Dh unsupportive

(34 Posts)
Twinnies10 Sun 22-Sep-13 09:58:03

Hi
Not really sure why I am posting this guess just wondering has anyone else felt the same, I am currently bf my 8 week old, it's going very well but he is still feeding alot, my dh wore me down and got me to agree to a bottle of formula at night (he tried for 2) before bed in the last week, everytime henhas bottle he makes a comment like "let's give you a decent feed" or "let's fill you up properly" just now he walked in on me pumping, it was up at 3 ozs and I was chuffed, he looked and said "
The poor fecker must always be starving" it really hurt, hes a content baby and only cries when hungry, has only been sick after the magic bottle, never after a bf, he is slowly knocking away at my confidence hmm

tiktok Mon 23-Sep-13 10:59:39

It's good you have started a support thread for women in this situation. I think I can say that this attitude among men is very unusual. I am a breastfeeding counsellor and I only very rarely come across these feelings. It's not uncommon for men to feel helpless and puzzled, but continual criticism and undermining, especially after the mum has explained her feelings and has shared information about bf with him, is not normal and it is very unkind and totally unacceptable.

Please don't let the fact that other women have experienced the same, end up normalising this attitude and behaviour sad

It really doesn't matter a jot what the family expects or what the family has been used to doing in the past. Now is now and babies' needs and mothers' needs should be easily compelling enough to overcome the past.

Famzilla Tue 24-Sep-13 12:19:24

I can't believe men like this exist in 2013. It's shameful.

DH has been nothing but supportive, and none of our friends have BF either (maybe because we're in our early 20's in a very WC area? Who knows). You don't have to be an educated person to put the health needs of your child above your own chosen ignorance. Utterly pathetic.

HadALittleFaith Tue 24-Sep-13 13:01:53

After a long chat with my DH it's seems it's not as black and white as I thought - he is worried that the BF is contributing to my depression (I'll admit I am a bit depressed) because DD isn't sleeping well. He honestly thinks FF babies sleep better hence why he's encouraging me to consider stopping or cutting down. Thing is I love BF and find it convenient in so many ways I think life would be harder with bottles! I can't imagine getting up to warm bottles in the night when I can currently just stick her on the boob. I do wonder if DD just had a long period of the 4 month sleep regression because her day time naps have improved in the last week.

Twinnies10 Tue 24-Sep-13 13:12:24

That's good hadalittlefaith, I also spoke to dh and he reckons he didn't mean it like that and is 100% behind me, no comments anyways since

you have to do whatever you feel is right for you and your baby, your husband I'm afraid will have to like it or lump it. ((hugs))

Jollyb Tue 24-Sep-13 19:38:37

Tik tok - I wonder if this attitude is that unusual. Maybe unsupportive partners are part of the reason breast feeding rates are so low. The women that you counsel are a selected group in that they are seeking help for breast feeding problems. The ones whose partners give no encouragement or support probably give up before they even get to you.

DD1 was mixed fed as I was exhausted after a traumatic labour and emergency section. DP was guilty of making the 'let's top her up' type comments. It didn't help that first time we gave her formula she took an 0z and slept for 4 hours.

I was wary that he would undermine me this time but touch wood he hasn't so far.

tiktok Tue 24-Sep-13 23:17:52

I see what you mean, jollyb - but I see plenty of women without problems, too, antenatally and postnatally.

petalsandstars Wed 25-Sep-13 09:10:18

I saw a tv programme on bf yesterday and a teen mum didn't bf as breasts are for sex and bf is for older posh mums. Although when pushed a little admitted now she wished she'd tried it. Others were scared of being judged for bf in public, but said if it was seen more frequently they'd find it more normal.

TwerkingNineToFive Wed 25-Sep-13 09:19:10

Hadalittkefaith
My bf baby (couldn't get more than a couple of ounces by expressing) slept through (7-7) from 8 weeks every night. Some baby's sleep some don't ff or bf.
I think your baby would rather have a healthy happy mummy than be fed a certain way but sleep wise ff won't nessisarly help.

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