Feeling the weaning pressure at 9 months

(20 Posts)

It's sad because I am all for breastfeeding until baby or mum decides enough is enough, but I'm starting to feel like I'm a real outsider and weird somehow fir still feeding DS at 9 mo which I know is nowhere near natural term breastfeeding standards.

All I get asked now when people know I breastfeed is "when are you going to stop" and in a way that implies "why haven't you stopped already?"

I don't really know what t say, I usually say "whenever DS wants to stop" but then feel embarrassed by their reaction and follow up with some bull** about how it was so painful to begin with how could I possibly stop now when it's just getting easier...then I feel bad because I shouldn't have to justify or explain myself. Grrrrr...

TreeLuLa Sat 30-Mar-13 20:35:44

Weaning and breastfeeding go hand in hand.

I breastfed till 10 months (had to take drugs incompatible with bf) but it wasn't till over a year that the DTs were getting most of their cals from food.

You keep going as long as you want to! I think I would have struggled to give up if I hadn't had to, but would have been quite happy to continue till the boys were 2+

DefiniteMaybe Sat 30-Mar-13 20:38:10

When people ask me when I'm going to stop feeding dd I generally say sometime before she draws a pension. Normally shuts them up.
I'm so glad that I haven't weaned her. She's had a bug the past few days and isn't eating or drinking but has had loads of bm. I'm guessing if that wasn't available to her she would have been really poorly.

MortifiedAdams Sat 30-Mar-13 20:40:58

This is so contrary to my experience - I only bfd DD in hospital and formula fed once home; however at 15mo I have had a few (posotive) comments from people who are under the assumption that I BF. And these are friends and family grin. Not in a 'ooh you bf' way but 'do you want us to head off now so you can bf dd?'

fluffacloud Sat 30-Mar-13 20:47:31

I'm in the same boat. DD2 is 11mo and a formula refuser.

Everyone inc DP and DM thinks that I should have stopped by now. DP even said that it was 'disgusting' now that she's almost a year old. Oh, not forgetting that she should be sleeping through by now - and she would of course, if she was having a bottle <yawn>

Now I'm going to carry on, because I'm a contrary and stubborn bitch grin

You should be able to carry on for as long as both you and your DS wants to.

Jeggie Sat 30-Mar-13 20:48:03

From experience, people stop asking by 12m. smile No one else's business how long you and your baby feed for. There are plenty of positives for continuing as long as you both want and you shouldnt really need to justify yourself to anyone. I do understand how you are feeling though. Maybe see if you can find a la leche league group or similar - then you might not feel so unusual. I trained as a bf supporter which meant I met lots of longer term bfers (weaning anything from 9m to 3y) and made me feel more free to do what I wanted. I often explain that I didn't necessarily plan to feed so long ("only" 15m so far) but that it just happens as why would you stop if it works for you both?

That's interesting mortified Maybe because he is a proper little toddler, he started walking very early and now runs around in shoes and is very independent in group settings so looks much older than he is, but he's still my little baby!

definite love the sarcastic response approach, I will try and think of something witty to say!

tree feeding twins to 10 months, wow, that's impressive!

I will keep going, just wish other people especially those without kids would keep their insults comments to themselves. But these are people I love, I don't really want to get into an argument with them I just want them not to be so quick to judge

fluffa that must be really hard to have your dp and dm against you. You're doing really well then! The sttn thing is annoying, maybe get dp to give a bottle and let him attend to LO when she still inevitably wakes!

Jeggie maybe training as a bfc would give me some ammunition to continue in their eyes "for research purposes" hmm

Welovegrapes Sun 31-Mar-13 16:17:36

You are doing amazingly to still be feeding at this stage - yay smile

IME this is the hardest bit - when they still want to feed during the day and are still babies and others are a bit hmm especially bad if dc are tall or early walkers.

I found i got lots of looks / criticism at that stage. Now DS is over 1 no one knows I still bf except very close family who are supportive. DS can almost always wait so I don't need to feed in public. It is our lovely snugly private bf time at nap and bed times and first thing and I'm so happy to still be bf. particularly when I read about the ongoing health benefits!

It will get easier!!!

DrCoconut Sun 31-Mar-13 19:52:18

DS2 is 2 next week and still BF. he is showing no signs of self weaning. People ask in a "you should have stopped by now" way but not so many know now. I would like to meet like minded people so I don't feel so weird sometimes.

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Sun 31-Mar-13 20:03:27

Yes, I agree the 9-12 month stretch is the hardest. But people do stop asking after that as it's assumed you've stopped by then. You can happily continue morning & night for as long as you fancy.

I only recently gave up just before DS's 2nd birthday. I'm glad we continued for so long, but the time was right to stop.

Keep going if you want to. It's nobody else's business.

FattyMcChubster Sun 31-Mar-13 20:06:57

I've had loads of comments from people suggesting its weird I still bf dd at 10mo.
'are you still breastfeeding?'
'well I tried starving her but she wasn't too happy about that so yes I am' said with a smile is now my response through gritted teeth

Piemother Sun 31-Mar-13 20:10:17

That's a shame it's unusual where you are op. my nct group all bf as I did. Dd1 did 12 months and quit but all her friends the same age stopped between 12 and 24 months. No one socially ever questioned it but my old gp was shocked I bf past 6 months and insinuated I should stop. But then he was just showing up his jack of infant feeding knowledge.

princesssmartypantss Sun 31-Mar-13 20:28:21

I am not certain if there is a link but my ds fed until 18m since he gave up he has been ill every month and i have been ill twice too! He got down to two feeds one morning and night and around a year just one before bed, but still seemed to have health benefits! In your situation i would continue.

Welovegrapes Sun 31-Mar-13 20:51:09

Has anyone mentioned LLL yet? I found this a lifeline for meeting other bf mums of older babies/toddlers when other people thought I was weird to still be feeding.

Maybe there is a group near you?

MyNameIsAnAnagram Sun 31-Mar-13 21:13:40

I think I either used to say I didn't know when I was going to stop or say till at least 12m so I didn't have to bother with the faff of formula. Then after a while (12mish?) dropped to only wanting morning and night so people stop asking as they assume you've stopped.

Thanks welovegrapes yeh I think we need to get to the stage where he just feeds morning and night, but I can't see that ever happening to be honest. He can't latch properly so only gets very small amounts of milk when he feeds, so always has done very frequent, very quick feeds. I think he's having a growth spurt at the moment which doesn't help! Been at MILs and he's literally had about 10 feeds in an hour....like a newborn!

Good response fatty I can see their faces if I said that though they would nod in sympathy, rather than get he sarcasm I think, haha!

I wouldn't say breastfeeding is unusual pie just bf past the tiny baby stage is very rare. I have met people at la leche that have older DCs but they are not my friends so it's not the same. I'd almost be more comfortable feeding in front of strangers, much easier to be confident!

I can't believe the health professionals reactions, my hv was the same!

princess your post has definitely made me want to carry on, even if there is no link at least I cold comfort him easily when he gets ill!

noblegiraffe Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:34

Just say you can't be arsed with formula at this late stage and want to keep going till you can switch to cows milk. Or don't want to fork out for it, people seem to accept that.

Loislane78 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:45:13

^^ that's what I intend to say and probably do; miss the bottles and formula stage and move to cows milk around 1. People do seem OK with that (not that its their business) although I think my mum and MIL think I'm making life hard for myself, not that they say so directly which is something at least. Luckily DP been v supportive.

I'll also be back at work so if we can just do morning/evening BFs I'll do that but will be too much for me to express during the day.

I know what you mean though about having to have stock answers and somehow feel you need to 'justify' it.

wigwam33 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:45:38

I just want to encourage you to keep going if you want to. It's a very personal thing.

I am still BFing my 2.4 yr old but I think in terms of other peoples' reactions the 9-14 month stage was the hardest, perhaps because it's around that time that a lot of people seem to give up. I guess connected with the pressures for many women of going back to work etc.. Also at that stage IME, DC's often want to be breastfed in the day time, when teeth hurt etc. which can often mean breastfeeding out in public. If you have a tall / big / mobile / early talker at this stage, it can get those reactions. It's a shame because to me it's the most natural thing in the world but it can happen.

Family and close friends know that I still breastfeed my DS, but most people I think assume that I gave up a long time ago. I always thought I would be one of those women who would happily breastfeed in public with a toddler but it turns out I'm not and I hate the social pressure / looks associated with it. So my DS knows that he only gets breastmilk at home, usually only at bed time and in the morning. I bet there are loads more people out there that 'closet' breastfeed toddlers too!

One thing that has helped me is knowing that there are others out there who are still BF their toddlers and finding friends in real life who do this. I have a couple of friends with DCs the same age as my son who also still breastfeed. Even though we only talk about it occasionally, I feel it as a strong source of moral support!

Oh and an aside - my son got the norovirus just before he was 2 and the only thing he would take was breastmilk. I was SO glad I was still BFing him as he wouldn't even take any water, and it reassured me about him not getting too dehydrated.

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