help please I can't keep going

[fionnthedog]

My ds is 11 weeks and I'm still really struggling with breastfeeding and it's really getting me down. Ds had a tt which was cut at 6 weeks and following that I had mastitis so we really only got going at 8 weeks.

Since then we've had good days and bad days but it feels like more bad than good - he often screams after 10 mins at the boob, arches his back and won't relatch. Sometimes he'll calm down and relatch but sometimes we have to wait 20/30 mins and try again. I've wondered if it's reflux but it's not every feed. I've tried to keep a food diary but nothing obviously stands out.

Because ds's feeds are so unpredictable I've begun to stop going out as I don't want to he in public if he has one of his screamy feeds and it's all beginning to get me really down. People kept saying to me that things fall into place but I'm beginning to think that's never going to happen. Feeding is not enjoyable and I've started to think / dream about giving up and that saddens me aa I know that I'm wishing away ds's babyhood.

Please help.

[CluelessNewbie1]

If it is making you miserable why don't you express or formula feed?

[QuietNinjaTardis]

Sounds daft but does he need burping? I'm sure someone with something more helpful to add will be along soon .

[callamia]

You've coped with a lot so far. Have you had any help from a breastfeeding counsellor or similar? Do you take him to a breastfeeding cafe? I found these things really really helpful to improve everything when I didn't know what I was doing.

How is he doing for weight gain? Is he finished after ten mins? I know how stressful it feels - I spent a few weeks basically chasing ds around with my boob because he'd do the same thing. I'm not entirely sure what it was about, but it didn't last. I just had to wait out the fights bits and take advantage of the times when he seemed content and undistracted.

Have you thought about alternatives to breastfeeding? What do you think about those?

[Gracie17]

We had a hard start too and I know how much it hurts if bf is important to you and it is not working. Screaming on the boob is especially horrible as it feels like a personal rejection. Of course, it is not. Some of what you write sounds familiar to me. I was ultimately found to have an overactive letdown which was basically choking DD with a very fast flow of milk. We had very little useful help from HV etc, and in the end paid a lactation consultant who has helped me immensely. It's not perfect but so much better and I am glad I persisted. Without that I would have given up, but it is expensive I know.

[fionnthedog]

Thank you everyone.

Callamia - his weight gain is slow but ok . He's dropped from 25th to 9th centile which hv say is fine biy obviously adds to my stress. I saw a bf counsellor on the nhs who was v sweet but not much help (oh, I can see he's upset) and basically recommend relaxing more. Which would help if I could do it!!

Gracie17 - I've wondered about my let down as I do think he sometimes chokes a bit / finds it difficult to swallow all the milk easily. What did yoi do about this?

Thank you again everyone. It makes a difference knowibg people are able to be there for you even if you can't get out.

[FlossieTreadlight]

Lots of sympathy - it feels horrendous and gut-wrenching. You do have choices though - contact a lactation consultant... call La Leche League and ask for help ... consider introducing a bottle of expressed bm or formula to help you relax. There is also absolutely nothing wrong with going, 'you know what? This isn't for me' and switching to FF. You are letting no one down.

What I promise is that whatever you decide to do or option to take, this will get better. Take care and don't spend time beating yourself up x

[Gracie17]

Relaxing was my problem too. I now play music while she's feeding which seems to help a bit. With regard to the letdown, mine was linked to oversupply following a week of exclusive expressing while DD was in hospital. Advice was block feeding, check out the kelly mom site on this but basically you feed from one breast only for a set period of time and the other boob gets the message to downregulate as it remains full. But obviously you want to be sure that's what the problem is before doing something which is aimed at reducing supply. One other symptom was that milk would spray out when DD bobbed off the boob mid feed. If she splutters mid feed now and comes off I hand express off the letdown for a few secs into a muslin and then put her back on. I was told she will get better at dealing with it when she is bigger.