Is anyone feeding an older child who still constantly asks for milk?

(7 Posts)

DD is four, we are still bfing. I would have liked to have stopped years ago, she is a girl obsessed. We are weaning, just very very excruciatingly slowly. Sigh. We have been (forcibly) down to just morning and evening feeds only for a while. I couldn't think of anyway of stopping these two feeds which wouldn't be brutal (I have endless threads, I am a bfing bore, I'm so sorry blush). In an exciting (for me) breakthrough, DD has suddenly started falling asleep while she is waiting for milk, so maybe 5 nights out of 7 she is falling asleep without boob. WAHOO! Still need to think of a way of dropping the morning one (think it will have to involve me getting up early, urgh) but it's a start.

Anyway, here is the thing. She still asks for milk ALL THE TIME. Like a hundred times a day. 18mo DS is still fed on demand so she sees him getting milk when he wants and is actually pretty good with that. She even asks when it's logistically impossible eg I'm driving the car and she's strapped into her seat in the back.

Does anyone else have an older child who constantly asks? I find it quite hard work, both invasive and guilt-inducing. I'm also wondering whether just giving her full access whenever she asks for a couple of days would help her get over this ... but am terrified of it backfiring and us backsliding sad Any words of wisdom for me?

Spiritedwolf Tue 29-Jan-13 18:08:27

My nursling isn't that old yet, but I had a thought when reading your post, is it possible that its her way of asking for undivided attention/cuddle/mumtime? or even just how she's used to addressing you? Do you think finding something else special to share (reading/craft/etc) that you do together might help (you probably already spend time with her, I just mean you could maybe try and make a big deal of 'special time with mummy'.

She's old enough to talk to about this though isn't she? What does she say when you say you can't possibly nurse her whilst you're driving?

Do you think she's jealous of DS getting when he asks and just feels she's missing out? Would making a big deal of the things she can do with you because she's bigger help?

EauRouge Tue 29-Jan-13 18:49:54

Dita, I could've written that! can't write loads now as on my phone, might be a couple of days before I can reply properly. do u find she asks less when you are out? sometimes I think boredom is a factor. my dd would feed like a newborn if I let her.

Ah, Eau, you are my constant companion on ebf threads! <wave>

Spirited I think it possibly is a boredom/attention thing. I have been trying really hard to make sure that she is still getting lots of cuddles even though we're cutting down on the bfing. I was wondering today if I should be trying to have more 1:1 time with her though. And I should make more of an effort to do things with her probably, I'm not as fun a mum as I thought I would be sad

To some extent I think it is just a nervous tic/reflex type of thing asking for milk. In the car I've taken to just saying cheerfully "Yes of course, help yourself!", which she doesn't seem to have a problem with, maybe it's just a joke for her asking then.

We do talk about it a little but usually she just tells me that she's going to keep bfing forever and refuses to believe that most people we know don't have milk any more or that one day she won't want it either ... Sigh.

Not sure she's jealous of DS really. Maybe a little. She does want to be babied a bit more at the moment (eg refuses to dress herself when she used to enjoy it etc) and I know it's hard for her when he gets praised for things she can easily do or she gets told off for things and he doesn't, but DH and I are aware of it and try to be gentle/fair/etc.

DS is nearly 4 and still BF. He only had a bed time feed now. I've found he's been obsessed with BF whenever we've either dropped a feed or talking about dropping a feed - I'm saying that BF will stop when he's 4 so in response DS is trying to suckle through my top every time I cuddle him. Sigh. No idea if giving up will actually happen but I feel ready to stop ...

AngelDog Tue 29-Jan-13 23:15:15

I would have guessed boredom, or wanting to start a conversation but not having the social skills to be more interesting.

My 3 y.o. has a set of phrases which are CONSTANTLY used like this, although they revolve around, "After this, what will we do?", "What day is it tomorrow? What will we do?" and "What are you doing?" ad infinitum.

So today DD and I had some nice 1:1 time while DS had his nap. She sat on my knee and we cuddled and watched cartoons on Youtube (not choice but it was what she wanted to do). And that's when she asked if she could have milk - so not boredom, not for physical contact, not for my attention. We had a little chat about how much she loved milk and I told her all about when she was a baby and it was the first thing she did when she was born etc. But I just feel so sad about it all. I'm really wondering about giving her full unrestricted access again ... but I'm scared in case it makes it harder to stop.

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