Stopping bf 15mth baby - help please

[finleymummy]

I have a 15 mth old son who I still feed regularly day and night. I have just moved his cot from my bedside to my 5 year old sons room, to try and detach him a little and eventually stop bfing.

My plan is to cut down feeds gradually by a few mins each time and get him used to not feeding and self-settling to sleep. This is exhausting all of us however, and is like we've gone back to having a newborn. Especially for my 5 year old who has school to attend.

I am desparate now to get back to myself and have my life back and the days as it's been so long, buy my boy is just so angry and dislikes sleep! I would really love some advice to put a plan together as my head is so cloudy and confused. Please advise if you have experience x

[DifferentNow]

I struggled to stop with DS at around the same time as you. It's such a challenge emotionally and not helped if you are exhausted too. I hear what you're saying about your other DS, I have 3 other DC.

I let it drag out and this wasn't in anybody's best interest. The night time feeds are the ones that need to go first but you need to be consistent. It's so easy to give in when you're all tired and it's an easy option but I got DH on board and until DS got used to the change, DH was the one to get up every time in the night. Once I'd managed to drop the night feeds, it was far easier to stop the day ones and DS quite quickly lost interest.

[Permisson]

I stopped at the same time. We:

• dropped one feed at a time
  
• replaced bedtime feed with a bottle and daddy
  
• replaced night feeds with daddy
  
• nap feed last to drop- did naps in buggy for a bit I think?
  

A strong routine and lots of daddy involvement were the key things. We didn't go straight from BFing to self settling, but he got there gradually (singing/rocking with daddy was inbetween). He's now 3 and sleeps like a log (and has done since I stopped BF really). Good luck!

[PatMDi]

I was in the same situation due to allergy baby boy. Not saying "do this" just "this is what I did" - night feeds were replaced by cuddles only. Three LONG nights then that was established. (Not that he slept through, just stopped expecting fed, was so scared I was starving him or something, but as a good friend said, we all cope with not eating for 12 hours).

[finleymummy]

Thank you for your replies.

Permission - that sounds just like what I am hoping to do, gradual so it isn't tough for either of us, mentally and physically. You say you dropped a feed at a time. Did this include night feeds, so Daddy would go in instead?

Welovecouscous - I do love that closeness too and would like to perhaps keep the bedtime feed for a while, I would be happy with that. I fed my 1st son for 2 years and loved it, I just feel like I've done enough now.

[Permisson]

Yes, dropped bedtime feed first IIRC, then night feed/s, with daddy going in, then morning feed, then nap feed. Did one every few days I think (can you tell my memory is hazy?) and it was very smooth, not much protest from DS really, a lot easier than I was expecting. I wasn't engorged at all either.

The night feeds were the hardest,

Hope it goes well :)

[Permisson]

Oops posted too soon- was saying the need feeds were the hardest- did it when DH was off work, there was some crying, but it was only either one or two nights and it was over and he slept through! DH was always there too so he wasn't left to cry.

[finleymummy]

DS has woken up 3 times last night and I went in and fed him. He seems to settle after the 1st feed but the 2am feed always results in him screaming for a while and Daddy takes over at this point. The other thing I noticed is baby awake and up at 6am which is a lot earlier than the 8am it used to be. Once my other son is up too, that is that, so no going back to sleep. I wonder about taking him to my room at this point to feed and possibly even lie in.

The next step Im planning is to not feed between bedtime and 1am, as a start to cutting out feeds. Any thoughts please ladies? Thank you

[Permisson]

That sounds tiring poor you.

Was thinking of this thread and remembered that I thought it was important to drop the bedtime feed first so DS didn't feed to sleep and then wake up wanting milk because of that. It worked really well so maybe something you could try? Although I know it's sad as the bedtime feed is so lovely and cosy!

[Babyledscreaming]

I am trying to drop feeds for my 14 month as well, but fortunately we have no night feeds. Just morning, pre nap and bedtime. I think getting daddy involved is really helpful. Also changing the day time feeds to you are not feeding to sleep. At bedtime my DD gets breast feed, then teeth brushing, story, into cot awake (sometimes from daddy, apart from the breast feed!)

[finleymummy]

This is a great suggestion and I think I will try this tonight. I really love the bedtime feed and was expecting this one to carry on the longest, but perhaps I can try your method Babyled. I hadn't considered swapping the ritual around like that. DS seems happiest to retire after this feed so it may be a good start to a night, providing he doesn't fall asleep on the breast first. Thanks for this idea.

[finleymummy]

Babyledscreaming I have found reducing day feeds surprisingly easy, with lots of distraction. My daytime is like this now: OH takes baby down to breakfast and gives plenty of filling food such as toast, porridge and fruits which means he doesnt ask for my milk. At morning snack time its in highchair and a beaker of milk is given with snacks. At the moment I offer only a short feed (followed by distraction) late afternoon and a shorter bedtime feed. I am reducing the length of feeds to stop breasts becoming engorged as suggested by someone.

[Babyledscreaming]

Does yours have a prenap feed? My DD does and that's where I am struggling. She knows she is getting it and is desperate and as she is going in her cot next for a nap distraction isn't an option.

[finleymummy]

No, he would try pulling at my top when naptime, but I don't feed as I know he isn't hungry after big lunch. I just take him to the buggy and he falls asleep in there with rocking as usual.