feel like giving up breastfeeding

(41 Posts)

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bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 06-Mar-14 13:32:54

Dd2 is 13 weeks old and i feel like i am losing an uphill battle with the feeding. It is really upsetting me as it seemed to be going really well but at her 8 week check she had dropped from over the 50th to between the 2nd and 9th percentiles. She has had four colds already, each lasting a fortnight, and when she cant breathe she wont latch. After i knew she had lost weight i started trying to feed more often but she screams if i try to feed her when shes upset, and i am just getting more and more wound up. I feel like i am force feeding and starving her at the same time. Before i would assume if she wouldn't take the breast she wasn't hungry but now i cant assume that, and she often will take a bottle, and with every bottle she has she fights the boob more. I'm on ADs from pnd and anxiety with dd1 and at first i felt like i wad doing much better not getting worked up this time, but now i am getting into a state and fantasising about formula as then id know for sure if she was hungry or not! Ugh,i felt like this with dd1 and really felt like it was easier this time but here we are again

Feminine Thu 06-Mar-14 13:35:56

I'd move to bottles in your case.

Luckily your daughter seems to like it. smile

Go to boots and buy some, sometimes it is just comforting to see your choice available.

There is nothing wrong with moving from the breast. In your case, I think you'd be much happier! smile good luck.

kernowal Thu 06-Mar-14 13:39:20

Nobody is going to die as a result of your decision and a happier mum = happier baby. Good luck.

treas Thu 06-Mar-14 13:45:39

Do what is best for you and baby.

I ended up with shingles due to the stress of breast feeding and so was forced to give up - but it was the best thing for me and my ds.

My mum bless her told me after I had given up a few months how ill I had been looking due to stress no way would she have interfered with a new mum's feeding choices

Nanny0gg Thu 06-Mar-14 13:48:36

Cut yourself some slack!

She's been breastfed for 4 months so you know which would actually be best for both of you.

Speaking as someone who did both - there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding.

If you're both happy to switch to bottles then go ahead. She'll be fine and hopefully you'll be able to relax.

Go for it!

Topseyt Thu 06-Mar-14 13:52:22

There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding if that would work better for you.

You have to do what is best for you and your baby, never mind what anyone else thinks. If your baby is better fed and happier on formula then you will be happier and more relaxed too.

I bottle-fed all of mine, and they are all still around. My only regret about breastfeeding was that I ever agreed to give it a try when I had my first child. She was constantly hungry, never got enough, and my supply totally dried up after about 4 days anyway, when I got gastro-enteritis.

That is just my experience, and not meant to judge people who do successfully breastfeed, by the way.

gilliangoof Thu 06-Mar-14 13:52:44

I would move to bottles if I were you. It sounds like they suit you and your daughter more than bfing. Go with what works.

Valdeeves Thu 06-Mar-14 13:54:09

I did both too - it's fine! You are doing your best and you need to look after yourself as well xxxx

Finola1step Thu 06-Mar-14 13:56:42

I started introducing formula to both of mine at about the same age as your dd. With my first, I got into such a state that I really thought I might be losing my mind. My DH very gently asked me if he should go to Boots. I said yes and felt a strange sense of relief mixed with guilt. A couple of hours later ds had his first formula bottle. He then slept for four hours straight. The most he had slept in any one stretch - he was 14 weeks old. I knew we had made the right decision.

With dd, I was much more relaxed.

Ds is now vv nearly 6 and dd is 3. Both in rude health. Both very happy children.

RiverTam Thu 06-Mar-14 13:59:29

you've bfed for 13 weeks - that's wonderful, what a great start for your baby. It sounds very sensible to move on to bottles now - best for the both of you. And I say that as someone who bfed for 12 months, but I didn't have any problems like this. No-one likes to see their baby going 'backwards' in terms of weight and if she's happy with a bottle and fighting the boob - well, it would almost be silly not to!

Finola1step Thu 06-Mar-14 14:01:18

Oh and I remember being so worried about what other mums would think. We lived in a trendy area of London, all very right on and seriously pro breast feeding. I felt terrible the first time I gave ds formula in front of my NCT group.

It then slowly dawned on me that they were all at it. Mixed feeding at home and breast feeding out in public. I was the first one to fess up in public. Ridiculous really, looking back.

picnicbasketcase Thu 06-Mar-14 14:08:46

It's not wrong to feel whatever you feel,they're your feelings. If you think you and your baby would be happier and better off switching to bottles, don't let anyone tell you you're wrong.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Thu 06-Mar-14 14:10:32

It sounds as though your daughter finds a bottle easier to use than breast feeding. If offering the breast is upsetting her then I think swapping to bottles is the right move for you both.
It doesn't necessarily mean no more breast milk, you could try expressing and alternating that with formula, but if that does suit you then formula is a good option.
Don't worry about what other people think. I BF both mine, but couldn't give two hoots how anyone else fed theirs. As long as baby is being fed and is happy that is what matters. You gave your baby a great start, and now you are doing the right thing by your daughter by giving her what she needs in the way she finds easiest.

winterhat Thu 06-Mar-14 14:22:57

YANBU

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 06-Mar-14 14:32:04

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Why not express and bottle feed the expressed milk? Best of both worlds.

bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 06-Mar-14 14:34:15

Thanks people. I just had heron the boob for around an hour, but wasn't really feeding, after which i gave her to my mum and she started screaming, and chugged down 175ml of expressed milk in a bottle before screaming it had gone! Think my supply is falling as it took three sessions to express that much!

Mmmbacon Thu 06-Mar-14 14:38:58

Yanbu, but please take some advice and if you decide to switch to bottles, take it very slowly, dropping 1 feed every 3 to 4 days, don't drop 2 feeds alongside each other, leaving morning and evening feeds to last as they are typically when you will be fullest, if you feel and sore points in your boobs, feed some more to drain blockage, use hot compress, hour showers to get milk flowing,

If you want to continue mixed feeding at any point, do just that, I had to start weening dd at 6 wks, but kept feeding her myself for am and evening until 9 months, their is no hard and fast rule, only what works for mum and baby,

Wibblypiglikesbananas Thu 06-Mar-14 18:31:45

Have you tried a different pump? Could help?

bumbleymummy Thu 06-Mar-14 18:49:52

The amount of milk you can express is not an indication of supply. I ebf both of mine but it always took me ages to express - babies are more efficient than pumps! smile Maybe you could have this thread moved to the Feeding section? There may be some people there that can give you some good advice. Colds can be really tricky to feed through so I'm not surprised that you are getting frustrated after 4 of them!

formerbabe Thu 06-Mar-14 18:55:51

Give yourself a break! I was so much happier when I switched to mixed feeling.

sunshinesue Thu 06-Mar-14 20:27:50

Breastfeeding doesn't have to be all or nothing. I successfully mix fed for 10 months. A couple of formula top ups a day may make all the difference. Good luck, it's ALL hard at first but you're probably doing much better than you think!

susiegrapevine Thu 06-Mar-14 20:53:43

the best way to top up with formula if you want is to give some bottle after twice a day after a breast feed but not the last feed at night. if you want to give up cos its too stressful to continue do it - happy mum equals happy baby. Do not feek guilty! You tried and kept it up for ages and gave your baby the best start! This is from someobe who breast fed both her children for a year. Good luck op whatever you decide. and well done again.

ALittleFaith Thu 06-Mar-14 21:28:24

I've mix fed DD from 14 weeks. I found she settled much better in the evenings with one FF then finishing off on the boob. DH would give it and I got a total of 30-45 minutes to myself (bliss!). I'd go into the garden and get the washing or even go for a walk. I was depressed too and this really helped me to cope.

I agree with pp, how much you can express isn't an indicator of supply and personally 175ml would be loads for me to express then!

We gradually introduced more formula and at nearly 11 months I'm still mix feeding her (one BF a day, 2 FF). Definitely don't give up cold turkey. I'd get some advice if I were you. Is there a local BF support group? Mine were brilliant when I was struggling.

bedraggledmumoftwo Thu 06-Mar-14 21:56:07

Giving nipple shields a try this evening. Also got some domperidone from doc in hopes of boosting supply, especially if i am increasingly pumping, as the more bottles she has the more she seems to hate the boob, and i never seem to pump more than half what she guzzles. Ive got a medela swing pump and the right size funnel thing already.

thanks to everyone for the advice and support. I just feel inexplicably emotionally attached to breastfeeding but it is really demoralising being rejected all the time only to guzzle a bottle like shes starving!

noblegiraffe Thu 06-Mar-14 22:07:35

It's not inexplicable that you are emotionally attached to bfing, there are a lot of hormones involved and it's a lovely thing to do - when it works for the both of you. If it's not working for your baby, then there are many other lovely things you can do, cuddles, skin to skin, having a bath together. Be kind to yourself, you have worked really hard and have a gorgeous baby.

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