Oh, are you feeding her AGAIN?(35 Posts)
At in laws for Xmas.
'are you feeding her again already'?
'no wonder she makes so many nappies you put so much in the top end' (5th of the day at 8pm)
'leave her be' (while on Mil lap frantically chewing her hands, sticking tongue out and crying)
'why don't you try her on some baby rice to fill the gap?'
DD is 11 weeks old and EBF. Yes she is very big (17lbs or more by now) but she is fed ON DEMAND, and she's my baby and I judge when she's hungry. No a cuddle with grandad is not more important than DD knowing her mum will answer her needs.
And I have oversupply and need to feed little and often as she can't cope with milk from an engorged breast.
FFS, DPIL want me to feed for 5 mins about every 4 hours!!
DD feeds for about 2hrs 45 each day, feeds normally 10 mins and about once every 90 mins. (bit more in day, big one before bed then goes 3-5 hour bursts at night).
Anyone else feeling judged at xmas?
(Seizing the opportunity to rant)
My beautiful 11 week old dd is a happy little soul. She rarely cries for any reason other than hunger. I have made this fact well known to all family and friends in regular contact with her. Yet... a few relatives insist in sticking their fucking fingers in her mouth then saying oh yes I think she's hungry. Yes. I know she's hungry. Get your germ ridden hands away from her mouth ffs!
While I'm at it, I have nothing against the use of dummies, but they are not right for my daughter. She doesn't need one. She cries to tell me she's hungry therefore I don't want to attempt to silence her with a bloody dummy. I'm so so sick if being asked 'when will she get a dummy?' and hailing dummy as some kind of magical cry stopper that I may take said dummy mans shove it into said relative's mouth every time they feel hungry. Arses!
We know out babies. Other people, no matter how well meaning, should butt out. (And take their interfering fingers with them)
My ds was huge and I had loads of milk, bf all the time on demand, didn't use a dummy - I just fed him, or cuddled him, why make him wait?
11 weeks is still very young, of course your baby prefers you and no fingers in mouths! Clearly the baby is hungry or needs to suck to feel secure and safe ( noises, strange voices)
my mil didn't want me bf anyway, she fussed about weight if baby - why wasn't I weighing before and after feeding? Er why? He is hungry, he feeds, he sleeps, he grows... She was actually after having him overnight ASAP so all her advice was skewed for her benefit not the baby.
Luckily dh told her to leave me alone. And pil. They were really fed up with me breast feeding a newborn at 8.00pm sharp - dinner time and said he was trying to be boss and should be left to cry. He did actually feed at 2-4 hourly intervals on the dot, so 8.00 pm was a prime time
But no, mil said newborns needed to know who was boss. They weren't allowed to stay when I had dd
Oh, loving this thread, I had exactly the same from MIL and felt judged when dd 7wo cried at their house (most of the time that she didn't have my boob mind you).
I didn't have any comeback to the 'you should give her a bottle, I don't know how you can stick that crying'?
My MiL tried to report me to social services as she thought that exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months was cruel. Obviously they put her right but she still goes on about it now.
Feel your pain! MiLs from hell!!
I asked mine when they last had a burger / drink/ crisps (we were at a summer BBQ, it was roasting). Since they had something in their hand, they shut up pretty smartish.
OP I got the same from DM when DS (EBF) was little.
They're not being horrible, they just come from a generation of 4 hourly feeds and early weaning. It's a lack of understanding.
Mum said later that she was encouraged to give up breast feeding as she "didn't have enough milk" and after seeing me stick at it she wished she had been given proper information to keep going. I think she was quite sad about it.
Track their day, i had to... Something like
11am cup of coffee
3:30pm cup of tea
8:30pm evening coffee
Plus water/juice/squash any time they feel thirsty. They don't go more than 4 hours without a drink or food, why deny a tiny helpless baby the same things?
The point about adults eating and drinking a lot more often than just the 3 official meal times is a really good one, I'll remember that and use it in future.
And my MIL proudly tells me how she fed my DP until he was 2 and she loved the special closeness of bf, and he was fed on demand. So errr why aren't I allowed to do the same? I know she and FIL would have been horrified if their in laws had interfered, they don't seem to consider that I might find their interference annoying too...
I think some people forget what they had been through easily and lose their empathy, or they prefer to do so.
Just had this at a wedding FROM A STRANGER! Seriously, how cheeky do you have to be to say that to someone you've never met before? Can't even use the generation theory - it was a man in his thirties. His wife (who I only vaguely know) was busy telling anyone who commented on how well behaved DS wad being (and he being bloody good) that it was only because I was "shoving hi on my tit" anytime it looked like he might cry. I just said "er, yes, he's eight weeks old and a snacker." Should have said "oh, sorry for meeting his needs. I'll let him cry it out next time. Would you like a cuddle with him when I do?"
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