How to explain feeding on demand to inlaws

(9 Posts)
PretzelPrincess Fri 23-May-14 17:49:39

My in-laws and mil particularly don't understand feeding on demand. DS is 12 weeks and feeds every 3 hours, sometimes more. I'm happy with this and happy that he's content.
They on the other hand are convinced he's hungry and not getting enough milk and I'm depriving him in some way. Also keep trying to preassure me into adding formula.
Howwww can I explain this to them in a way that they will get??

callamia Fri 23-May-14 17:55:53

I explained nothing and just carried on. I may have made a comment that he was a hungry baby, and that I was fine with it. I just continued with what I was doing, and didn't see any need to enter into negotiation or discussion. A clear demonstration of 'this is what I'm doing, and that's that' seemed to suffice.

My baby is a right old chunk too, so it was pretty clear that he was being well fed.

tiktok Fri 23-May-14 17:59:15

It's none of their business. They are rude and insensitive to make any comment to you at all, including suggesting formula.

Your dh should tell them to stop it.

No need to explain anything to them, except basic manners, perhaps, which seem to have passed them by.

Doodleloomoo Fri 23-May-14 18:06:00

I wouldn't try too hard to explain. Presumably this has come up before and you've attempted to explain? If this is the case and they are still mentioning it, then it's because they disagree with your method (fine) and are willfully misunderstanding or ignoring your explaination so they can go on about it (not fine).

I'd say once more when it next arises that you are feeding on demand as the current guidelines suggest and as feels most natural to you as his mother, and that you are satisfied he is happy and nourished and that's all that matters. If they persist, I'd be blunter and tell them they are upsetting you with the implication you are not doing the best for your child, and to please stop mentioning as you alone make these decisions in his interest.... Then never explain yourself again after that. "I've made my decision"-repeat.

My hungry girl was bf on demand, and couldn't have been happier (out chubbier). X

Doodleloomoo Fri 23-May-14 18:10:08

I wouldn't try too hard to explain. Presumably this has come up before and you've attempted to explain? If this is the case and they are still mentioning it, then it's because they disagree with your method (fine) and are willfully misunderstanding or ignoring your explaination so they can go on about it (not fine).

I'd say once more when it next arises that you are feeding on demand as the current guidelines suggest and as feels most natural to you as his mother, and that you are satisfied he is happy and nourished and that's all that matters. If they persist, I'd be blunter and tell them they are upsetting you with the implication you are not doing the best for your child, and to please stop mentioning as you alone make these decisions in his interest.... Then never explain yourself again after that. "I've made my decision"-repeat.

My hungry girl was bf on demand, and couldn't have been happier (out chubbier). X

beatingwings Fri 23-May-14 18:12:52

I agree with the others- why do you need to explain? Just do it anyway and smile at their suggestions. My MIL suggested regualrly that I should give my newborns tinned carnation milk . I just nodded, smiled and ignored her.

Writerwannabe83 Fri 23-May-14 20:17:59

Explaining anything is futile.

Just smile and ignore!!

zipzap Fri 23-May-14 21:08:53

Try taking a completely different tack.

Talk to MIL about how she found out information about what to do with her babies when they were born - feeding, sleeping, nappies, baths, etc etc - everything.

Hopefully she will love having the chance to show off everything she did and remembers... Then - you can attack get to work and convert her grin

Depends slightly on what she says but hopefully she will say that she found out up to date information, wanted the best for her children and so on. In which case you can show that you are doing all the same things she did - finding out what are the best practices currently. Try to be nice about it - make a joke about how things move on all the time, that things change even between having dc1 and dc2 (assuming no twins!) and apply passive aggressive pressure isn't it nice that you both have the same way of doing things (ie the finding out best things to do) and it's so nice that she wants the best for her grandchild and isn't stuck in the past.

On the other hand, if she did what her MIL says hmm point out that research moves on - best example is fall in cot deaths just by changing advice to put babies to sleep on their side - and then a further fall by changing advice to put babies to sleep on their backs, and that by trying to make you do what she did - which is actually what dh's grandmother did, she is asking you to ignore the wealth of research from the last 40/50/60/etc years and if she doesn't love her grandchild enough to want the best and most up to date information to be used to inform you in looking after her grandchild, then she is not really fit to be a grandmother, because what sort of granny doesn't want the best for their child but is happy for them to be brought up according to old outdated thoughts that are known to carry much higher risks to the child's health and indeed life...

And so on -take what she said and twist it round so that either you are doing the same thing she did (even if what you are actually doing is completely different) because you want the best for your child. Or tell her that if she doesn't want the best for your child then she obviously isn't a very good granny, or some combination of the two approaches depending on what she did and you've got a chance of getting to her.

If it doesn't work, find out who she doesn't like and point out how her approach is just like the way that [person not liked] goes about things, that you never had her pegged as being the same but you can see that she is...

good luck!

roundtable Fri 23-May-14 21:13:30

Time their eating and drinking habits. If they fall under 4 hours before they want to eat or drink something, point it out! grin

It may be passive aggressive but it's effective speaking from bitter experience.

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