In middle of breast feeding nightmare, my baby is screaming, please help?!!

[mameulah]

Long story short...

We are trying to get our baby to use a bottle instead of my breast. We are trying this for the first time right now. I am supposed to be expressing milk in the living room and our baby is SCREAMING in the bedroom. When I went to investigate our baby is desperately searching for milk on my dh's chest (can't remember the expression for this, my head is scrambled) and is extremely distressed. EXTREMELY DISTRESSED!!! I feel so cruel.

Does anyone have any advice?

Please...

[smk84]

need more info to advise really.... why are you trying to get your baby to take a bottle? could you express while your baby feeds from the other side? are you having other problems?

[smile4me]

mameulah I havne't got ant experience myself (sorry) but have been looking into getting DD to take a bottle. From what I've read, I'd try again when your baby is less hungry. Have a look at www.kellymom.com too, some useful tips!

kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/

[SolomanDaisy]

How old is the baby? Unless there' s an urgent need to bottle feed, go breastfeed your baby and try again when everyone' s more relaxed.

[mameulah]

Thank you for your quick response.

Our baby is a BRILLIANT feeder, no problem ever. The problem is me. I have HUGE boobs and am extremely stressed and embarrassed by feeding in public. I would like to express so I can feed our baby breast milk and still go out and about. This is the first time we have tried this, or anything like it. The plan would be to use breast milk all the time because we have a stock pile of it. And at night and early morning feed him from my breast.

This is awful, any advice would be much appreciated. He sounds soooooooooo SOOOOOOOOO distressed. It is breaking my heart.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Night time is probably not best time to try for first time. Could you not try tomorrow afternoon maybe breast feed a little first so baby isn't starving and then get husband to take over with a bottle?

[BeaWheesht]

Feed your baby tonight.

Don't do anything until you've spoken to someone about all this. Please try not to be embarrassed you are doing an amazing thing. Easier said than done I know.

Feed tonight though, definitely.

[Katla]

There's lots of useful tips on Internet - Kellymom, babycentre to get a bf baby to take a bottle (as my DD 12wks won't either).

One of them is to try it when they are not really hungry though and I can see that makes sense as my DD gets so frantic.

You've not given any details on why you trying this now (necessity right now or??) but if not needed immediately then can you try another time?

[LeChatRouge]

When you do try it might be worth changing positions so he is not rooting for you. Try lying him lengthways along your lap with his head near your knees and bottle feed that way.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

Ok, take a deep breath.

You have lots of ebm (expressed breast milk), so it doesn't matter if you end up dumping a few bottles.

You can breast feed, your baby won't starve!

So just take the pressure off everyone a bit. Have a breast feed, maybe offer the bottle before you'd expect the next feed. Try it during the day perhaps when everyone's a bit less fractious. If it doesn't work, just gently persevere. You're not running back off to work tomorrow or anything, it doesnt' have to be urgent.

And re. hating feeding in public, I would seriously suggest the MN trick of feeding in front of the mirror, you will realise just how little is on show. Try two vest tops - one comes up, one comes down to cover other boob and tummy - and a giant muslin over your feeding shoulder. I didn't have the issue of getting baby to take a bottle, but I did have 2 crap feeders who would only use shields, so I understand about feeling like the world is seeing your boobs. They're not, honest!

[sleepybump]

I would start only when you already have ecpressed milk in supply...not express at he time they need feeding. Go feed your baby, you'll all feel much better for it, do some expressing after/from other boob and start to stockpile ready to begin/try perhaps one or two feeds tomorrow eith the bottle and go from there.

Also agree do some reading up on advise from kellymom tonight instead :)

[mameulah]

Thank you, this is so helpful. We are trying now because my dh works long hours and this is the most convenient time to manage it together as a family. Also, one of the things that makes breast feeding really challenign is that our baby cluster feeds, usually from 9pm until 1am. Using the bottle was supposed to help take the pressure off me. I had a massive meltdown yesterday because I find sitting on teh couch feeding for hours on end really challenging. Please don't judge me, I know all the benefits of breast feeding but I find it exhausing and embarrassing in front of people. I honestly feel like the most selfish Mum ever. I didn't at all anticipate this being so awful.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

Or look into getting one of those Bebe Au Lait breast feeding covers. No-one can see ANYTHING then.

[mameulah]

Thank you everyone!!! Thank you!!! Sorry for being a pain but where on KellyMom is the best advice, I have looked and can't find anything to specifically advise on this issue. My head is mince though right now.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

I am a long way of a bf expert, but I did find with my two (mixed fed) that they would take a bottle but still want loads of boob in the evening, I believe its' something hard wired into babies to keep you close during the evening. DVD box sets, tea on tap, and settle in until htey outgrow it - which they will - seems to be best way to resolve it if you can!

[lemontwist]

I used to express on an evening after DS1 had been put to bed. I got a decent electric pump and set myself up like a milking machine in front of the telly. I would say just feed him now while he seems to really need it and find some quiet time each day to express if you want to build up enough to feed regularly. I found the more often I expressed the more I could collect each time- you need to get your body used to it.

[Katla]

oh dear - my typing was so slow x-posts.

I can understand your reasons too - I'm not that comfy bf in public as mine sprayed everywhere like a sprinkler as make my baby cough and splutter as she almost drowned in milk. Now that's stopped (at 11wks) I think it would be better but I'd still rather not tbh. I think the worst bit is finding somewhere to do it - normally a cafe or something but then I feel so close to other people.

I'd leave it for now - my nerves are normally a bit frazzled at this time of day too. Good luck

[sleepybump]

I dont think anyone here's judging you! Just sounds like you need time to reassess your approach. And as a PP said, maybe try to introduce the bottle when the baby's not actually that hungry, it might help :)

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

And you are NOT the most selfish Mum ever. Bf is hard. Bf a cluster feeder is hard. You are doing something awesome, and you need a bit of a break.
Another option might be to look into safe co-sleeping and feeding lying down, if you could go to bed around 9 and bf/dose until baby goes down might that help? In the nicest possible way, don't worry about perfect evenigns with your DH right now, this phase won't last very long at all!

[FatimaLovesBread]

Could you not try breast feeding at home and bottle feeding EBM when out rather than all bottles?

I think cluster feeding is more to do with regulating your supply rather than hunger so I don't know whether bottle feeding rather than cluster feeding would affect that?

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Don't feel bad!! Ur not selfish. Any breast milk u give your baby is fab. You have done great alteady and if u stolled tomorfkw u woukd still jave done great! So if u use a bottle sometimes to give Urself a break then nO big deal! Feed in whatever way you want and I for one won't be judging :)

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Bad typos sorry - stopped tomorrow

[smile4me]

Try this link (link from page on kellymom website)... you might have to copy and paste into browser as no idea how todo it properly!

www.motherandchildhealth.com/Breastfeeding/Becky/breastfed_bottle.html

Andfor BF in public... have you tried a nursing cover?A friend has one... sort of goes around her neck and covers baby... has a little plastic hoop bit so you can look at baby and keeps cover off their face.

[smile4me]

ooh the link worked!

[smile4me]

Oh and total sympathy for that cluster feeding.... soooo tiring and you just feel trapped! My antenatal group teacher said it can be a sign they're about to sleep through the night so fingers crossed it means good sleeps are coming your way

[MsMarple]

If you are worried about feeding out of the house, even with the two-vest method, then I can recommend one of these with the little hoopy bit so you can look down at your baby and see what's going on latchwise:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/search?rh=n%3A59624031&keywords=Bebe%20Au%20Lait&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21#/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dbaby&field-keywords=breastfeeding+cover&rh=n%3A59624031%2Ck%3Abreastfeeding+cover

Seriously they are great: your boob could be 2ft wide and no-one would see anything!

Sympathies to you for the endless evening feedings too. Have you tried lying down to do it for a change? This evening I've mostly been feeding in my comfy bed with a laptop balanced on my hip, and have also managed to get loads of book reading done too. In fact, when he does eventually only eat at sensible times I think I will miss this solid gold excuse to laze about all evening reading whatever I like and forgetting the washing up!

Hope you find a way for you all to be happy.