Advised to stop bfing baby because of toddler's challenging behaviour

(56 Posts)
BabyLove2014 Thu 06-Feb-14 22:51:58

I am devastated. My 2.5 year old bit another boy on the hand at his playgroup today. He was there with my mother and has been told they would rather he didn't return.
Both my mother and mother in law have put it partly down to him not getting enough attention from me.
I agree this may be partly true as I posted not so long back about how I could manage bf my baby with a toddler to entertain.
Thing is: I either give up bfing to see if that helps DS1's challenging behaviour and feel guilty about how this affects my 5 week old baby or I continue bfing and worry about how it is damaging my other son. He has shown nothing but affection towards his little brother so I am not even sure this is the root of the problem. He has been physical in the past when frustrated but never before on this level.
Not only do I not know where to go from here with the bfing but also with DS1 biting - how do I stop this becoming a habit?

hoppingmad Sat 08-Feb-14 01:52:38

Oh dear sad. Yes toddlers bite, I have previously been the mother of the bitten but dc4 is a biter. It's a phase.
My dm & dmil have very selective memories. They seem to see my dc's as so naughty and forget what life was like when theirs were young.
In fact my dsis & I had the police called on us we were fighting so loudly and dh recalls the huge fights between dsil & dmil with culminated in dmil kicking her out at 17!

My own dc's are actually better behaved then myself & dsis were - I'm still looking forward to my rose tinted glasses, I gather they come free with the first dgc!

GoshAnneGorilla Sat 08-Feb-14 01:55:50

DD1 went through a biting stage when she was two and had no siblings, it's a perfectly normal stage and luckily her nursery were great at firmly but kindly discouraging her from biting.

The playgroup were wrong to agree with your mother that he shouldn't come back, if they said that to the parents of every toddler who hit or bit, they'd surely have an empty playgroup!

pluCaChange Sat 08-Feb-14 09:53:15

Also, if we walked out on every playgroup or friendship in which some argy bargy has occurred, our children would never have a chance to do better.

My DS did shove, so I helicoptered, and he got through it.

Sneezecakesmum Sat 08-Feb-14 10:05:02

My DS had a personality change when dd was born at the same age. It's unlikely to be the bfing more the disruption a new baby causes and taking your attention away.

It's not an either or situation. Of course you should continue bfing but try to make a bit of special time for your DS.

Continue to set boundaries and rewards and try to ignore minor baby behaviour and praise the good.

My DS was eventually found to have ADHD so boundaries are especially important.

fhdl34 Sat 08-Feb-14 15:04:36

Haven't read the thread through but am in same position of toddler plus newborn. As my friend who bottle fed pointed out, at least I have one hand free to crayon, read, participate in teddybear's picnics, etc as bottle feeding takes 2 hands up. My toddler is also biting a bit, it is hard

jane1995 Sun 09-Feb-14 14:07:27

I disagree I think you should keep breastfeeding as if you bottle feed itll be more stressful for you (making up bottles, sterilizing ect) and will have less time for both kids x

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