Could I have some smart answers for the critiam I am getting for breastfeeding please.

(31 Posts)
InspirationFailed Fri 11-Apr-14 09:05:07

DS4 is 14 months now and I am still happily breastfeeding him. No one really cares or comments except ex and his family. I generally just humour ex by smiling and nodding but I am sick of justifying myself to his mother family.

I have two children with ex and he wants to take them abroad with his family, as they are very young I am going too oh joy and the thought of a weeks worth of 'discussions' about breast feeding is making me stressed - I've never even fed DS in front of them, I have to take him upstairs when they are seeing the children.

I get tutted at when I say I am going upstairs to feed him and lectured when I get back, comments include:

Why is that child still on the tit (tit ffs!)? He's got teeth, he doesn't need it, it's not right and I am only doing it because I need to feed him, I must be getting 'some sort of pleasure out of it' (implying sexual pleasure), I'm making him clinging, look at the size of him he doesn't need milk anymore, it's the reason he won't sleep through, I'm only doing it to keep them away from him, I shouldn't feed him in public as men might fantasise about it.... You get the gist.

I answer by saying that the WHO recommends feeding until two (which they say is rubbish) and that of course he still needs milk (again rubbish) and I try and point out the benefits of breast milk (so why does he seem to always have a cold then?) but I get talked over and talked down.

Their main arguement is that I should get of that mumsweb or whatever that fills my head with nonsense shock

LittleBearPad Fri 11-Apr-14 09:07:50

Just ignore them. I know it's massively irritating and frankly bloody rude but they aren't going to listen to anything you say, facts you give or explanations you make.

Grit your teeth and carry on as you want to.

I hope it is less bad than you expect.

Pagwatch Fri 11-Apr-14 09:08:33

Don't think of smart answers. They are too stupid to engage with.

Just roll your eyes back and say 'oh don't be stupid' or 'you know it's none of your business don't you ' 'god, this again? Are you not starting to bore yourselves?'

TarkaTheOtter Fri 11-Apr-14 09:09:34

"Fuck off" grin

Don't bother, you've tried explaining to them. If they won't accept the WHO recommendation you won't be able to persuade them it's beneficial so you just need to get them to shut up.

gamerchick Fri 11-Apr-14 09:15:13

Isn't the WHO thing a minimum of 2?

'I find it really amusing that so many people think of my boobs so often.. I can't decide whether it's creepy or not' or something like that. Or ruder ' I can't believe you still have a double chin.. don't you think it's high time you got rid of it?' Or something.. you get the gist.

gamerchick Fri 11-Apr-14 09:21:08

With the getting sexual feelings comments.. treat it as a hostile act. Go toatlly cold.. eyeball them and ask them what they're insinuating.

I mean ffs what's sexual about a glorified nipple tassle hanging off you. Breastfeeding acrobatics are not fun.

Nocomet Fri 11-Apr-14 09:22:58

I think this is one of those occasions when
"Mind your own fucking business" will suffice.

InspirationFailed Fri 11-Apr-14 09:26:19

They make me feel so stupid and thick. I'm normally very confident, I bf in public without a worry so I don't know why it gets to me as much as it does. I always plan to say 'my body, my baby, my business' it something like that but it never comes out of my mouth. They think they are so smart just because they happen to work for an nhs trust and that I'm being difficult.

I had similar comments when I was feeding DS3 (I stopped at 12 months) and they were forever trying to give him formula when he was little and telling me my milk wasn't good enough etc. I was still with ex then so saw more of them. It's just the constant chippin away at me about it that gets me down. His aunt is very interested in breastfeeding and likes to 'help' when I'm feeding him she even tried to hold my boob for me once it twice but at least she doesn't make comments and I don't have to hide to feed him at her house.

Even his nan is as bad cause she's had 9 children so is obviously an expert and I won't even get into how much they go on about me co sleeping combined with breastfeeding it makes me some sort of sexual deviant or something

I don't know how I am going to survive a whole week of them mainlining vodka with it.

HomeHelpMeGawd Fri 11-Apr-14 09:27:23

"I am going to do this. You are not going to make me change my mind. Stop talking about it."

UriGeller Fri 11-Apr-14 09:31:22

I think you should tell them up front that your baby is still nursing and inform them that they need to keep any opinions they might have about it to themselves. You're not interested in hearing it.

NoSquirrels Fri 11-Apr-14 09:31:37

First time: "As I've explained before, WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2. I don't wish to discuss this any more." Smile sweetly.

Next time: "As I said, I don't wish to discuss it."

Any subsequent times: ignore, ignore, ignore. Pretend they're not talking to you. If necessary, stare blankly and say when challenged "oh sorry, I wasn't listening."

wishinwaitinhopin Fri 11-Apr-14 09:49:30

I feel so bad for you. I stopped breast feeding very early and got similar criticism for what I did. Seems we can't win. I've no advice really other than just to keep your head high and know that you're an amazing mum.

CountessOfRule Fri 11-Apr-14 10:01:40

"Do fuck off" is probably off the table?

"He wouldn't do it if he didn't want to," answers the selfishness questions. "It didn't do DC1-3 any harm" is clever because they can only attempt to refute it by criticising the children...

ForTheLoveOfSocks Fri 11-Apr-14 10:13:12

Here is what I said to DH last night. He thought I would stop bf around 6 months. I told him I have no idea when and that cited the WHO guidelines too;

Me: well DD1 had a nighttime bottle until she was over two. You didn't want to force her off that. Isn't a bottle a boob replacement?

DH: oh yeah. Never thought of it that way.

DD1 was ff, DD2 is bf with one bottle of ff a day.

Maybe put it to them like that? Or save up for emergency tickets home in case they piss you off that much. Maybe that will they will get the message

Gimmesomemore Fri 11-Apr-14 10:25:38

Buy a box of condoms for said holiday, when they start whinging, hand over condoms to place over their heads and tell them if their going to act like cocks they might as well dress like them.

Or tell them to shut their silly fucking mouths or you'll get the poly filler out.

gilliangoof Fri 11-Apr-14 10:45:51

I get this from my in laws too. My baby is only 8 months. It makes me mad but I say nothing.

SaggyAndLucy Fri 11-Apr-14 10:46:52

mind your own fucking business or we will be going home!

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos Fri 11-Apr-14 11:02:05

Get a hold of some bf leaflets with the who advice on it, maybe? Then you don't have to think of anything to say, just hand them one if they start.

Fwiw, when ds was a baby we were at mils house having dinner with friends and ds wouldn't settle upstairs. Friends had a baby 1 mth older than ds who.slept through the whole thing. mil kept making comments about the benefits of ff, as obviously my still bf ds was the reason he wouldn't sleep not because of the noise and he didn't like being left out of the fun. It was horrible to feel judged like that but kept bf and enforced sleep training when we got home to prove her wrong. Stick to your guns and remember it is up to you to decide what's best for your baby, not them!

Nocomet Fri 11-Apr-14 11:02:25

Right here's what you do you tell your ex that one word on the subject of BFing from him or his family and you will be on the first flight home - and mean it!

Shallishanti Fri 11-Apr-14 11:05:39

yeah, I would print out a highly technical paper from WHO and just hand it to them- say 'here's scientific evidence, if you want to read that FIRST then tell me where you think they've made a mistake?...'

BertieBotts Fri 11-Apr-14 11:12:25

I think you are very brave to go and spend a week with them!!

I think you also have to just say, look, I know you don't agree with my breastfeeding but he is my child and it's my choice. If you keep harassing me about it I will have to go home.

Possibly would have been better for ex to take DC for a weekend, or for the relatives to come to the UK to see them.

Are you staying with them or in a hotel? Can you just pretend you've stopped?? Pack lots of tight polo necks and dresses! You might melt but it could be worth it grin

Flibbedyjibbet Fri 11-Apr-14 11:14:53

Is your older child fit, healthy, secure and confident?

Yes?

There's your argument for extended breastfeeding then!

My youngest us now 17 months and still bf, she doesn't drink any other milk by choice (hers). She is poorly frequently with ear infections and I console myself that she could be much worse without it. She has just had a terrible tummy bug and I was so happy that she could get comfort from me and was able to get some antibodies and nutrients from my milk even though she spewed most of it back up

I really feel for you because it is such an emotive issue and you can be made to feel like it's you clinging on to the feeding rather than the child but arm yourself with as much research as possible to quote back at them. Good luck.

TheScience Fri 11-Apr-14 14:31:48

I'd enthusiastically agree with everything they say.
You must be getting some pleasure out of it? Oh yes I love it
You're making him clingy They grow up so fast, I'm making the most of the cuddles
Look at the size of him, all those teeth! Isn't breastmilk amazing, the children have grown so healthy on it
Men might fantasise about it! Oh I know, so many perverts out there obsessed with breastfeeding

Midori1999 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:53:56

I would definitely opt for 'oh do fuck off' and I wouldn't even consider the holiday.

atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 11-Apr-14 15:10:13

A holiday with your ex and ex inlaws!! Braver than me.

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