How to get over the disgust

[JulieF]

Well maybe disgust is too harsh a word but I couldn't think of any other way to put it.

Basically I am expecting my second child. My first was formula fed because despite all the asthma/eczema etc. in my family I couldn't get my head round having to have a baby hanging off my breast. I was also given some rubbish advice along the way both by family and midwives.

My family are all ardent bottle feeders so I know I will get no support whatsoever. Does anyone have any strategies or techniques how I can get over this psychologically? Do you think I should treat it as a phobia and do hypotherapy or something?

[misdee]

ignore them!!!! do whatevers best for u and your baby. breastfeeding is a skill u have to learn, there are many people to turn to for help with breastfeeding, remember its the most natural thing in the world. breasts are not there for sexual reasons (tho men will tell u otherwise) but are for feeding children. i dont have any names or numbers for u to ring get in touch with etc, but i'm sure someone else will have. and remember we are always here for support!!

[Gem13]

I can't add much advice re strategies, etc. but wanted to say that when DS was born and was beautiful, fit and healthy I was so proud that I had looked after him so well for the duration of the pregnancy. When I was breast feeding him I felt the same. Before he was born I knew I wanted to feed him, felt it was the best thing to do, etc. but still didn't feel completely at ease for a long time and would have loved to have handed him over to DH if it hadn't been for my principles! He carried on thriving, and being the best baby ever though and it was all down to me

He got to a year and then I switched to beakers of cow's milk. I'm very proud of how I helped him get off to a good start and would recommend (not force!) anyone to do the same.

Hope this helps without sounding like preaching. I think you're on the way there wanting to do it already.

[Wills]

Like both the others I don't want to come across as preeching. BFing can be hard at first and if you're not sure then possibly you're simply setting yourself up for a fall iyswim ! The best thing here is a happy mum and a happy baby and whatever combination brings that is the best! However for me the idea of my dd2 hanging off a cows teat (and for most of the powdered milk that is the basis) has so far kept me going despite latching on problems, one breast not performing so well and now thrush! I feel that I can do far better at providing for my baby than a cow although as I was bottle fed I know there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding.

[SoupDragon]

Ignore your family and give it a go. You never know, you might just enjoy it! Set yourself a reasonable target like 6 weeks which should get you past the difficulties at the beginning and give your baby a pretty good start whatever you decide to so in the end.

Mixed feeding may work for you - you could breastfeed only in private if this helps you with the "disgust" you feel (no audience = no negative comments or looks).

Maybe phone the NCT breastfeeding help line for a chat with a breastfeeding counsellor.

You could try hypnotherapy if you feel this would help. It certainly helped me get my head round going through labour again after a difficult 1st time.

Read some books which have photos of breastfeeding in to help you see how natural it is, how discrete it can be if you really want it to be and to learn about the mechanics of how your body is set up to provide the prefectly designed food for your baby.

Good luck!

[aloha]

Agree with the advice of others. Read up on all the advantages to give yourself that extra bit of motivation. Call the NCT breastfeeding line - you will not be the first woman in the world to think like this! Also agree that you will almost certainly feel much better feeding in private esp while family are around. You will also get a lot of support here if you want it. You could also attend a breastfeeding support group with a breastfeeding counsellor at your local hospital to find out more and have a 'cheerleader' for your efforts. Good luck! When's the baby due?

[RedKa]

I agree with the other messages - talk to a breastfeeding counsellor or find a local support group now so that you can meet other mums and put yourself in a situation where breastfeeding is the done thing. Don't forget you are doing what you think is the best thing for your baby, not your family! Good luck.

[zebra]

I decided that breasts were multipurpose, they feed the baby, they keep my man happy. This may seem odd... but think how many sexual things you can do with your hands; doesn't make hands exclusively sexual parts of your body. Preparing the evening meal or writing a cheque are not sexual acts, just because you used your hands to do these things, too. Just because your bottom is handy for sitting on chairs doesn't make the act of sitting on a chair sexual.

Some people don't like the idea of expressing a bodily liquid ; do you ever think how much spit is in your mouth when you eat? If you did, you couldn't bring yourself to eat anything ever again could you? Too gross. You can choose not to think about it, though. As far as the baby is concerned, breastfeeding is just eating.

Plus, we as a society make different rules for babies, they get to do different things in public. If I turned bright red in public & s**t in my pants, it'd be outrageous. Baby does it, and we all think it's funny they just filled their nappy so unashamedly.

[SoupDragon]

ROFL!

[Wills]

Zebra - your last line is superb!

[pupuce]

I think it is also a question of role models and you don't seem to have any... is there a BF support group where you live ? If so you could attend a meeting and just see/chat ! Maybe befriend s breastfeeder... it will come to a stage where you will wonder why do people bottle feed ??? IYKWIM

My 3yo DS keeps BF my DD's doll! He doesn't know bottles exist I think !

To find a BF support you coulad ask your MW or the NCT or LLL or ABM locally.

[Mocha]

Where abouts in the country are you Julie?

[Wills]

Pupuce - my dd1 is currently helping herself to my breast pads and wonders around the house with either a pad or a dolly strapped to her chest. Last I saw they were over her tummy button .

[JulieF]

Thanks everyone for the non judjmental support. To be honest I don't think its a sexual thing, I don't like anyone touching my breasts in any capacity, except me. Its more of a parasitic feeling.

I am now involved in my NCT (branch sec) so I do have lots of b/f friends which is more than I had when dd1 was born. The first time I saw anyone b/f was when she was 3 months old.

I HAVE to at least try this time if just to avoid the awful guilt I felt last time. Last time I intented to b/f until I was about 20 ish weeks pg then I started to have these awful nightmares about it which only stopped when I decided not to try. I am now 16 weeks and they havn't started yet but I need to find a strategy if they do to get over that hurdle.

I hope to be posting again in about 6 months time saying how wonderful a feeling it is!

[misdee]

dont feel guilty. as long as you and your baby is happy, thats all that matters.

[prufrock]

I know what you mean about the "parasitic" feeling - I was exactly the same before having dd. I used to get really freaked out by this huge "thing" that was living in my body and squirming around my belly like something out of alien. Although I always knew I would bf, there were times when I felt like I didn't want to continue having my body used. And then dd was born, and it honestly felt liek the most natural thing in the world for her to just snuggle into my breast. I fed until she was 11 months, and part of the reason I stopped (apart from dd deciding it was to much like hard work) was that those feelings of her using me body returned. I think it was a problem for me only when she had got older and so was like a little person.
Try it for a few days, and if you do get feelings of revulsion, don't feel too bad about stopping.

[tiktok]

I'm a bit uncomfortable about hearing people tell others what not to feel, sorry

I think telling someone not to feel bad and not to feel guilty - while meant to be supportive ane encouraging, I know - goes against someone's right to feel what they genuinely feel!

It is ok to feel revulsion and still carry on doing something - for love, or because of deciding to let our knowledge (of the positives of bf) overcome a more gut reaction.

I know many women who have stopped bf (because of many reasons) and feel guilty for doing so. It is not up to me or anyone else to tell them not to feel guilty. Of course, guilt may not be the most 'appropriate' response - anger, disappointment, sadness, regret may be a more accurate reaction, as guilt implies self-blame, and women who don't breastfeed have nothing (rationally) to blame themselves for. That doesn't stop them feeling as if it's their fault, though.

I have known women who are scared to voice negative feelings about having stopped bf, because people are just a bit too keen to tell them it doesn't matter, and all that matters is they and their babies are happy....well, to them it does matter, and they are not happy formula feeding, and they have a right to feel ambivalent.

Please, I am not criticising these genuine efforts to support other mothers, which come from the right place in the heart. But lets try and think them through

[rainbow]

Not much I can add really. Just remember, unhappy mum = unhappy baby.
I was a bottle fed baby, but all 3 Ds were b/f bittle did my no harm but I felt that my milk was created to feed my baby, a cow's milk (basis for nearly every formula)was created for a calf. Good Luck Julief

[rainbow]

Not much I can add really. Just remember, unhappy mum = unhappy baby.
I was a bottle fed baby, but all 3 Ds were b/f. bottle did my no harm but I felt that my milk was created to feed my baby, a cow's milk (basis for nearly every formula)was created for a calf. Good Luck Julief

[rainbow]

Not much I can add really. Just remember, unhappy mum = unhappy baby.
I was a bottle fed baby, but all 3 Ds were b/f. bottle did my no harm but I felt that my milk was created to feed my baby, a cow's milk (basis for nearly every formula)was created for a calf. Good Luck Julief

[rainbow]

Not much I can add really. Just remember, unhappy mum = unhappy baby.
I was a bottle fed baby, but all 3 Ds were b/f. Bottle did my no harm but I felt that my milk was created to feed my baby, a cow's milk (basis for nearly every formula)was created for a calf. Good Luck Julief

[AussieSim]

All the motivation I really needed was considering the work involved with the bottles. Washing, sterilising, mixing, heating, carrying around (plus the cost). I think I am just naturally lazy in the kitchen (my dh would vouch for that ). I heard another mum say today that when her baby gives a squeak in the night she leaps out of bed and goes to the kitchen to prepare a bottle, only to find when she has it ready that the baby fell back to sleep - (and there she is wide awake with a bottle of milk to be thrown out and an extra bottle to clean etc.) It made me think again for the millionth time how convenient breastfeeding is.

[MariaC]

I tried breastfeeding for the first month , it was a horriable experiance , I had the positon correct !! before anyone goes on about that old chestnut .
I had cracked and bleeding nipples , every time Joel wanted feeding it felt like I was going into battle ,I made the decision to stop . It took alot , the health visitor was not very helpfull on how to actually do it without getting mastitis

To do it get a breast pump , electric ones are gentler than manual , and then express only the amount that gets rid of any hardness or lumps , you can give the expressed milk to your baby via a bottle .
I managed to stop totally in a week but take it at your own pace and dont feel guilty , they wouldn't be allowed to sell formula if it was no good for babies

[jennifersofia]

I just wanted to say well done to you, Julief, for being brave enough to talk about it and also that it is great that you are trying to go beyond yourself and deal with this issue, it can't be easy. I had other sorts of b/f problems to you, but what was a great lifesaver to me was having a 1 to 1 chat with a good b/f counsellor (it took me a little while to find a good one). Keep persisting! I have to say I didn't find La Leche helpful at all - quite righteous. It sounds maybe that this is a more deep seated emotional /psychological issue for you, and maybe talking to a normal (not specifically b/f) counsellor would be helpful.

[AliO]

Another thing to bear in mind is how good breastfeeding is for the mother - as well as helping the uterus shrink it is also linked to reducing chances of breastcancer.

[AussieSim]

MariaC
I know breastfeeding in the beginning is tough and I was all prepared a couple of times to switch to formula without feeling guilt, so don't take this the wrong way, but your comment: 'they wouldn't be allowed to sell formula if it was no good for babies' has been haunting me. Not because I'm suspicious of formula, but it made me think about all the things that consumers have been sold that did/does harm them. The no.1 I thought of was cigarettes, then I started thinking faulty IUD's, leeking silicone breast implants, thalidomide (sp?). I just worry about people who are so trusting of the system. What about mad cow - apparently they suspected a problem 10years before the first official death from it. Sorry but I just had to get it off my chest.