27

No, it was a few weeks ago. I'll see if I can find it and tell you the heading, if you like, though I can't see how that will help?

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tiktok · 18/10/2006 21:31

Num - try lots of skin to skin, just chillin' at the breast so he understands what a lovely warm and snuggly place it is

You need to 'lure' him back there

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tiktok · 18/10/2006 21:34

I think it is a bit worrying if people are scared to tell a poster that formula top ups will affect breastfeeding - I think it happens, though, for two reasons: one, that people don't realise that this is the result of top ups, and two, they are worried that people will think they are the breastfeeding police/mafia/nazis, or whatever other insult gets chucked about occasionally on mumsnet!

LIZS · 18/10/2006 21:35

Bathing with him might be nice.

tbh, finding the earlier thread probably would n't help now but it is unusual for noone to have contributed that it might compromise your supply long term

NumNumMum · 18/10/2006 21:46

Can't find it, sorry. Never mind, what's done is done. Will try, thank you all for your for help, I'm off now for some expressing!

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