help - 5 minute feeds and no sleep!

[mummydreamer]

I have a 19 week old who is still waking up 4-5 times in the night for feeds and who feeds for very short periods during the day. He tends to feed for five minutes then pull off and becomes quite tetchy. When he naps it is usually for 15-20 minutes and he does this 3-4 times during the day. I'm really struggling with a} the lack of sleep at night and b} the lack of routine.

This is my second baby and I feel like I'm failing on the whole feeding/sleeping issue. Any advice would be gladly received!

Incidently he's a gorgeous, happy boy who seems to be growing fine .

[rebeccabits]

i have a 12 week old who does the same thing and i am shattered. Does your little boy use a dummy as i have just gone cold turkey on my little boy using a dummy as we had taught him that he could'nt go to sleep without it, so when my ds woke in the night he had to have his dummy to go back to sleep which was resulting in me getting up and down all night for his dummy. since the withdrawal he is only waking when he is hungry which is about once a night

[mummydreamer]

Very interesting...... Last night, for the first time ever, he only woke up twice . He went back to sleep without his dummy and I forgot to put it in. I wonder whether your dummy dependence theory may apply in our case! Hope you got some sleep too.

[alux]

yes sounds like dummy dependence... its called a negative sleep association - for you that is. My dd's was breastfeeeding to sleep. Just last week I broke her dependency (she is also 19 wks and I am back at work on Monday) It only took 2 naptimes in one day to do it at her age. I used methods based on cc to do it.

She was already getting used to a cuddly blankie (a terry nappy) which she has replaced the bf to sleep with. I put 2 in her cot next to her head and she can find them on her own at night. they smell of milk so put one next to your body to get the odour. It also cured her 3-4 time wakings after 12am. I guess this is a positive sleep association since it gets me to stay in bed longer periods.

I think if you solve the dummy issue it will also solve the napping issue too.

[mummydreamer]

Sorry Alex - what are the "methods based on CC" you refer to?

[alux]

I bought a copy (second hand) off amazon about sleeping problems in children by Richard Ferber. Not that dd had any at the time but I thought it was a handy read in the future maybe.

It explained really well how to get rid of sleeping associations.

lots of threads here on MN if you search 'controlled crying' (eek, I hate the sound of it even) and sleep associations.

I was never sure how to do it by reading posts and the book made me feel confident to do it right.

[mummydreamer]

Ah - controlled crying - fills me with horror but perhaps it can't be any worse than the total exhaustion ! Will give the Ferber book a bash and see what happens. Thanks!

[Miaou]

mummydreamer,a few suggestions to increase the lenght of his feeds (which you may be doing already!):

When he pulls off during the day, try burping him and putting him back on.

If he falls asleep after only five minutes feed and you want him to take more, try massaging his hands (often wakes 'em up). Or, strip off his clothing and put him back on - being slightly cooler (not cold) will make him more alert.

You could also try changing his nappy mid-feed, then putting him back on.

Is he easily distracted when feeding? If so, have you tried feeding him in a dim light/quiet environment with no stimulus? May be difficult I know if you have another little one around.

You don't say how many times he is feeding during the day - I assume it is "little and often" - in which case, can you hold him off for as long as possible, so that he is pretty hungry rather than just "topping up".

Ds was doing exactly the same as yours, and the above things are what worked for me - however my ds is only 4 weeks so I suspect that your problems may have different causes to my ds. Anyway, hope some of this is of use.

[Roxswood]

You are not failing, this is totally normal behaviour for his age.
My little one is 14 months and wakes frequently too, but we co-sleep and she feeds and snuggles in to me and we all get enough sleep so it doesn't matter. I'm happy to continue to provide what she needs, I know its an investment for her future happiness.
The previous poster has some good ideas, but I would highly recommend reading The NO-CRY sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley for some gentle ways to help your child learn to sleep longer at night, personally I think Ferber's techniques are way too harsh.

[Magscat]

Have a look at this thread. Not sure if it's the same but there's some info and some links that might help.

You have my sympathies. It's really hard isn't it? DD was/is like this too. Easier now she's 8 months and on 3 meals a day but she still doesn't sleep well.

HTHxxx

[mummydreamer]

Have now got thrush on nipples (big ow!) which is making longer feeds agony however I am determined to try and sort this out and continue breastfeeding and will be putting your tips into action.

Miao - have tried to end the topping up scenario and it's getting better. Roxwood - we end up co-sleeping anyway just so I get some sleep. I would prefer him to be in his crib though - I have a waterbed and am paranoid about him getting suffocated (hence him sleeping on top of duvet in a grobag surrounded by cushions and his Dad in the spare room!)

I guess all children are different and I had it easy with dd1!

[motherpeculiar]

hi Mummydreamer - sorry to hear this - we are going through a similar thing with DD2 and I have just got a loan of the book Alux referred to by Ferber (was actually just going to post to see if anyone had used the techniques sucessfully on such a young child when i saw this thread). although I think I will also try to find out a bit more about the no cry solution that roxswood suggested. If I didn't have to go back to work i would be fairly happy to keep going in this haphazard way as i do quite like the co-sleeping and night snuggles but I can't function professionally.

It is hard isn't it. Good luck anyway (sorry not to have any helpful advice to offer btw)