Why is bf so fucking difficult?

(61 Posts)
stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 02:58:36

DD2 born Sun. Bf was a total disaster with DD1. I came home today. It's not going well again. Why? Why is this so fucking hard? It makes no sense to be so hard. FFS. I am so angry that I can't make this work. Why the fuck would we evolve this way?

Yes, midwife tomorrow. Bf helpline, etc. bf cafe on Fri. I just so pissed off.

GillyMac93 Thu 21-Aug-14 03:19:15

I can totally relate , ds is three weeks and iv been pretty grumpy about how difficult it is . If it makes you feel better after a week it got easier , it's just so bloody sore for something natural and you know you shouldn't but you end up feeling a bit crap if you struggle .

fatasbutter Thu 21-Aug-14 03:35:26

Completely sympathise - bf ds2 was agony but my exhaustion and stubbornness made me continue no matter what and after 4 weeks all was fine - looking back I don't know why I put myself through that!! I just was adamant that I had to do exactly the same for dc2 as dc1! BF was easy with ds1 tho... I totally agree that it should be easy if it's so natural - isn't it painful enough to have gone through labour?!!
Ds2 is now 6 months and demands to be fed in the night - bet he would probs sleep thru if I'd gone for the bottle to start with! angry

VashtaNerada Thu 21-Aug-14 03:35:47

Oh god, I remember! I had to abandon it with both DC in the end (diff reasons each time). Yes, try to get help but if it doesn't happen don't beat yourself up about it.

fatasbutter Thu 21-Aug-14 03:36:26

PS - good luck with it if you do continue: it WILL get better! But don't let anyone make you feel guilty if you change your mind!

AnythingNotEverything Thu 21-Aug-14 03:40:30

Ok ow this is little comfort, but soon it'll be really easy. All the work is front loaded with bf, but after this first bit it becomes quick, easy, and pain free. You even don't mind getting your boobs out in public after a while.

Massive congratulations on your new baby.

Outflewtheweb Thu 21-Aug-14 03:41:05

I hear you. We are five weeks in and have really struggled. It got less painful about a week ago but still I think it's stopped me being able to enjoy these early days. Bloody hormones don't help - I'd have cracked out the formula weeks ago if my brain was in charge.

Hope you get it sorted. As if newborn days weren't hard enough!

FastWindow Thu 21-Aug-14 03:58:42

Congratulations, as if you didn't know you just did an amazing thing :-) you need nipple shields. No one tells you about them but boots sell them and they are life savers. They allow you to bf without the baby sucking a blister from the nipple, and you can easily wean the baby off the shield in a few days, no matter what the NHS will have you believe.... Hth.

cookielove Thu 21-Aug-14 04:26:36

I have a five day old ds shock who I am struggling to actually get onto the boob, he was premature and is learning how to suck, I'm finding it so frustrating as he will take a bottle so willingly and also I'm not producing enough milk yet!!

stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 04:35:15

Thank you everyone thanks I just needed a rant. Just had 2 excellent latches that have cheered me up.

The biggest issue is my own comfort. I have both a bulging lumbar disc and SPD. Any position that suits one hurts the other. I've been in pain since 4 months pg and I'm getting to the limit of what I can cope with, I think. I will tell this to the midwife.

Tried the shields but she wouldn't latch. Really distressed. She loves the breast! Totally unlike DD1.

I've written everything down for MW. Roll on morning! More painkillers at 5am too grin

I found nipple shields a life saver x

stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 04:47:58

Me too with DD1. I found the Medela ones fab. DD1 was always happier with a shield. DD2 was just hysterical with them tonight though.

CustardFromATin Thu 21-Aug-14 04:51:31

I feel your pain. With ds1 I was in son much pain and with so little support that we stopped bfing in a matter of weeks. With dd I had much better support, and more friends who bfed and it still sucked for the first 4-6 weeks (worse pain than labour, for me!), but after that it was GREAT and so worth it and I ended up extended bfing - and then got ds2, who just knew what to do from day 1, which made me realise how some women just can't understand how hard establishing bfing can be.

Hope things work out, and if they don't, then you will both still be just fine. Congratulations on your new family member and good luck with the rest thanks

Singsongmama Thu 21-Aug-14 05:05:36

Hand to hold. Rant away. I remember the clenched fists and tears of frustration and sheer exhaustion. Knowing it gets easier is very little comfort at the time but you are doing great. Congratulations on your beautiful little one thanks

MoreBoober Thu 21-Aug-14 05:34:33

Totally agree I've had two very difficult breast feeding experiences. I have only managed to continue both times thanks to using shields. I used shields with my DS till he self weaned at 11 months and am currently using shields still with my DD who is 7 months.

petalsandstars Thu 21-Aug-14 05:48:44

The spd should lessen soon - mine was mostly gone after a week thanks

stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 07:13:31

No sleep yet, dear God...

beccajoh Thu 21-Aug-14 07:32:21

It's a bloody joke, it really is. I found that the pain stopped after a couple of weeks but the fucking relentlessness of it never ceased. I could never describe it as easy, ever. I was so tired all the time I hallucinated and really wasn't safe to drive. This wasn't days in, it was months down the line.

cookielove Thu 21-Aug-14 09:02:06

Omg my baby is actually 8 days not 5 blush

Greenstone Thu 21-Aug-14 09:53:09

First of all: Congratulations!

I'm so sorry it's being so frustrating for you again. I totally agree that it makes NO sense that breastfeeding should be so tricky and painful and all the rest of it - and coming after pregnancy and childbirth? IS NOT FAIR.
Did you manage to get any sleep yet?

Castlemilk Thu 21-Aug-14 10:09:53

It's hard because you both have to learn to do it.

I think that that is something that really isn't made as clear as it could be.

My first took AGES to sort. So painful.

Fuss fuss, latch latch, different positions, midwife clucking, try rugby ball.

Nothing sorted it but time and lots and lots and lots of skin to skin IN PEACE AND QUIET, ALONE! - with nobody fussing and distracting and hovering with their voices/strokes/perfume etc.

Of course lots of times there is an issue such as tongue tie, and it helps lots to get advice on latching and how to notice if things aren't as they should be.

But also, remember that it is ALWAYS going to be hard at the beginning. Rarely is it without difficulty and PAIN at first.

If your baby loves the breat, and if you know she is getting milk, you are 3/4 of the way there. Feed and feed, stay in bed, let her learn her technique with no distractions as much as possible. Let her get your supply going. Don't be afraid to prioritise feeding and sleeping as much as possible. If staying in bed all morning and feeding means that you can drop straight off for a nap as soon as she does, then stay in bed rather than get yourself out to a cafe. Arguably, she's actually going to feed less well in a noisy, bright environment - I'd really leave that until she's a bit bigger.

I am sure you will be ok. But it WILL be hard at first and that does not necessarily mean something is wrong or non-optimal.

stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 11:27:27

Thank you. I'm crying at your lovely posts. She fell asleep after 8am for about 2 hours. Bliss! Midwife has been and is happy. I've phoned the GP to get a telephone appt today regarding pain relief. I've phoned my LLL leader and left a msg.

I am crazy anxious about bf as with DD1 I contracted blood poisoning from infective mastitis and then had a serious allergic reaction to an antibiotic that meant I needed resus help in the hospital. This was 10 days post birth. Afterwards, I needed therapy for post natal anxiety.

YellowYoYoYam Thu 21-Aug-14 15:22:02

Oh gosh just read your last post and my heart goes out to you. Of course you're anxious due to what happened last time. There were issues (not as serious as yours) I had with DD that I thought I'd made peace with but when DS came along they reappeared. I'm still battling with feelings of anxiety now he is 6 months. It sounds like you're reaching out and getting help, which is great.

stargirl1701 Thu 21-Aug-14 21:36:42

LLL leader had good advice. Use breast compressions to help transfer of fatty milk so feeds take less time. That means I can unlatch and get up. That should help me stay on top of the pain from my pelvis and back. Also to offer the same side at next feed.

A plan. It always helps to have a plan!

gamerchick Thu 21-Aug-14 21:41:01

It is hard at first.. I remember all to well sobbing over this tin of formula 5 days in because it hurt so much. I have many sympathies.

Rub your milk in and let the air get to them as much as possible until they toughen up. They do, I promise.

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