Those BF older children- I need your tips!(17 Posts)
DD1 is driving me bonkers! If she had her way we would spend the entire day on the sofa, breastfeeding. Obviously I have other things to do than sit under a child all day. I keep hearing about these older children that only ask at bedtime, but mine asks every chuffing 5 minutes and it's wearing me down.
I don't want to stop completely because I want her to self-wean but I don't want to end up resenting her. Any tips for cutting down? I was thinking of having a schedule or times of day when I will BF her- anyone had any luck with that sort of thing? TIA
She is 4yo next week btw. And I don't think she's ill or anything like that because she's always been like this.
Hi eau, I am still bf dd2 who will be 4 in a few weeks. At this stage she has a feed at bedtime and in the morning.
She used to be like your dd, asking all day. I was exhausted because I felt I couldn't sit down for a minute without her pestering for a feed. She was still waking for a quick feed up to when she was 3.
I hated being short tempered with her about it and I knew she wasn't ready to stop completely but when she turned 3 I bought her a special toy and told her from then on we would only have 'mi mi' at bedtime and in the morning.
She accepted it straight away and we have continued like that for a year. I think she was really worried that it would just stop so once she knew the boundaries she was fine about it.
Would that work for your dd?
The toy I got her was this www.amazon.com/Vulli-Chan-Gnon-Natural-Rubber/dp/B001T7PO0Y .
Hoping to cut the morning feed in the next few weeks so by 4 she will just have a feed at bedtime.
The toy is the blue one.
My DD was like this - just stopped feeding her at three years old
Distraction and not sitting on the sofa worked at times but she was very determined and like a newborn
Would a sticker chart help?
Am open to pretty much any ideas at the moment! A sticker chart worked well for her with potty training but I'm normally too disorganised for them and not sure how to implement it in this case- would you give a sticker every time they went an hour without pestering you?
Not sure if a special toy would work, she's got
too bloody many tons of toys already and I don't really want to buy any more. I wonder if she'd go for some books instead.
I think I will go for the set times (unless she falls over or hurts herself), at the moment I keep saying 'in a minute' which means nothing to a 4 yo. Mind you, we've had the same morning routine for ages- we come downstairs, I have breakfast (she never wants anything) and then we sit on the sofa and I BF her. But she stills pesters me even though she knows this is how it goes and I have to spend my entire breakfast being asked 'are you finished yet?'
Just say no? I ask my 2.5 year old if she is thirsty and get her a drink, I also tell her boobies are tired.
(fed other one for 4 years, not anti long term BF, but DD asks because she wants a drink)
It sounds patronising, but have you tried talking to her? When dd was nearing 3 and upping bfing in the way you describe, I talked to her about the bfing relationship, explained that there were times when I was and wasn't happy to feed her.
At nearly 4 they should easily understand compromise, negotiation, time etc. 'In 15 minutes' might not mean a lot to her but 'after lunch' or 'before we go to x place' will if she is used to routine in other ways. DD wasn't much older than 4 when she started school. BFing in the way you describe it would have been untenable and certainly when she was nearing 3 and feeding almost constantly I was exhausted.
DD happily negotiated terms and we decided together that bfing was an in bed only activity. No tears, no fuss, no begging.
Thanks, needanswers. I do say no and offer food and/or a drink but she still keeps asking. I think it's different when they get older and are more verbal.
My older one was using it almost as a form of control, so in the end I had to be harsh, I am currently pregnant and I think DD is using feeding as a way of understanding my changing body shape, she is def wanting to feed more as I get larger.
Nim- yes, I have tried talking to her and it works for a while but then she slips and goes back to asking all the time again. Think I've just got an extra-determined child
I have just started the 10 second rule with my nearly 3 year old ds. I count to ten and then he stops. I can't believe it works but it does!
DS is younger, but I've found recently that having a chart of our morning routine has really cut down on the pestering.
We don't have an issue with bf, but despite having had the same sequence of events for months and months, DS has kept nagging me to do things in a different order, which doesn't work for us. I've printed and laminated a list of the things we do in the mornings (including clip art pictures) and I give it to him when he gets up. He can work his way through the list and tell me what's happening next.
I like it because it's non-negotiable and it prevents me always saying 'no' to things. I can tell him to look at the list and tell me what's going to happen next, or what other things have to happen before the thing he wants. You could use that sort of thing at any point in the day.
Might using a timer help at times like breakfast?
Offering an alternative like a cuddle with a book at certain points might help too.
Do you remember me? You gave me lots of support when I was struggling with nd while pregnant, haven't been on for a while.
Is it made harder by having a dd2 do you think? Because we stopped daytime feeds before dd2 was born and that was hard enough, I imagine if she had seen her little sister nursing it would have been even worse. I did just say no, but gradually changed the boundaries, eg started with no feeds when out and about, then from 9-3 and gradually extended, so once she got used to the idea I made the time frame longer. But it was quite hard, had to get out and about loads, never sit down etc. I used lots of snacks or warm cows milk as distractions too.
We did night wean since dd2 was born and that was also pretty hard for first 3 nights, especially when she was crying for milk and her little sister woke and just had some, I felt very mean! But it was just a case of keep saying no, and eventually we got there. And I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. So she only feeds morning and evening for a few seconds, and nowadays she never asks any other time. It does sound like you have a very determined dd, but remember that's a good thing!
Good luck. When I look back to the horrid days of feeding during pregnancy, they seem like nothing, it will pass.
And remember, you have given your daughter such a solid base of love and affection, she will be able to far better deal with any disappointment or hurt she feels.
Hi Loopyloo, yes I remember you! Didn't I meet you at an LLL meeting? I think you were only just expecting DD2 then. Thanks for your kind words.
Well, I had a chat with DD1 and told her she could only have booby 4 times in a day (she immediately replied 'no, three'. Let's hope her haggling skills improve) and decided on times when she can have it. There's been a
lot bit of foot-stamping and hmph-ing but so far, so good. She's taken to it better than I expected. I guess we just needed a plan and I wasn't sure where to start, but winging it seems to be working so far, just like the rest of my parenting
Thanks to everyone that replied and gave their ideas. Fingers crossed it's going to make things easier for me and I won't end up going bonkers, at least not this week!
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