All day wedding in June, dreading leaving my breastfed 6 month old, help!

(39 Posts)
Itsmymove Wed 01-May-13 20:08:54

My DS is ebf which I'm loving. He's usually asleep by 8 so I have managed a few evenings out but always feed him to sleep and know that'll be him til 3/4 am. We have an all day wedding in June and my dad and stepmum will have him overnight, we will be about 45 minutes drive away.

He has never stayed away and although we tried him with a bottle a couple of times so dad could feed him, it was always such a hassle sterilising and expressing etc!

I tried him today with a bottle to get into practice but he just chewed on the teat and I offered him a sippy cup but he wasn't sure what to do! Then tonight I tried to feed him and put him down awake, he rolled about for about 45 minutes whining a bit and then I lifted him when he got really upset, popped him on the boob and he was asleep in two minutes!

I'm now a bit worried for my parents getting him settled at night, he sees them often and is a very good baby so I know he'll be fine all day, its just this last feed of the evening. any hints?

I'm getting married next year and def would not think of banning children - after all my own child will hopefully be 10 months old at the time!

Each to their own but brides cannot get annoyed if someone doesn't go because their children aren't welcome

handcream Fri 03-May-13 22:11:37

I would fully understand if someone couldn't make it or take offence in the slightest but I do think some on this thread are saying its all about the baby (who will never remember a thing in later life) as opposed to the b and g.

dietcokeandwine Fri 03-May-13 22:17:40

Fairydogmother (fab name, btw grin), I agree. If a bride bans children and then gets stroppy because someone turns down the invite, then that's definitely bridezilla-ey. Can't have it all ways. It is, as you say, each to their own - there will always be people who can't imagine a wedding without children and people who can't imagine anything worse than children at a wedding.

OP - getting back to your original question - I really hope you find a solution that works for you and your DS. You may well find that if you do go he will be perfectly fine and settle quite happily for his grandparents, even if he fusses at the bottle with you. But if you are not happy with the situation I don't think you'd be at all unreasonable to send your apologies and simply not go.

expatinscotland Fri 03-May-13 22:20:57

Don't go.

EleanorFarjeon Fri 03-May-13 22:24:10

I would either take him, or not go.

A 6 month old baby is not a 'child', he's not going to annoy anyone or be throwing himself around the dance floor.

I ebf mine and there's no way I could have left them at this stage. I would have not been able to relax - it would have been pointless.

specialsubject Fri 03-May-13 22:25:03

a childfree wedding is fine, as long as the bride realises that some people can't go and won't be cross about that.

a small ebf baby means there are some things mum can't do during this time.

no-one wants a baby howling through the ceremony. Not the baby's fault.

warn the bride that you may not be able to attend because you have a small ebf baby. No-one half reasonable will mind.

tunnocksteacake Fri 03-May-13 22:29:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I thank you dietcokeandwine lol <mini twirl as I love my name too>

dietcokeandwine Fri 03-May-13 22:33:19

Eleanor no, he's not going to be deliberately annoying anyone or throwing himself around the dance floor. He could however whinge, or cry, or scream at any point throughout the day. Which would be pretty annoying/distracting/unpleasant/stressful for the bride and groom and other guests. He could do a massive explosive stinky nappy as the bride walks down the aisle. Or have a breastfeed and then sick up everywhere during the vows. Or get overtired and distressed because he's missed a nap and is somewhere strange and unfamiliar to him. All and any of which entirely normal and understandable baby behaviour. But none of it is exactly desirable at a wedding.

Fuckwittery Fri 03-May-13 22:46:33

I'd cancel or just go to the day and not the evening. At this stage bride probably won't lose money. It's not worth it to have you stressed over whether your baby has had any milk.

TwitchyTail Fri 03-May-13 22:56:49

I wouldn't go without him. Too stressful all round.

But after attending a recent wedding where three separate babies screamed through the vows, I don't blame the bride for a no-children/no-babies rule. Some parents really do not get the concept of Taking The Child Out and give us all a bad name.

I'd say to the bride (or whoever you're friends with) that you would love to come but you can't leave your breastfeeding baby, so you'll have to give your apologies and hope they have a lovely day. That's her cue to either say "but of course you can bring your baby!" or "what a shame, we'll miss you", depending on the strength of her opposition to his presence.

Itsmymove Sat 04-May-13 00:39:39

I do agree with you dietcoke about it being their day and if they don't want babies there, fine by me. Hes a very sociable baby and i know for a fact that he would be a little angel for everyone to coo over grin but I just would not feel comfortable asking her to bring him.

the bride/groom have what will be an 11 month old DD and said that is the only LO going. Even the bridesmaid has a small bf baby....hmm will check the situ there I think!

It is quite a close friend and I will definitely go the wedding, just comes down to logistics. Sorry, he is almost six months now so will be 7 months by time of wedding and i will be with him until lunchtime, home by midnight. I would never go if I knew he would be upset without me, so if that's the case, maybe need to have them bring him to me!! I think I will look into other hotels in the area.

My HV suggested not bothering with bottle and just moving him onto a cup but again, not fair on the parentals as would be rather time consuming I imagine?!

TwitchyTail Sat 04-May-13 08:23:49

I'd just do a trial run then (maybe try the cup then?), and if your parents get spooked, book them and your son into a hotel nearby smile

Emilythornesbff Sat 04-May-13 08:45:35

I second the idea of trying a cup.it was the only thing that worked for us.
And sorry, up thread I referred to your dsm as your mum. Didn't read op properly. blush

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