Hi everyone, cannot believe we have exchanged over 5000 messages!
mrsn when we shared our locations on here a while back, heff, goat and I all turned out to live near Uxbridge so we met up having met on here. It is lovely, if you are ever down south let us know!
macaroons sounds like we are in the same boat I officially return to work on 15 Feb but that is actually the Friday before half term so only have that day and then another week off before full time return hits. I am lucky that DH is being a SAHD til 1st July so no drop offs, pick ups or worries about the childminder ringing me because babyfunch is ill etc, and she is in great hands with him, much as I have been critical of him til we talked it over recently. However I am worried about being at work on no sleep - I will get in a lot of trouble if I lose my rag with a pupil or indeed a member of my team (one of whom is a pain). I will have to perfect the art of letting some things go (eg uniform issues in the corridor as opposed to in my lessons - I spend a lot of time arguing with pupils about these and intend to stop save for the very worst!) and dealing with others by just reporting bad behaviour to heads of year rather than dealing with it myself. I am head of faculty so will focus just on what happens in lessons in my faculty rather than working quite so hard on having the best corridor behaviour in the school in my area - it is great having that but takes a lot of time, energy and conflict so it will just have to go n the back burner until I am getting proper sleep again. At this rate dd will be in year 7 by then herself and can help me!
First feed here. Me and DH have decided to take the nights in turns so he's in with DD tonight on pull out bed. I don't know why but I feel nervous! Strange when I bf all those weeks alone at night! Hope I get some sleep, would be lovely to think this was a last bottle! I'm sure that will not be the case however!
Funch - I think you're right about sleep deprivation, its an absolute killer. I remember when DD was 5 weeks being terrified of it being nighttime because I knew I'd get no sleep! Its rough. But yep it all passes eventually!
Dp has just given babyloo a bottle with no grizzling or crying-he just had it pretty much, I was amazed!! It's coming up to 24 hours since I last fed him which is really bitter sweet-I wish I'd known it was the last one, I do think there really is no turning back now. My boobs are absolute agony, I've expressed the smallest amount because I want my supply to diminish as fast as possible but its really painful-ive got a towel wrapped around me to prevent leaks and I'm a bit gutted I just tried to cuddle babyloo to sleep and he's rooting like mad, really wish gp's would prescribe a stop the milk pill. Babyloo now asleep with muslin over his face-why I wonder?- which I will remove and try and get some sleep until next feed which I'm guessing will be three or four ish.
Hi everyone, house of bleurgh here, all of us have a virus. Sleep wise ok, stitch is sleeping more due to the virus, got a straight 4.5 hour stretch last night, bliss.
Amey good news about your brother. Hope you are feeling a bit better.
Funch glad it went well. I am in West London too, but further in so could possibly meet with enough notice.
Welcome look, sounds like you have your hands full, now the question is how do you mn while tandem feeding?
MrsN I have days like that, had them with dd1 too. I love them to bits, but sleep deprivation does strange things to you. Some days I think how easy it was before they came along, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It gets easier, once dd1 started walking she was so tired out she slept better. Even now with stitch now 11 months she is starting to sleep better. Just think when they are teenagers we will be having to drag them out of bed! The thoughts are just that thoughts, they are not you or how you feel for your little man, go easy on yourself x
Well done babyloo on taking the bottle, susie you could try herbal ways to reduce your supply. Kellymom has some suggestions.
susie great news on bottle progress - glad to hear perseverance is finally showing some results. I really hope the pain subsides soon.
stitch if you want to pm me your location we can work out whether we can meet up somewhere vaguely convenient for all (unless you want to keep your anonymity, totally understandable if you do). sorry to hear you have a poorly household
We continued with later bedtime but 8:30 rather than 10 and that lead to first feed at 1:30 and second waking just after 3. I have done 40 mins of shh pat with additional white noise (which it turns out stops her crying, yay) but she is wide awake. Have decided to feed again as she only had one boob last time and hoping it will lead to sleep (i know, bad habit but I am knackered way beyond anything!). In fact yes, she has dropped off more or less. So, tonight's lesson - always feed properly instead of aiming to get back to bed! Hoping the swaddle will prevent swift waking now as she does flail in her sleep. Going for transfer....sleepy dust to all
That's brill susie. The pain from boobs is awful isn't it!! The only other thing I could suggest is expressing a bit more & freezing it (we mixed formula & bm) so your doing it more gradually?
Well, babybee has just been happily squealing away in cot! Worrying how happy and awake he is , giving him a bottle now & praying he goes back down as I'm shattered, so far better than last night as he's done 4 solid hours from last feed.
We were supposed to be away at brothers this weekend but we cancelled as we are knackered & DH has exam next Friday & hardly done his revision so we are staying home. I really hope he passes!!
Meant to say earlier. Went to play centre yest with DD and DS did the worst ever poonami ! It came out onto my leggings! When I changed him there was as much poo in nappy as out - his legs,feet, back were covered! Good job I was organised with extra clothes, could've been a disaster! Never seen a poonami like it!!! X
Hello and welcome, look ! I was just thinking a couple of days ago that we didn't have any twins on the thread, and here you are. Also welcome to two more prems - there are still a couple of us here (nice to see you tea ) Kid was born at 31+4. I rather liked your typo about feeding at the sane time... Thought at 2:30 this morning that that really did not count as sane!!
mrsn sorry you are feeling a bit worse at the moment. I really sympathise with the feeling that we don't love our babies. I really thought I didn't in the beginning - I was so busy all through pregnancy, and thought I would spend the last two months after the end of term getting used to the idea of impending parenthood. I had two days. Then I didn't see Kid for another two days, didn't hold him for four, he spent a month in NICU/SCBU where it feels as though you have no rights as the nurses make all the decisions about his day to day care. I think because we have such a rose-tinted view of maternal love thrown at us by our culture, right from when we were little girls with dolls, if we don't measure up to that we think we are failing. But that view has nothing really to do with the reality of an actual baby, and I realised not so long ago that maybe I loved him more than I thought, otherwise I wouldn't have cared that I didn't see him, and I wouldn't have fought to bf for 16 fraught weeks... Etc etc... And of course the lovely squidgy cuddles and big smiles make me entirely soppy, but our brains are much more complex than just going with that, and actually the exasperation in the middle of the night is part of the package! You obviously have a very real kind of love for your LO from all your posts, and that is what counts!
Kid has been on formula for a couple of months now, and I have to say that he continued to feed like a breastfed baby for quite some time - in fact, it's really only in the last couple of weeks that we have started getting a structure. But I think this is probably more to do with his prem digestion, which wouldn't allow him to take enough at one feed to last a particularly long time. Starting weaning seems to have helped settle that a bit, although I am still waiting for it to have a beneficial effect on his sleeping! Last night it took two hours fifteen minutes until 9:15 to put him down (he is usually out of it by seven), then he woke at 12, 12.30, 1:30, and finally 2:30 for good. I'm afraid I was a bad mummy and just took him into my bed and let him thrash around while I dozed a bit and shushed and patted in my sleep. Threatened him with the circus again this morning, but I think he actually quite likes the sound of that we did buy him a jumperoo ultra cheap on eBay which arrived yesterday which he absolutely loves. Hoping it will tire him out! <desperate hopefulness emoticon, with a tinge of wildness around the edges>
Goodness, this is a novel of a post. I shall run away quickly before I ramble on any more. stitch if you fancied meeting that would be lovely!
Thanks so much goat that does make sense, thanks for taking the time to share. I think since he has been born I have been all consumed by my love for him, so these thoughts are awful. My brain is definitely complex that's for sure!!
We managed to get a bit more sleep together in bed. It's snowing again here we have baby group, then I'm popping to my friends with a birthday present. Then I have the hospital this afternoon about my wisdom tooth (it's never ending!!).
I love that while supporting each other we get to offload our own, often so similar, issues. Long posts are fine, I think it is great to get it out of your system on here goat. We all have times when we are too tired to post anything, or more than a quick check in, as well. it's all good!
I have just had the best 2 hour nap in bed with babyfunch, and she managed 40 mins asleep in her cot at 4am, a time which never normally sees her asleep!
I'm still here! Not posted for a couple of days because been too tired to even read posts let alone type, def not due to baby lil's amazing sleeping!
Sorry to hear some are having a rough time but it sounds from your posts that you are amazing mums and this too shall pass.
How long do your babies nap in the day? Baby lil varies and I'm worried she doesn't get enough. If she sleeps on me she will go for up to an hour but if I try to put her down she will go 20mins tops and often wakes up within minutes.
funchum I was induced too and told they don't have g and a on ante natal ward, wondering now if that was true. Glad the meeting went well and hope you feel better for getting it off your chest and being listened to
Think you're right funch, its really good that we can support each other. Lilliana, baby bee naps every 2 hours ish, I've started doing ssh pat & its working very well so I put him down every 2 hours and he does 45 mins to an hour. Prior to this he cat napped on us & screamed whenever we put him down! Xx
I have to have my wisdom tooth taken out really scared about it.
Still feeling crap, came home from hospital and have just cried and cried - I feel like I am in Amey's black hole. I have spectacularly fallen off the WW wagon as I just wanted to eat, my sweet tooth has got the better of me and I don't know if that's due to breast feeding or feeling so low. I feel like a big fat failure who doesn't deserve her perfect little boy because she feels like this instead of just being happy. I phoned my mum but she's not home, and phoned hubby but he was off his break so couldn't really talk. So I'm afraid you guys have to listen to it, sorry
Feeling horribly, horribly guilty about stopping breastfeeding today, babyloo has been really clingy and seems to have seperation anxiety, he hasn't wanted to be put down all day and if he is anywhere near my chest is quite frantic trying to feed. I feel like I've turned him from a really happy little baby to one who is anxious. Last night wasn't great but it was the first night with no boob so I wasn't expecting anything else. He's taken more milk of me today from a bottle which is good and dp is putting him to bed and getting up with him in the night, I don't get anymore sleep though because I'm so anxious and my boots are agony. Spoke to my gp today to see if I can have a prescription and she asked me to stick it out a bit longer. I hate that I used to he able to comfort him with feeding and I've taken that away from him. He did fall asleep with me and a bottle earlier today and slept for nearly two hours but then we were up at four.
On the plus side its really making me laugh that now dp is feeding him and getting up with him he keeps shhhhhhhing everyone and being very quiet, he came down from feeding him last night and looked at the bottle and said 'he's only had 2oz so he'll be up again soon' and then sighed heavily.
Anyway moan over, this too shall pass.
Have good nights everyone and why do we have new smileys
Oh just noticed new smileys- they're Scottish! Burns night! Sorry you are feeling so low mrsn sending you positive thoughts and a big hug. susie I hated it when I couldn't comfort feed him too but it gets better. I still comfort him just by being me! He'll still love you more than anyone because you are his mummy and the smell of you and your voice and your face and all of you are his whole world. I found baby small loves singing so when he's really upset I sing to him whereas before I would have boobed him. He's teething so we've been singing all day!!
Thanks team - I can always count on you and I appreciate it. I feel disappointed in myself that I pigged out - especially when hubby bought home new shoes for me to wear at SILs wedding in 2 weeks!! I know I'm going to feel massive. But the shoes are gorgeous - lots of bonus points to hubby. Little man also made me laugh tonight. I was lifting him up over my head to make him giggle and he was sick in my ear
Ah susie - hugs! I still feel a bit guilty sometimes but I think DS has totally forgot about boob now & I only stopped fully 3 weeks a go! He still wants me over DH a lot of time - which sometimes I feel bad about! Its a shame gp won't give you something as I think having full boobs makes it worse! But it will suddenly just be much less so don't worry xx
Just put babylump down for the night, can't deal with a repeat of last night so have gone back to buggy in living room, feeling like a bit of a bad mummy for not being able to get her to sleep in her crib, almost like I'm cheating using the buggy but I just can't cope with such a tiny amount of sleep especially knowing the buggy usually works even on a bad night.
Oh mrsn sending you the biggest hugs I can possibly send. I think goat put it really well, motherhood in the early days is such a jumble of emotions but society only seems to show the rosey side as acceptable despite it often being far from the truth. You clearly adore your DS, the depression will not last forever, you are a wonderful mummy xx
susie hope you start to feel more comfortable soon.
stitch if you do ever fancy a RL coffee we'd love to meet you.
I need sleep tonight, tomorrow I'm going to a concert that I've been looking forward to for months so I'll be gutted if I fall asleep in the interval! It will be my first time leaving babylump over bedtime, the freezer is stocked with ebm but I'm a bit worried about how my boobs are going to cope with the extended break