Breastfeeding: Public SHAME in the parent-and-child feeding room

[morningpaper]

Baby was SCREAMING HYSTERICALLY in the pram so I thought I'd take her into the parent and child room in Boots to give her a feed. We get into the room and there are two smiley mothers quietly bottle feeding on chairs. I whip out my boob and try to latch baby on - she arches her back and continues to SCREAM!!!! The screaming goes on and on echoing off the walls while I try and shove said boob into her mouth begging her to feed - arching/screaming continues. I am now so HOT and my cheeks are BRIGHT RED under the gaze of the two bottle-feeding mums with their nice babies, I am sure I feel 8 eyes boring into me wondering why I am suffocating my poor baby who clearly doesn't want my dreadful milk. So I stand up and walk up and down the room with arching/screaming monster, giving everyone an eyeful of my horrific jelly belly and naked breast. I beg and plead with infant to latch on and shut the fuck up. Screaming continues. I remove baby from breast and baby is instantly calm and happy and cooing at the other mothers/well-behaved babies. I am now half-naked and bright red. Mother1 says "Ooh isn't she tiny" which - of course I am now totally paranoid - I hear as "Your shit milk is starving her" and then baby starts crying again so I attempt latch-on and another 10 minutes of arching/screaming. I am now so hot and sweaty. Then I make small talk with my own three-year-old: "Ooh look there's a bottle warmer like the one your Barbie's got" - FUCK now I've said THE WRONG THING and the other mums will hate me and my stupid breast is waving around in the air with the arching/starving monster hollering again. So it's now been 20 minutes and I decide to give this up as a bad job and attempt to bundle baby in pram, but then I'm stuck because I can't reverse past the other mums 4X4 buggies so I cause an enormous scene while saying "I'm terribly sorry" about 500 times before I finally leave the place into the COOL AIR with now mysteriously happy baby.

I MUCH preferred it when I just went to work during the week.

[hunkermunker]

Oh noooo - you poor thing! PMSL at your last line though - God, much easier wasn't it?!

Aren't babies odd?!

[emkana]

Heartfelt sympathies.

If it's any consolation I found myself in the pedestrian area of my local town with a fully exposed chest after unsuccessfully trying to breastfeed dd1 who was about three months at the time and screaming/arching back etc.

It really is no fun at all in those moments, but luckily they are few and far between.

[Tinker]

At least your milk wasn't spraying out at the same time. Or was it...?

[Gillian76]

Been there too morningpaper

Hope you're OK now.

[Caligula]

Sorry, but pmsl!

[harpsichordcarrier]

oh GOD been there done that with dd1 in the restaurant at some NT place with a gazillion tweedy women staring dissapprovingly
sweat pouring off me
lol at "me and my stupid breast" tho

[HappyNewFrannyandZooey]

Oh no, and also LOL at this tale of woe. I had a great one last year, went into the feeding room at Toys R Us to feed ds who was 2 and a bit. Felt a bit apprehensive because some people find it very weird to see a toddler breastfeeding. Luckily there was just a lovely American woman feeding her newborn and we had a good chat. She was a bit surprised to see me feeding an older child, but asked questions and I felt like I was being this ambassador for extended breastfeeding.

Got myself together to leave, feeling all smug and full of maternal wisdom, went to put ds back in the hip sling to continue shopping and absolutely WHACKED his head on the ceiling - cue hysterical crying necessitating another feeding session.

She was very kind and said "Well it certainly did comfort him easily...."

[Posey]

Don't know whether to laugh or cry...
Poor you. Been in similar situation too, character building, makes you a better parent for experiencing it...

[yoyo]

You poor thing! I think there is something about Boots parent and child rooms (the awful smell maybe) as I've had lots of refusals with mine in them.

[poppiesinaline]

Oh am PMSL at these stories. Tears are rolling down my face. Oh, the pictures I have in my head!

[kiskidee]

maybe this its why its much better to whip out your norks anyplace you can park your backside.

[MerlinsBeard]

ds2 did that to me in a boots p&c room too. super screamer he was and i too had to cope with contented 3/4 wk old bottle fed baby and super slim make up wearing swanky change bag mum

ds2 screamed and arched, ds1 was good as gold luckily but i couldn't get ds2 back in trolley then couldn't get out of the room b'coz the other mums coach of a pushchair was in the way, wriggled out dripping wet, got half way to the bus stop and realised that not only was my boob still hanging out for the world to see but i was leaking to

[Caligula]

I remember being in the middle of Orpington High Street, screaming baby, tried to feed him but after a bit he started screaming his head off because there was too much milk, so as I took my nork away from his mouth there was just this fountain of milk going all over the pavement while he screamed and a startled old lady stood and stared looking as if she wanted to say something but didn't dare...

[morningpaper]

All these stories made me laugh! Especially HappyNewFrannyandZooey whacking her poor child's head on the ceiling!!! Thanks ladies!

[mandymac]

Shopping with DD on Tuesday and went to feeding room in John Lewis. There was another lady in there feeding a newborn and her mum was with her. So I get DD latched on, but she constantly pops off, turns her head and grins at the other ladies mum, leaving me with my ginormous nork and nipple waving in the breeze . She's only 6 months too, but a very friendly (and nosey) madam.

[TheholyGHOSTY]

MorningPaper ... that is one of the BEST written posts I have EVER seen on Mumsnet ....
It MUST be put in the next book ... if there is one HQ????
PMSL ... Brilliant ...
Brought back awful memories of when DS was tiny too ... especially the hot and sweaty thing and begging baby to shut the F up
Didn't have the problem with DD as NZ is a much more Bfing friendly place and by that time I didn't care if the prime minister of NZ herself was in the room
Also PMSL at the term Norks ... where did that come from?

[mandymac]

I picked up the term 'nork' from mumsnet of course, along with the handy phrases 'has she been norked yet', 'are you going to nork her' etc etc

[HellyBelly]

Poor you morningpaper, I so remember similar experiences when I bf my ds - especially feeling hot and sweaty and as if everyone was looking and laughing at me! Hope you are feeling better now! Funny I came across this post actually as I was thinking about you 10 mins ago (was wondering whether or not to email you for some advice about problem with client - web stuff!)

Anyway, take care and agree with TheholyGHOSTY - that was the best written post I've ever read on here and although I really feel for you, I was rofl!

[expatinscotland]

'ds2 did that to me in a boots p&c room too. super screamer he was and i too had to cope with contented 3/4 wk old bottle fed baby and super slim make up wearing swanky change bag mum '

i was that mum! but inside i was jealous that bfing didn't work out for me and dd1.

things aren't always what they seem.

now i haven't bf'd dd2 publicly . . . yet. still in the stage where we need lots of pillows and to get set up and all.

[misdee]

i think babies dont like the lighting in parent and baby room, wel lthats what i tell myself as i settle down to feed whilst have a drink at the cafe.......

[QueenVictoria]

Oh poor you MP!

But PMSL at your story telling

I have had this myself, milk-a-spraying and all. Many people have seen my norks a flapping because of my DS and his keeness to coo at total strangers.

[Cha]

PML at all these stories. Feel I have to add my own... DD aged four months and me on a train to visit best friend. Two totally delightful and pretty and elegantly dressed young Argentinian women, students at London uni. They cooed over dd and we talked about S American literature etc etc, too lovely. Then dd began to fuss so I thought, here goes, whip the old nork out (LOVE that word) and continue the conversation as if nothing was happening. Two said students remained composed and friendly, a credit to their undoubtedly good breeding. Everything fine. Then just as I feel that rush of milk coming in, dd decides she wants to have a look again at the lovely, elegantly dressed young women. Unplug and arc of milk spattering straight onto the (I'm sure very expensive) snakeskin jacket of nearest and most lovely young lady. To this day I know not if she noticed - to her credit, if she did she remained exquisitely well bred and didn't bat an eyelid. I thought about wiping the milk of said jacket but decided that it would only Draw Attention and pretended it hadn't happened. Still makes me laugh to this day.

[2Happy]

PMSL!

Sad thing is, having given birth, most of us probably really literally ARE PMSL!!

[motherinferior]

As my darling sister once pointed out consolingly to me, babies aren't very bright.

Little bugger.