to think my midwife doesn't know what she is talking about regarding breastfeeding?(30 Posts)
I had a midwife appointment today and I took 19 month old ds with me, he was fidgety so I breastfed him, the midwife wasqquite horrified and said;
- The toddler will steal the baby's milk
-The toddler will get too many calories
-Ds doesn't need breastmilk, I pointed out the WHO guidelines, she seemed unfamiliar with them.
-My breasts will get too big
She was amazed and didn't seem to believe me when I told her I already had colostrum.
I have some questions I'd like to ask about breastfeeding both the baby and toddler but she seems so limited in her knowledgei don't feel I can ask her.
Gah! Utter tosh. Find your local La Leche League. They're brilliant.
I have fed twins, so may be able to answer questions - feel free to pm me
Oh dear. What bollocks. Try LLL. Or on here.
Sounds like her knowledge is limited, but a friend of mine was training as a midwife and apparently only got 3 days on breastfeeding (a newborn) in her whole course, so very unlikely to know anything about feeding toddlers/tandem feeding.
Midwives and HV can be very hit and miss over here, I've had great advice and awful advice in equal measures.
Your in Sweden aren't you?
I thought they had a pretty high breastfeeding rate.
Nonsense. I'm planning to feed dd (currently 14 months) through my pregnancy and then tandem feed both DC's when #2 arrives (I'm 10 weeks pregnant). Have read up on tandem feeding on kellymom and LLL, also hoping to get hold of Adventures in Tandem feeding. No-where have I heard that tandem feeding is a problem (unless there is a specific medical problem, which it doesn't sound like you have).
Could you print off some info from one of these web pages for your midwife? I think there's a kellymom q&a fact sheet on tandem feeding.
I'm just <gah> emoticon at the lack of bfing information in general, everywhere, at the moment.
I was thinking of twins, toddler ds certainlyfeeds less than a newborn or ebf baby so surely I'll be making less milk than ( amazing!) twin mums.
Another midwife told me to stop when I was about 8 weeks pregnant as my pregnancy wouldn't progress normally if ds was feeding, I ignored her and I'm considering just not saying anything again.
I'm a member of a tandom feeding facebook group so I read lots of great advice on there I just feel like I'd like a little medical advice ( things like is it safe to feed if I have had a c-section and have painkillers but I guess if it's safe to feed a newborn it should be safe to feed a toddler)
Sweden has amazing breastfeeding rates, everyone seems to breastfeed but then everyone seems to stop at around 1, I never see other toddlers breastfeeding. The problem is that it's very very uncommon for people to deviate from the norm so when someone does something slightly different the medical professionals don't know what to say.
If you pop over to the breast/bottlefeeding topic, there are some enormously knowledgeable posters (Tiktok is one, but there are several others) who will be able to help out with any questions you have. YY to previous posters' recommendations of LLL - you can even call their UK/US HQs if you want to speak to someone in English. I understand your issue somewhat - I live in a very conformist mainland European country with some really weird ideas about BFing and have had some interesting conversations with HCPs here. I've found Dr Thomas Hale's site very good for checking drug interactions while BFing - www.infantrisk.com/ , while the Kellymom site kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/illness-surgery/med-risks/ also lists excerpts of his medications and mothers' milk book as a reference.
I agree that if it's safe to feed a newborn, it's safe to feed a toddler. There's some fab stuff on tandem feeding here: kellymom.com/nursingtwo/resources/tandem-faq.pdf that just says for the first few days, let the newborn nurse first so as to get first dibs on the colostrum, but after that, just go as normal. Good luck!!!
No YANBU. When my son was about 13 months I was 3 months pregnant again and my HV said "oh you'll have to stop breastfeeding him before the new baby comes", pretty much same reasons yours gave except she said the toddler wouldn't get enough calories! As it happens I was planning to stop shortly anyway (for other, more personal reasons) but I'm pretty sure her aghast attitude kept me stubbornly BFing for another month. She also said "oh you won't WANT to feed two" actually I sort-of did, was unhappy and conflicted about stopping and resented being told what I wanted.
YANBU. I breastfed throughout my second and third pregnancies. I live in France and the doctors were horrified, but couldn't tell me why, so the conversation went :
"How long did you breastfeed DC1 for?"
"Still going on."
"But... you can't... you have to stop immediately!"
"You can't... you can't breastfeed during your pregnancy!"
I just stopped mentioning it. I was ready to feed DC1 and DC2 at the same time, but in the end DC1 weaned himself 3 days after the birth.
DS was sitting on my lap when I had my booking in appt with my second pg, he was coming up to 2yrs. He slipped his hand into my cleavage and had a rummage.
The MW just smiled and asked if he was still bf (he was). She said something like, several of her mums had bf throughout pregnancy, and wasn't it nice for the toddlers to still have the comfort.
She was ace MW, delivered DS at home. Think she has recently retired
I was all geared up for mw to be horrified that I was still bf DC1 when pg with DC2, but all she said was "Oh great!" when I said I was still bf (he was another one who self-weaned as soon as I gave birth, though, so I never actually got to tandem feed in spite of having Adventures in Tandem Nursing virtually committed to memory.
That is a shame. The midwife at my booking in for ds asked me if I would tandem feed, she was keen on it, but dd2 had other ideas and self weaned at 20 months, two months before ds was born.
There really needs to be some uniform guidance on breastfeeding, so many midwives are ill informed.
I tandem fed my two eldest, and got surprise from the midwives, but also support and respect. None of them had encountered anyone bfeeding in pregnancy before (openly anyway). LLL have a great book which answered loads of questions called Adventures in Tandem Nursing.
i only have one observation, which is how will you manage when you have a newborn that will feed all the time -as they do!
whereas a toddler really only needs milks for breakfast/pre nap/milk
so do you risk that toddler wants to feed even more than usual which will stress you?
Do you have a regular MW or HV type of thing ikea? I had loads of different ones, I would end up telling the good ones what the bad ones said and they would just roll their eyes.
My favourite one was just obsessed with giving DS mince n onions all the time, so I used to just say he loved a bit of mince as I just can't be bothered with arguing.
My latest health visitor was brilliant though.
I do wonder if he will wean after the birth, I had lots and lots of milk when ds was little but only a bit of milk now so I think the huge amounts of milk will be either a happy supprise or he'll be cross and will stop feeding.
I'm a member of lll in Sweden, I just haven't been to a meeting for ages as ds is no longer at the sit on my knee stage he wants to run around which isn't so helpful in the meeting, I'll maybe put him in nursery for an extra day and go to a meeting alone to ask questions.
I have seen lots of different midwives and the only 2 who knew I breastfeed told me to stop, my HV has been the same since ds was born but she is not very pro-extended breastfeeding so i'm not sure she will be much help!
so do you risk that toddler wants to feed even more than usual which will stress you? I think I'll be happy is my toddler wants to feed more, he is quite a "busy" little chap so feeding 2 will probably be easier than feeding the newborn and trying to prevent ds from hurting himself!
I just don't understand how midwives don't have knoledge about things like tandom feeding, surely if you do something as a profession you read about the different things people do in pregnancy so even if it is only a tiny bit of the midwife education, you'd think they would have some knowledge or at least be honest and say that they don't know anything about bf in pregnancy but they will try to find out the answers to any questions for the next appointment.
I used to feed ds1 and ds2 at the same time. It really helped ds1 bond with his baby brother (he was only 22 months old at the time). He didn't find the huge amounts of milk overwhelming, but loved it
That's lovely to hear quiet Ds will also be 22 months when the new baby is born, I do hope that them sharing breastfeeding helps.
I remeber my little brother being born, I was 2.4 and I was really envious of him breastfeeding, I can't remember being breastfed but it I felt angry that my mum and the baby had something that only they did that took up so much time. I hope ds won't have those feelings.
She's in need of some training, to put it politely.
I've done the UNICEF breastfeeding lectures and tandem feeding was very briefly mentioned as part of it. To be honest, I can't remember much other than that tandem feeding is absolutely fine but it's not uncommon for toddlers to stop feeding during pregnancy or soon afterwards when the colostrum comes in as the taste of the milk changes and they don't like it. Of course, plenty won't be bothered and will carry on.
Your midwife probably hasn't done the UNICEF training by the sounds of it. Sadly, some HCPs are very out of date or have preconceived notions about things. I don't know what the breastfeeding rates in Sweden are like but I imagine it's not massively common to be breastfeeding a toddler. Tandem feeding is pretty unusual, at least in the UK, and I'm guessing by her reaction your midwife has just never come across it or been asked questions about it. That doesn't excuse the fact she should have offered to do some research and find things out for you but if tandem feeding is something she's never come across in her career or is unlikely to come across then it's probably not going to be something she remembers or has bothered to learn about.
I'd suggest you contact a lactation consultant, infant feeding midwife if your hospital has one or La Leche League.
Nancy just because everyone has so far agreed with the OP doesnt mean its in the wrong place.
People are well within their rights to say 'YABU its better to stop breastfeeding.'
A qualified midwife said all that to you? Jees. I am a trained nurse and know loads of midwives but that's incredible.
She sounds pig ignorant as a human being let alone a midwife.
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