In a dilemma about when to stop breast feeding (extended bf)

(24 Posts)
JaffaSnaffle Mon 28-Apr-14 20:06:35

My DD2 is 18m, and this was meant to be 'the milestone' when I stopped breast feeding. I fed DD1 until 15m and stopped because I was ttc. I think in my head I'm trying to treat them roughly equally, but I don't think I'll have any more babies, so once it stops, I'll never bf again. How did you know when you were ready to stop?

FatalCabbage Mon 28-Apr-14 20:11:29

Both times I was pg with the next and developed nursing aversion. Was hugely glad when they happily weaned by the "Don't offer, don't refuse" method.

But like you I'm bf my last baby, with no real idea of when I'll stop. Cross that bridge when we get to it? Don't forget there are still benefits for years to come, so there's no rush.

gamerchick Mon 28-Apr-14 20:15:37

I stopped when my youngest was 3 1/2, you just know when you're ready and there's no rush to stop. You can try the don't offer, don't refuse method but tbh I found breastfeeding really helped with the terrible twos.. it's your call, your child, your boobs.

In my case I went on holiday for a week and just didn't start up again when I got back.

monopod Wed 30-Apr-14 12:45:43

In a similar situation here. With my first, I nursed until just after 2y and having gradually reduced feeds to once a day at bedtime, decided to stop offering as he wasn't that interested, and that was that as he didn't ask anymore. Got mastitis afterward though...

I'd planned to feed 18mo DD until at least 2y to match her brother, but I can see her going and going and going. She is a boob monster and when she was ill recently I really wanted my body back to myself by Day 3! It helps that I can reason with her now, though, and I find distraction helpful when she just wants comfort and the boob is her automatic comfort blanket.

I think as gamerchick says there probably comes a point when you know it's time to stop. You've done a great thing for your DD already having fed to 18mo smile Me, I think I'm going to go with when she decides to stop. And if I need to call time on it before that, I'll cross that bridge when we come to it! For now, on the whole, I'm still enjoying our little moments together...

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 25-Sep-14 19:46:41

what is the dont offer dont refuse thing? dc3 is REALLY not ready to stop. I think I am. need advice pls.

MollyBdenum Thu 25-Sep-14 19:52:40

I waited until my children stopped of their own accord.

wantacatplease Thu 25-Sep-14 20:00:23

My DD (last baby! Sob!) is also 18 months and still letting her feed pretty much when she wants, but just very recently I've started getting the "I want my body back" feelings...but strangely it seems to be coinciding with her pulling off more and more, and a few bedtimes this last week she just rolled over and fell asleep without having any. So I think this is the beginning of the end for us.

museumum Thu 25-Sep-14 20:02:49

My ds is only 13mo but I already do don't offer don't refuse.
Right now we are feeding about 5 mornings out of 7 and no other time.

I've been ready to stop for years, but my dc have had other ideas!
Dd stopped on her 4th birthday, pre-agreed as I was feeding both her and her brother and expecting no 3.
Ds1 stopped when he was a couple of months over 4, pretty much of his own accord.
Ds2 is 4 and nearly 3 months, and still feeds at bedtimes.

Cies Thu 25-Sep-14 20:12:11

With ds I actively weaned him at 26 mo to ttc. I was feeling a bit overtouched by then anyway, so would probably have reduced to just bedtime or something like that then if I hadn't wanted to ttc.

Dd is fast approaching 2, and has about 5 feeds a day (recently nightweaned). So far that is ok by me, but I expect I'll start to feel enough is enough with in the next year.
I totally get what you say about trying to treat them equally, but they are different, and your circumstances are different too.

AwesomeSuperTasty Thu 25-Sep-14 20:30:39

I hope I won't high jack the thread but this seems a good place to ask this -

How do your DC 'ask' or signal for a bf?

I'm just asking because I haven't noticed that my DS (now 9 months) really ever displayed any specific 'I want milk' signs since he was around four months old.

But I am wondering if I am misreading some signs? ATM I offer three feeds a day (plus at night) as I am trying to stop bf and he seems perfectly happy. But, I've read all the Kellymom stuff on weaning (and how you shouldn't try to stop before 18 months or risk a fussy, unhappy baby...) and now I am wondering if I am just not seeing the 'I want boob' signs?

Ohhelpohnoitsa Thu 25-Sep-14 20:44:36

maybe your dc is just content with how thing are. maybe try dropping a feed and see if he signals more actively. my dc 2.6 plsys merry hell if I try to stop...we only feed at night now.

AwesomeSuperTasty Thu 25-Sep-14 21:20:25

Yes, that's what I thought, Ohhelp.

This is a really interesting thread. I've always wondered how and when everyone else chooses to stop bf.

Cies Thu 25-Sep-14 21:25:29

At 9 mo my children would have been sticking hands down tops, pulling at shirts, lying back in cradle position, quickly escalating to crying if a bf wasn't forthcoming grin

However, each child is different, and yours may just be happy with the status quo.

ElephantsNeverForgive Thu 25-Sep-14 21:31:32

DD2 fed for long enough she could have written me an email asking to BF.

In fact she didn't ask she snuggled, lifted jumpers and pushed bras out the way just as she did as a toddler.

It's just she only did it at bed time and weekend mornings.

It's
Funny cos dd doesn't seem to actively ask either. I feed her before naps, at bedtime and in the night so she doesn't need to really. I know
If she does want a feed as she tends to head butt me or hit my boobs. I don't feed her if we are out and about anymore as she's too distractable and she doesn't ask. I would feed her if she wanted.

ElephantsNeverForgive Thu 25-Sep-14 22:02:30

I think however old they are they still like to revert to pre-verbal baby mode when feeding.

DD2 didn't say anything, except to moan about underwired bras and dresses.

SESthebrave Thu 25-Sep-14 22:52:58

Another here having a similar debate (hence how I found this thread!)

I am BFing DC2 who is 2.3yo. She only feeds mornings and bedtimes but it's starting to feel like that will continue for ever! No one I know in RL has BF this long so I feel a bit abnormal if I'm honest.

BustyCraphopper Thu 25-Sep-14 23:00:22

I've been doing "don't offer don't refuse" for a year now with dd1 (3.4)! Nightweaned her 8 months ago, and really ready for her to stop, but she asks more than dd2(11 months). Dd2 is really not bothered - prefers her thumb sad

violetwellies Thu 25-Sep-14 23:01:15

DS is 3.4 I'm waiting for him to stop, it's a bloody long wait. He was day weaned at one as I temporarily went back to work. That was easy

Ohhelpohnoitsa Fri 26-Sep-14 18:45:05

busty how did you night wean? thats my frustrating time. if I encourage him to have a cuddle instead he screams the house down, gets out of bed ands that's it...wide awake whether 2am 4am or 6am.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Fri 26-Sep-14 18:45:55

we go on holiday soon. would.it be mean to tell him its illegal to bf in said l9cation grin grin grin

BustyCraphopper Fri 26-Sep-14 19:01:32

Well with night weaning I used the Dr Jay Gordon method. But it only worked the 3rd time I tried it at age 2.5 - I think she had to be ready.

Basically I would feed to sleep as usual, then next wake up I would shush cuddle until she insisted on milk - would then give a little milk but unlatch her before she fell asleep. Did this between 9pm and 12. For about 5 days.

Then I started refusing all milk between these times and doing the half hearted refusal bit for between midnight and 5am.

I was very careful to say she could have milk in the morning.

Then after a week we talked about no milk at night and then I would refuse between bedtime and 5 am, saying not until morning.

Then I gradually pushed back that 5am until 7am where it is now.

I'm currently trying to jump out if bed before her so that morning milk comes after breakfast smile

BustyCraphopper Fri 26-Sep-14 19:37:07

Oh and dd1 would tap my chest when she wanted milk - until she could say mummy milk. I'm now trying to get her to say "mummy milk please" grin

Dd2 doesn't really have a sign. Just gets increasingly grumpy and clingy until I think to offer, and even then sometimes she doesn't realise it's what she needs until I've offered a few times. Very frustrating to have to be waving a bare boob in the face on an 11 month old when out and about - and certainly not the discreet feeding that everyone wants! shock

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