Hugely overwhelmed please help

[Littlebabygrow]

Hi. Ive just joined. I am really struggling with my four day old baby. I know it's early days. She will only feed from one breast. Now she really violently rejects my breast at all.

She becomes hysterical and I mean hysterical when it comes time for a feed. Screaming. I can't calm her down. I have to feed her so she is upset going onto breast. I know this is not the best thing to do but I have no choice.

She won't take a bottle of expressed milk either. This was a last resort at 4am this morning.

Please please help me. Have rung nct but they're too busy

Thank you

[ReluctantCamper]

You should still be under the care of the midwives, I found them very helpful, and they come out at weekends, could you give them a call? Hang in there, it gets better!

[Liara]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I really think you need to get some rl help. If the NCT are not available, have you tried La Leche League? I am sure someone else will come along shortly with some other bf organisations which can help you.

It is possible that your baby has really serious reflux, so is associating feeding with pain (happened to me). If so, you will need to get her diagnosed and on medication asap, or she might get dehydrated. The fact that she is rejecting the bottle as well as the breast is not the best news.

I would very strongly encourage you to try to get a bf consultant, your baby must feed or she will become dehydrated, has she fed at all today?

[ruth1104]

hello, sorry im no expert (ftm to a 3 week old) but have you spoken to your midwife? they should be able to put you in touch with a breast feeding support person who can come to you. has your milk come in yet? at 4 days you could be engorged which can make it hard for them to get started (if your boobs feel hard) so it might be worth trying hand expressing to get things going. hth!

[Novia]

Hi, take a deep breath. It's really stressful when you've got this tiny creature and you need to feed them. They have to learn this too, and it's hard for you both. It's a bit rubbish that they didn't check baby was latching properly before you left hospital. It's hard to offer real advice remotely but if you're on your own Id recommend googling how to latch baby on, there are tons of videos/text online. Also - is there a local weigh-in centre? Often they have breast feeding drop-in centres. Or call the midwives (guessing you're not discharged to the health visitors yet?) Ask for an appointment tomorrow and don't take no for an answer. For now I'm afraid you probably just need to keep trying, there is a chance of a tongue-tie so that needs to be checked too. It's rubbish, but honestly, it will pass and you are doing brilliantly!

[Littlebabygrow]

Thanks all. She has fed today albeit it with hystericalness leading up to. She produces wet and dirty nappies. A mw saw us today but baby wasn't hysterical and managed to feed (only time not hysterical). She gave advice and just said to keep going.

How would I get a bf consultant?

I appreciate your support

[JustTryEverything]

Have you got a medicine syringe handy? Or anyone / anywhere that could get

[whitechocolatestars]

Has she been checked (and double checked) for tongue tie? That would be my first port of call. If it's found it is well worth paying a small fee to have the minor correction procedure done quickly and privately rather than enduring this on the nhs.

More immediately, something my midwife did in the first few days was help me to express and put milk / colostrum into a small plastic syringe (like ones that come with kids' medicines, not needle ones) and then syringe the milk / colostrum into my ds' mouth when he wasn't taking anything via bf. He was so starving it stopped him feeding. This soothed the hunger at least and then we were able to try again.

Watch some videos on you tube if you can, the nhs one I remember was ok, about technique and positioning.

Lastly, do you think she has experienced any colic and is associating feeding with pain? You can use colief from birth (I think, check the box) and infacol from 4 weeks.

Good luck, I would suggest expressing and syringing a little milk in for now just to try to calm the hunger pains. Use a teaspoon if you need to.

[JustTryEverything]

Posted too soon sorry. When me and my DS struggled days 3 - 10 ish, he too got hysterical as he was so starving so as well as hand expressing as pp have said in order to make it easier for him to latch, we used to syringe feed some expressed milk just to calm him down a bit before trying again. With the syringe, it's not really up to the baby if they take it or not so you can make sure she is getting at least enough to keep blood sugar up and dehydration risk lower. Also second advice about finding real life help.

Oh, and if you have a pump, I also used to do a couple of manual pumps before the feed just to pull my nipple out which also seemed to help him latch.

Congratulations on your baby and good luck.

[JustTryEverything]

X post!

[whitechocolatestars]

this is what we mean op

[Iwillorderthefood]

Hi yes yes to trying other means to feed, to calm baby down. Did you have an instrumental birth? Could your baby have a sore head?

If you have to back off and cup or bottle feed for a bit do not worry. The baby will not lose the ability to breastfeed.

Get real life help, call your midwife who will advise where you can go for help.

Just as a bench mark for you, I did not manage to feed DD1, it took 3 weeks to get DD2 feeding reliably, and I bottle fed expressed milk ip for the interim and 4weeks with DD3. If I had known not to worry about the time it took to get her feeding I think I wouldhave managed with my first too.

Congratulations and I hope you get it sorted out soon.

[Liara]

Try calling LLL

www.laleche.org.uk/node

or the ABM

abm.me.uk/

They should be able to put you in touch with some rl help.

[dannydyerismydad]

Only attempt this if there is someone with you, but try having a bath with baby. The soothing water can relax them, and the skin to skin and sound of your heartbeat will be calming.

Also the leaning back position can help baby to control the flow of the milk.

Back to basics, staying in bed and doing skin to skin are always calming in the early days.

[bumpiesonamission]

OP, has your milk come in? My lo started this when my milk came in as I think the speed scared him. Have you tried the rugby ball position? I found this helpful as I could control it a bit better, plus leaning back.

tiktok is a bf consultant and a life saver, try to find her!

It is early days but I guess you are already exhausted, overwhelmed and fighting off hauds of visitors!

Hope this helps but also call your midwife and ask to see their bf specialist. It is so worth it but bloody hard work!

[BertieBotts]

Try the leaning back position - it's called biological nurturing, if you google you can find videos/pictures whichever suits you best.

You can do it in the bath for extra calming points.

You defo need to see someone in real life. If you feel OK to give your location someone might be able to find out for you, understand if you don't want to do that though.

Try NCT again tomorrow, just keep calling until you get through.