If I don't get a decent night's sleep soon I might actually expire

(21 Posts)
Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 08:31:17

DD is 9 months and BF alongside solids. She's a 91st centile baby and apart from eczema and a tendency to get a bit constipated, is fit and well.

But she's a rubbish sleeper. She's still in with us as moving her into her own room coincided with her going from waking once a night, to waking 2, maybe three times.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 08:37:33

Oops. Continued....

I feed her every time she wakes, as we've always fed on demand, but she's not dropping any of her night feeds. She protests heartily about being put back into her cot awake after feeds, so I admit that I've fallen back into the habit of trying to put her down asleep, even though only a few weeks ago we'd got her down to one waking only with using the Pantley pull-off to get her asleep at the start of the night from awake, rather than feeding to sleep.

Should I start refusing feeds at night? Would it help?

I go back to work in a few weeks, I'm so sleep deprived that I don't know how I'll function sad.

FunnyBird Sun 09-Mar-14 08:58:47

It's a killer, isn't it?
I didn't stop offering night feeds until after 12 months, and ds was waking every 90 minutes by then. I think you can try stretching the gap, so offer water if it's less than 3 hours since they last fed.
It gets better. Hang in there.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 09-Mar-14 09:45:32

Although it can be tough to establish, what helped with both ours was getting them to fall asleep in the cot at the beginning of the night - we used gradual retreat method for this. I find that they then wake less often and that if put down asleep during the night having conked out while bfing they stay asleep much better than if put down asleep at the beginning of the night too.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 13:09:46

That's what we found, too Mrs, I guess I have to be stricter about it if she falls asleep during her bedtime feed. It just goes against the grain so hard, last night I really paid for it though. DH helps, but she doesn't settle very well for him and I tend to step in once she's hysterical.

I'm a bit worried that she's dropped lots of daytime feeds quite quickly. I keep reminding myself that DS did this and we carried on feeding for ages longer, but I really don't want her to self-wean once she's at nursery. Aaargh, that's probably not rational either, is it?

I'm a bit emotional about it all today sad

I'm wondering if moving her back to her own room would make things worse?

CareerGirl01 Sun 09-Mar-14 15:31:06

Ah theseboots us too- dd2 is 10 months but we are putting her in a cot now - she may stay an hour if we are lucky.

YorkshireTeaGold Sun 09-Mar-14 20:42:30

Hi boots, dd1 was like this... I nightweaned her at 8 months. Just stopped feeding her, went in for cuddles etc to settle but no boob. Didn't use a technique, just did what seemed best.

I was exhausted and hv said she really didn't need the milk at that age. She cried on and off for 3 hours but after that slept through which was like a miracle. She was just using the boob to get back to sleep.

Dd2 is 5 months and exactly the bloody same! Countingdown the days til 7 months when hopefully she's having a decent amount of solids and I'll do it again

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 20:50:51

I really do have to sort out the feeding/ sleeping link, don't I? DS just kind of dropped the link between the two on his own, really didn't think I'd have to do anything this time either.

I've got a few weeks left before work, so I guess I do have some time to try get us some more settled nights. She must be tired too, surely?

Tonight I settled her from fully awake in her cot while sitting next to her, let's see how tonight goes.

Thanks all, helps to know I'm not alone with a night-feeding older baby. If you listened to my MIL, I have the only one in the world....

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 20:58:59

D'you know, I'd happily do night feeds forever if she'd just settle herself to sleep afterwards, quickly and quietly. sad I've fed both on demand right from the start and refusing her just feels so wrong. It doesn't help that I'm feeling so guilty at going back to work a few weeks before I have to, but the money's running out so that's that, really. DS was a month older and had dropped his daytime feeds, she hasn't yet (though I think she's on the way as she's feeding a bit less often, and feeds are quite short now).

I hope she's more settled tonight.

YorkshireTeaGold Sun 09-Mar-14 21:05:45

Often they're just waking out of habit though, they're not demanding to be fed in itself. They then need to be fed before they can settle and it's a vicious circle.

You've done an amazing job to get to 9 months, don't feel guilty that you're knackered! It all gets a bit emotional when you go back to work I know xxx

Laquila Sun 09-Mar-14 21:06:25

Boots I'm in a similar situation and could have written some of your posts! My 6 month old wakes at least 4-6 times in the couple of hours after we put him down (asleep...) and normally feeds 3 times overnight. I can count on one hand the number of times he's ever managed to self-settle and like you, I can't imagine refusing to feed him sad

I'd give anything for 5 hours unbroken sleep! Anything except leaving him to scream, that is...I don't have a magic solution but just wanted to empathise!

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 21:09:56

It does <sob>. Thank you for understanding flowers

It is a vicious circle, that's it exactly, isn't it?

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 21:13:31

Yes, me too - more than 3 hours in a row would do! I'm actually not massively concerned about getting her to sleep through as such, as long as I do actually get enough sleep.

Apart from anything else I can't eat this many custard creams forever, and I have zero willpower when shattered....

YorkshireTeaGold Sun 09-Mar-14 21:15:36

laquila, you don't need to leave them to scream, just settle without feeding. Cuddle, pat, whatever... I'm no fan of cc but if you're confident they're not hungry at 7-8 months do whatever but don't feed them.

With dd1 I was close to collapse and on verge of depression, after a few good night's sleep I was fine. Am heading the same way with dd2 but at 5 months she may still be hungry.

Anyway, good luck all and fingers crossed for more sleep tonight x

YorkshireTeaGold Sun 09-Mar-14 21:17:39

boots I know, it's hideous when you need biscuit s for the energy... I'm fatter (minus baby) then I was when pg! Can't wait to get back in the gym

JustLetMeSleep Sun 09-Mar-14 21:37:36

Boots are you me? DD2 is 10 months old now, up every three hours through the night. I also feel like I'm just on the verge of losing it. I've weaned her in the day to prepare for going back to work, but she's not keen on formula so doesn't drink a lot. This evening I gave her formula after bath and she settled in her cot, am just waiting now to see if she will wake up for her late evening feed (and then 1, and then 4... argh!). I feel quite sad at having to forcibly wean her like this, and I think if she were sleeping better I'd be happier to carry on, but I just need some distance now. DD1 gave up herself at 10 months, she preferred a bottle by then. sad

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 22:34:44

I've got a feeling that once she's at nursery, she'll wait for me rather than take formula (or at least that's what she does on the rare occasions I've left her with DH for a couple of hours). Just hoping like hell that won't mean more night feeds!

She's feeding now, I'm going to wake her up fully before I put her back in her cot so she gets the idea of not feeding to sleep. Wish me luck....

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 22:36:15

Yes Yorkshire, no rapid weight loss here either!

curlyclaz13 Sun 09-Mar-14 22:45:33

Same here apart from I went back to work ft last week. Not sure what to do as he isn't taking much milk during the day and seems to be catching up at night. Its early days yet with regards to settling at nursery so hopefully he will have milk soon. Friday I think I got about 3 hourssleep then had work Saturday. I know realistically he probably doesn't need a feed but it gets him back to sleep quietly and quickly usually and if I try anything else he gets upset and then I end up feeding and it takes far longer.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Sun 09-Mar-14 22:53:52

Oh god, that's what really worries me curly, that the night feeds will increase.

Bless him, DH stepped in last night to help as I'd got so down about it (usually I leave him to sleep and in return he gets up with our early-rising 5 yo and gives DD breakfast while I catch up on a couple of hours sleep on the weekend mornings) but DD just wasn't having any of it. I ended up feeding her from 3am to 4.30am before she'd settle, and even then it was in our bed, not her cot.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Mon 10-Mar-14 10:06:38

Ok, so last night she woke to feed at 1am then 4am, but at least did go back down quickly, from awake the second time. Actually not a bad night (thankfully). Am going to spend this week concentrating on getting her down from awake and see where that takes us.

I have just eaten 4 slices of toast, butter and jam. Oops. I don't even crave this stuff when I'm not tired!

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