need help don't know where to post

(87 Posts)
aldeburgh Thu 09-May-13 09:47:31

Dd2 is 7.5 weeks old... Has reflux to the extent that she cannot lay on her back as she gags and chokes. Has been this way since about a week old probably earlier but we just assumed it was usual newborn mucous issues and needing a warm body.... Symptoms started to develop and she was diagnosed by gp after hv suggested reflux.... Anyway.... Here we are exhausted.... Dd2 not gaining and dropping centiles so i was advised that she needed at least a bottle of formula a day to get her back on track. Andnow they are suggesting 2 and perhaps i should stop altogether.
I am not enjoying bf but of course i am shattered so can't. I have dd1 to look after. Getting as much help as possible but still exhausted... I sometimes think everyone is right i should give up.... I am losing a scary amount of weight and everyone is saying my supply is not enough. I just don't know what to do. I feel guilty for even thinking about giving up but what if i am not supplying enough and she could thrive on formula. Help.

Meringue33 Fri 10-May-13 04:56:59

We give a bottle ff at night, I bf during the early hours and until 9pm then DP gives ff at 9pm and settles LO to sleep. LO is four months and we've been doing this since he was ten weeks it has saved my sanity.

No personal experience of reflux but an acquaintance of mine her daughter had it and did not regain birthweight for ten weeks, she was ebf and is now healthy and thriving. So it can and will eventually get better, tough as it is right now.

Hugs to you xx

KatieLily12 Fri 10-May-13 05:11:49

Not scanned through responses but had to respond instantly as this was our story.

At its height I was dealing with nursing strike, a failure to thrive due to no weight gain and I was stick thin. Little one cried in pain in my arms 24/7.I know what you are going through.

Firstly, no one can tell you to switch from BM to formula. You have to make that choice and you have to be ready. You sound invested in it OP. try to use that emotion to keep you going through all of this.

The more formula you use in place of your milk, the less your body will produce. If you need a break its fine and you don't have to do exclusively one or the other. However IF you want to keep going like we did here's what happened: I expressed after feeds to increase supply and to provide top ups whenever I could. Someone had to help hold little one and I hated it but it was crucial to her. I cut out dairy, soy, fizzy drinks, chocolate and caffeinated drinks and subbed in supplements and foods such as almond butter for calcium. I kept going.

My LO has been on a good regime of drugs which were crucial to help her feed. She's now 6 months and a little porker. We still exclusively breast feed and everyday her reflux eases a tiny bit more as she grows.

Private message me if you would like.its the hardest thing and I know you must feel so trapped. You're doing wonderfully, I promise.
(Excuse any autocorrect fail, typing while soothing down said 6mo)

KatieLily12 Fri 10-May-13 05:39:53

Ok read through and thought of a few things not mentioned

Kellysmom blog: the BEST in latest breast feeding research. I had it bookmarked and read things over and over. It was especially helpful in the face of some very undertrained professionals.

Foods that may help you with supply: oats, fennel supplements (after a feed), brewers yeast, fenugreek, red bush tea.

Pumping is NOT an indication of milk supply necessarily. It's a whole other skill and I sucked at. Also it's next to impossible to know how much milk they take so just do little and often if necessary and you can face it. Try a babymoon: a day on your dressing gown, no bra and little one ticked in there witha gro, open and no vest. They can feed whenever and the skin to skin will help you both feel better and increase supply. Even though I was ragged at the time, I kind of miss my baby moon days!

Ignore any crap about negative sleep associations or rod for your own back. Right now if the sling comforts them and gets you some rest? Do it. I slept upright with her in sling, one arm hanging out for safety at one point. She now sleeps on bed independently (although we co sleep). On those long rocking sessions, read Dr Sears Attachment Parenting: he'll make you feel really good about holding your baby (and give you some good, well researched comebacks to stupid HV who insist on you teaching them to sleep independently)

That said, rest is important. If someone else can hold them or they'll go in a rocker while you shower etc. do it. They'll possibly cry a little but its ok. You're an important resource.

Comfort foods I inhaled on strict diet? Colin the caterpillars and flapjacks full of dried fruit etc. I also ate junk food for the first time ever.

smile4me Fri 10-May-13 06:01:01

Hi OP, just wanted to say your story is very similar to mine, DD would only sleep on us, upright until 14 or 15w, and now sleeps in her own cot just fine (most of the time anyway smile ) so please don't worry now about bad sleep associations. She's so little, you've just got to do what you have to!

There's some really good advice on the reflux support thread, especially about things to ask Dr about as it always helps if you have an idea about what they're talking about so you know what questions to ask! Another good website is www.cryingoverspiltmilk.co.nz

Is the formula that you're using cows milk based or have you got a dairy free one? IMHO HVs and lots of GPs sadly are not up to date with latest BF advice, (the ladies up here ^^ have given you far more accurate info!) so if you want to continue BF don't let the GP/HV talk you out of it or tell you that you do not have enough milk.

great advice here but just wanted to add a little on iron levels, 8.5 is VERY low and will be making you feel terrible, i needed a transfusion at 8. I was anemic for a long time and it makes everything ten times harder to cope with. You really need to get your levels up, you will feel hugely better. If the iron supplements upset your stomach get spatone and take 2 sachets with berocca every morning (vit c helps iron absorb). Take floradix during the day. Both available from boots, tesco etc. Take care of yourself x

KatieLily12 Fri 10-May-13 09:29:27

Ooo spatone tastes better and is less, erm, bunging????

You cant really taste spatone mixed with berocca/ fruit juice. It dosent affect me at all- whereas tablets really upset my stomach. I had the opposite of bunging, would have preferred that tbh Katie!

KatieLily12 Fri 10-May-13 10:07:25

Hahaha it all is SO dignified being a mother eh?!?

BigPigLittlePig Fri 10-May-13 10:15:37

OP I second what katie says about the sleeping/rod for your back thing. Until she was 3 or 4 months old, dd would only sleep on me, or in the sling. At night she was in our bed, by day she was on me. Now, unless her reflux is bad, she has 2 or 3 naps in the cot during the day, and sleeps in her cot at night. It gets better - when your LO feels better, she will start to settle with other people and in her own bed. When people used to make rod-for-back comments, I used to think in my head "it's my rod and my effing back" whilst smiling and nodding.

And c-beebies is your friend!

aldeburgh Fri 10-May-13 19:12:44

Weighed today has dropped below 9th centile ... Hv said to add in another bottle. I said won't that be the beginning of the end and she said it doesn't have to be.

Dh really wants me to stop completely... He is really worried about my health.... I guess i have always been a curvy girl and i am withering away. Must be hard to see me drained.

stairsKate i didn't realise 8.5 was that low. Eek . Got some floradix today will look for spatone too

bigpig i am doing my shift propped in bed as i am frightened of falling asleep on the sofa... Figure the bed marginally safer hmm

smile we were just using generic ready made cartons but dh went and bought some aptaml pepti at lunch so switching to that for the supplement feed .
I feel good hearing about others holding babes upright for weeks but then being able to go in cots . I guess once the pain is managed/controlled we can help her transition. Gently.

katelily that sounds awful... I am worrie bout nursing strike. Today she has been upset during feeds and i am worried my supply is dwindling more. Trouble with sling is she likes me tp keep moving. Sitting down is not often an option. But standing swaying in the kitchen while stuffing my face with toast is easier than holding her and rocking. smile

meringue did you find your supply was ok the rest of the time?

KatieLily12 Fri 10-May-13 19:53:40

You are doing so well! With co sleeping make it safe and you can relax then. We have a side cot, you can hack an ikea one with a couple of bungee cords. Or push bed tight against the wall and keep a light blanket to cover you both, no duvets.

I walked hours and hours. She'll let me stop now, if she's not sleeping!!

Your shape will come back. For some, it he most weight they ever put on. For other it's the most they ever lost. Try explaining how important it is to you without the stressful part: those few good feeds, stroking your baby's head etc. my partner was terrified for my mental strength too a I sent myself nearly half mad trying to express.

I think you need some more specialist support. Are you in the position to see a lactation consultant? Some HV are good but most are rubbish IME.

Keep eating those flapjacks mama!

aldeburgh Sat 11-May-13 03:39:24

I think there is chance she has tongue tie after reading all the signs on milk matters.... Dh said he always thought he tongue looked odd... But since we asked several times if she had tongue tie and told no he said no more. I feel guilty for not realising sooner. My right nipple often is tender after feeds but i assumed it was just he length of time she was feeding.

Not saying she definitely has tt... But there is a possibility and so next step is to call local ish lactation consultant in the morning and book her to visit.

Thanks to everyone for the support. I guess if she does have tt then that will be why my supply is barely there. Will i be able to build it back up quickly enough for dd tp thrive ??????

KatieLily12 Sat 11-May-13 09:37:39

Yes you will. My friend did exactly this.

You can absolutely do this. You're doing so well already. You sound so commited! The LC should be able to give you specific support about supply, supplementing feeds etc. in my experience they're often better at helping managing mixed feeds as they actually understand how boobs work!

Good luck x

aldeburgh Sat 11-May-13 10:12:34

LC booked for Monday afternoon. Just got to keep going.

KatieLily12 Sat 11-May-13 10:50:12

Just keep swimming...!!

Seriously, message back and forth with other mamas if it helps. Sanity is a hard fought battle some days!

aldeburgh Sat 11-May-13 11:38:31

grin what shall we do... We'll swim.

Emilythornesbff Sat 11-May-13 11:59:58

How are you getting on?
It's really hard to get tt checked properly. Lots of ppl miss it.
Where are you? (pm me if you don't want to say here, but if by some fluke you are near me I can get it checked for you.
Em.

Emilythornesbff Sat 11-May-13 12:05:15

Post. Sorry.
Tongue tie is my pet thing. [ grin] got over excited!
Good luck.

aldeburgh Sat 11-May-13 15:02:49

emilythornesbff it's your pet thing... That made me grin.... I am near Cambridge... The LC who is visiting Monday has a clinic there. A friends ds needed a posterior tie division so she recommended her to me... Apparently she can do the procedure in our home if it is tied. Friend said to definitely have dh at home so he is going to try and get a half day.

Emilythornesbff Sat 11-May-13 20:34:08

grin I know blush

Hope all goes well with the LC.

Em.

aldeburgh Sun 12-May-13 11:18:00

I really can't wait for tomorrow afternoon. To know one way or another why she is not getting enough milk from me.

KatieLily12 Sun 12-May-13 19:34:06

It's such a relief to have some answers finally.

Let us know how you get on? X

aldeburgh Sun 12-May-13 19:38:41

Will do.

aldeburgh Mon 13-May-13 19:15:07

Posterior tongue tie. Snipped. Re learning to breast feed starts now.

BigPigLittlePig Mon 13-May-13 20:55:02

smile It made a huge difference when dd had her tt snipped - hope things get better and better for you from this point on.

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