I hate breastfeeding....(41 Posts)
Need to rant....I HATE breastfeeding. My DD is 4 weeks old and it feels like all I have done for four weeks is sit on the sofa with my breasts out.I'm sick of the sight of them. I have no freedom from 5-10 every night when she cluster feeds and again from 5am until 11am most days, plus all the feeds in between. I can't get comfortable doing it and require a full complement of pillows to get her to have a decent latch. It dominates our relationship - I feel I spend so much time feeding her and being in pain I have no space left to love and enjoy her. I'm sick of daytime telly and eating with one hand or not at all. I need to sleep.....
I prefer changing nappies to breastfeeding!
I know it will get easier - I can't bear to fail at anything otherwise I would have quit days ago....
If anyone else feels this way please add your rant!
THe first 6 weeks are the hardest and you are nearly there. Have you tried using a sling? With practise you will be able to feed baby whilst walking etc and doing other things. It does get easier honestly.
I feel the same way - it's exhausting isn't it. I never realised quite how all-consuming and restrictive it would be.
My DD is 6 weeks old and a good sleeper at night times but I find day-time a real challenge. But like you I am determined to stick with it for as long as I can.
It really is tough, but it does get better and soon you'll be complaining that your DD doesn't feed for long enough for you to properly put your feet up during feeds.
Can you get someone to help you with latch/positioning - if it's still painful, they might be worth checking - and show you how to feed lying down? If you can co-sleep even a bit at night, you would be amazed how you can get to the point of dozing through feeds. Even if you don't drop off, it's much more restful than forcing yourself to stay awake in a chair.
I think it's normal at this stage to feel like there's no time to love or enjoy your baby. I felt like that, and my DS wasn't a cluster feeder or very frequent feeder.
You're doing a great job.
I felt like that with both of mine. I hated having to sit down all the time, faff about with pillows and have to wear suitable tops to bf in. Drove me up the bloody wall. Certainly not a bonding experience!
Can you express a bit so you can have some freedom? Looking back I wish I'd got a double pump and expressed like a maniac so I had some flexibility. BF was fine when it was on my terms and I was happy to do it in public but being so restricted got me down. I would be happily bf toddlers if I hadn't cracked at 4 months both time.
It is awful for the first few weeks, but think of the calories, think of the sense of achievement, think of the breast cancer rates, think of the hassle of sterilising bottles and warming them up at two in the morning (a mate of mine has just been to hospital after scalding herself in an ill-judged 4am bottle heating incident ). Oh and apparently it's good for the baby as well, you might not have heard that.
Order a DVD boxset from Amazon and a large chocolate cake and keep on at it.
I hated bf too. I had no problems doing it with either child. I just hated it. I did it because it's the best start for your baby blah blah blah. Ds was very considerate and refused me from 3 months but dd wouldn't take a bottle until she was 7.5 months. It does get easier as the baby regulates itself and you find positions that are comfortable - have you tried holding your baby like a rugby ball? With dd I could feed her from one side the 'traditional' across your front way but had to hold her like a rugby ball on the other side. I almost liked feeding from that side as it meant I could do the hoovering, cook dinner, play with ds while feeding.
So stop then ,if its stressing you out that much
I hated it too and wrote something very similar with both mine. It really does get easier and the feeds become shorter, they stop cluster feeding. I confess that I don't think I ever really liked doing it but after I think 4 months it did become tolerable. Mind you, when I had my second I did look back fondly on being able to sit down and feed and just watch crap on tv for hours which was impossible with the second.
Can you treat yourself to some good dvds? I used to watch hours of dvds rather than daytime tv which is rubbish.
The latch will become easier as well and you won't need all the cusions before long. I did keep using my cusion though as it meant I could eat/mumsnet whilst feeding no handed.
Ooh can I join?
Things I hate about breastfeeding include the sheer bloody length of time it takes, sitting endlessly waiting for dd to finish and then rushing round like an idiot trying to get things done before she needs to feed again. Being trapped under her when she feeds herself to sleep and knowing if I move she'll wake and won't go back to sleep. Bloody day time tv- I have an actual allergy to Bargain Hunt now and find myself muttering abuse at SkyNews (though actually that last bit isn't new). I hate, hate, hate the cheesy bras . I hate dh seeing me with a breast pump on each boob looking like a low rent specialist porn star. But mostly I hate the fact that breastfeeding now mediates my relationships with both my dd and my dh. I'm upset because it feels like my dd just sees me as lunch whereas she smiles and giggles at other people who are more fun. I hate also that the fact of breastfeeding puts me so far in the category of 'primary carer' that I've begun to feel grateful to him when he cares for her, rather than it just being his damn turn. I also know he hates that too. That said there are things I really like about it too, so I'm conflicted.
I found it awful for the first 6 weeks.
15 weeks now and love it, absolutely love it, particularly now ds's reflux is under control and he is happy to feed.
I ffed ds1 after vgiving up at a few weeks and wish i hadn't as bf is now so easy and enjoyable.
nickytwotimes I'm so pleased to hear you're enjoying it now and that your ds's reflux is improving. I 'lurked' on you thread about it all and really felt for you. x
I sympathise and I've done both....bottlefeeding at 4 weeks can be totally scrap too, you never know when they're going to want feeding or how much so then you have to listen to them scream when you haven't got a sterilised bottle or wait for the bloody milk to cool down and don't talk to me about making a bottle up at 3am while the baby's crying... I'll probably get flamed for this but I think babies at four weeks are shite.
It will get better very soon, I used to say I'll just BF another week and now somehow the youngest is 9 months! And you could probably introduce a bottle for one feed after 6 weeks without it affecting supply.
Oh the first six weeks are shit. But seriously, once you get through them, its worth it. The first six weeks, regardless of how you are feeding, are such a nightmare!
We're on 10 months now - it was such hard going to begin with, but its so worth getting through them.
Good lucky, and remember that it does get easier. (But also that if you decide to FF, you're not failing. Though I totally understand that feeling )
i don't feel that way right now, but i did! twice!
it IS hard in the early days. really, really hard.
some people can just sit in front of the telly drinking tea and feeding the baby, but i always found that really hard. in fact, i found it mind-numbingly boring to be honest.
all I can say, which you already know, is that it does get easier! and having bottle fed my first i can tell you that those first few weeks of constant feeding are SO worth it in the long run
Its really hard in the early days and you feel like no one can share the 'burden' of feeds. No one can get up during the night to give you a break, no one can feed to let you get a bit of lunch/dinner. You feel like all you do is feed. I didn't hate the early days. I have loved breastfeeding from the start. But...there were times that I was so tired that I cried, times that I wished that my dh was lactating too! I can honestly say that it does get better, so much better in fact. You will start to notice that your dc will go a wee bit longer in between feeds, will sleep an extra couple of hours at night and feeds will get shorter. Your doing a great job, your giving your dc the best possible start in life.
Not very helpful of others to say you "don't have to" do it or "so stop then". Giving the op support to do the best thing for her baby would surely be more helpful ?
My greatest godsend is my inflatable BF pillow from Boots. It cost less than a tenner and positions DS beautifully for hands free feeding when I am sitting upright (in fact I am feeding him right now sat in front of the computer!)
Films are great for evening cluster feeds, the morning still drives me nuts though as I am always trying to get dressed and organised, but having to stop every 15 minutes to feed him again.
My DP reads to me in the evenings too, which is a really nice thing for all 3 of us.
All that said, there are times when it drives me nuts, especially as he seems to think that chewing is the way to get the milk out, after an hour or so that gets tired. But it will pass, I just keep focusing on the wedding dress I have to get into in less than 2 months
Its the bloody clothes I hate the worst. Call me shallow but I hate being restricted to certain tops and bras.
Its worth it though. I have bf 4 of my 5Dcs. I am currently bf my 5mth old and its easy as pie now (apart from the bras and horrible tops). So much less faff than ff.
I am not anti FF for ethical reasons. I am just far to lazy to do it again. I bloody hated sitting up holding a bottle infront of a teeny, tired baby for hours. I hate washing up and sterilizing, making up bottles (which seems to have gotten even more of a faff).
It is so hard in those first few weeks but hang on and it will be ok. You might never love it (my sister never did) but you will hate it less.
I'm gonna contradict myself here because I'm very much for breastfeeding and yet FF my DS(too much bleeding, pain, infection.. you know the usual). I gave up after around 10 days because of the sheer amount of blood being sucked out of my nipples. Cried for days for being a failure..
Anyway, DS was then FF from second week and it was wonderful! I hated making bottles but it was much easier than BF. Also, with 3 bottles of formula in the evening(we fed on demand in the evenings) he started to sleep 8 hours after 3 weeks and then 12 hours at around 5 weeks. It was brilliant and we loved it. He was a big, healthy baby and people always commented on how healthy he looked, which I always sort of brushed off in case they jinxed him or something.
Strangely, I'm still determined to exclusively breastfeed my next baby for a few months if I can. One thing's for sure, I won't be crying for days if I fail again and will not hesitate to either mix feed or EFF.
Anyway, I'm not really sure if it's such a bad thing if you really want to or have to stop breastfeeding.. as in our case we didn't see much difference between the two except we were so much happier once he was on the bottle(gosh, I'm gonna get slaughtered for saying this) But if you're getting to the stage when you're hating it, and especially if you can do both BF and FF at the same time to give yourself a break, why not?
Zimm, huge sympathy, and I absolutely recognise your description. Oh yeah. DISCLAIMER - DS is now 8 weeks old, and things are a lot easier compared to 4 weeks (I know you know it gets better etc etc).
Like others on this thread, I didn't have any real problems or issues - I just had to deal with the reality of BF-ing (no one else can feed except you, prisoner-on-the-sofa syndrome, cluster feeding hell, feeling huge sense of relief when I could leave DS with someone else for 5 minutes and get away - and so on. Oh, and all that 'but isn't it WONDERFUL! How BONDING for you! rhetoric from BF-ing Pollyannnas drove me round the bend. It didn't feel wonderful or bonding. It was exhausting and very demanding).
BF-ing in the early weeks really was very, very taxing - in ways that I certainly wasn't prepared for. Despite the tidal wave of pro-BF-ing material that came my way via MWs and Health Visitors.
As far as the 'you don't have to' response goes - well, of course you don't have to. Me neither. BF-ing is a choice [for the vast majority of us - I know there are women who physically can't]. Breast milk is better for a baby than formula. That's why I'm choosing to BF. I do ask myself quite often if it is 'worth it' - and so far the answer has been 'yes.'
If I felt I was genuinely going to have a nervous breakdown because of BF, if I had PND and the sheer demand of BF-ing was a contributing factor - then yes, I would turn to formula. Some mums do end up in this situation, and it is a solution for them.
But I'm not in that position. I get very frustrated with the personal limitations that BF-ing puts on me - but for me, atm, setting that against the long term benefits that BF-ing will give my son makes me carry on. I would love more sleep - it would be fab to go out and get hammered one night - I'm dying to take up serious running again - I would love more of a break from DS than BF-ing will allow a lot of the time. And all the rest.
BUT then I think - it really is only a few months we're talking about. I owe him that much. It is a lot easier now than the first few weeks. I don't imagine I'll ever LOVE breastfeeding like some women seem to, although who knows (and venting about it is a big help) - but that's okay. Unfortunately, as parents, we don't only get to do the bits of parenting we absolutely love. Darn it.
So rant away - I find it very therapeutic to read about other people's frustration!
I really relly hate it, all of it, the pain, the time it takes the frustration when they can.t latch on, the Midwives with their scales
This is 3rd time round for me and I am expressing and bottle feeding her my milk. I feel much more in control, and my pump is great at latching on
I remember those days. I watched a lot of Frasier.
Yep - I forgot to say - being able to express and have DS give a night feed or two in a bottle gives me a VERY much appreciated break, and some 'joined up' sleep.
If you can express, and if DC can take a bottle, I'd recommend it too.
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