An I being unreasonable here?

(7 Posts)
laughingeyes2013 Tue 05-Nov-13 17:38:35

My baby has had problems breastfeeding from day one.

At first he was premature and couldn't suck so had to mature to be able to breastfeed. Then he developed reflux so each feed wax agony for him, despite being medicated. And then finally he had an undiagnosed posterior tongue tie for the first 12 weeks which made feeding horrendously painful and ineffective.

Throughout, I exclusively breastfed because I had done so for a year with my first baby and wanted to give then the same.

But now, at 5 months he is still feeding every 1.5-2 hours ROUND THE CLOCK. I am exhausted. It is impacting on my milk to the point where baby is biting and squirming as I try to feed him from what feels like an empty breast.

My health visitor suggested I try combined feeding for a while, and it worked like a dream. Well fed baby and good milk from me.

But the problem I have is my husband keeps making formula bottles and feeding baby rather than waiting for me to breastfeed. Today I fed baby at 5am and have been beaten to it all day (because of naps and appointment etc). I am so upset! He says I am overreacting.

What do you say?

tiktok Tue 05-Nov-13 18:03:17

I don't understand this very clearly, sorry.....if you want to continue breastfeeding then of course you have to continue breastfeeding! In that if you don't breastfeed, your milk will go.

Why does your dh not accept this and that this is what you want to do?

I don't think you have a feeding problem. I think you have a dh problem!

He may be trying to help and to reduce your distress. But he's actually making you more upset by his behaviour. It doesn't make sense.

If he really won't listen to you and work things out together then the issue goes beyond what sort of milk your baby gets, yes?

Having said that, just keep hold of your baby and make sure you get to him first after naps.

allbottledup Tue 05-Nov-13 18:25:01

I've just seen your thread in AIBU.

If you want to continue combined feeding then you need to ensure that your dh understands how milk production works. Does he realise that if he doesn't let you feed you will a) be painfully engorged and b) eventually slow, even stop, your milk production?

Smartiepants79 Tue 05-Nov-13 18:33:07

I presume he feels he is giving you a break?
A calm, chat explaining how feeding works seems to be in order if you have your heart set on continuing mixed feeding.
It does seem a little odd that your husband is deliberately ignoring your wishes. Maybe you need to to decide which feeds will be formula and which will be breast. Then everyone knows where they stand and what their responsibilities are.
We did this and it worked great for me and my husband.

laughingeyes2013 Tue 05-Nov-13 18:55:40

Yes I put this in AIBU because there were no replies yet and I wondered if it might be the wrong category. Thanks to you all for replying.

In answer to your questions - I had sent him a text from my appointment asking him to wait for me to get back so I can BF, but said he could offer a tiny bit to take the edge off if I get held up in traffic. He immediately gave a full feed so when I got there 10 minutes past the time I said I would aim for, I had to pump my milk off instead.

I know his intentions are out of a)concern for me but also b) self preservation because he can't always handle it when baby cries and always wants him to be fed (even if he's had a feed an hour ago).

He knows I feel useless as it is because I am not managing to breastfeed like I wanted to. I think he's putting it down to me being irrational because he called me unreasonable about it.

Smartiepants79 Tue 05-Nov-13 19:50:59

It sounds like today was an exceptional day with you out of your usual routine. You not being there to feed him is presumably not a common occurrence.
All I can say is try and remember your husband is probably also feeling useless and maybe cut him a bit of slack. He can't help you with feeding and when you are EBF he can't help the baby either!! I know that's how my DH felt when I was struggling.
As I said maybe try and articulate your feelings and fears as calmly as you can and see if he can see things from your point of view.
And remember weaning is just round the corner! It should start to get better!

laughingeyes2013 Tue 05-Nov-13 21:56:52

We've had a good talk about it and I hope it makes a difference.

I've made it clearer and asked that there are only 2 formula feeds per day if possible.

I'm also wondering if baby might be going through another growth spurt as he's had more ounces of formula today than ever before - normally he will stop at 3, 4 max, but today has been taking 5 and 6 each time.

Thanks all for your input.

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