Partner has left me but im not sure how I feel - Im Waffling - Sorry - I just need to let it out.

[Kurlysue34]

Hello there,
I really hope I have posted in the correct place :/

Ok so my partner and I had been together for over 8 years and have a little boy. Our relationship was always some what volatile. He was controlling and I would describe him as a bully.
There were of course many, many wonderful times and some wonderful memories however I would say that ever since our little boy was born our relationship went dramatically down hill to a point where he was awfully abusive daily.

He is a very negative person, not just with me but also with his staff and friends too. He has lost every staff member he has ever had due to him sacking them or he would accuse them of stealing or other things of which I honestly don't believe. He doesn't have many friends because whenever he has a night out with them he comes back saying that he wont be dealing with them again due to their x,y and z faults and he strongly believes that most people are very jealous of him. He is constantly falling out with his family over the most ridiculous of issues. His mum always maintains that he needs help.

A few months ago because of his abuse I walked out, took my son and went to stay in a hotel as I couldn't take it anymore. He of course came slithering back although may I add didn't apologise once and because I felt desperate I took him back however we agreed that we would go to relate. He still maintained this perception of me that I was lazy and the reason we had our problems was because I wouldn't help run his business etc etc although I have argued so may times that I do help (but he screams that its not good enough) he says im lazy and do nothing around the house although I work 3 days a week, look after my son, do all the cooking, cleaning and washing. He says I don't contribute to the home although I have always paid the utility bills for the home/food shopping and bought as much as I could afford in terms of "Nik Niks" to make the house look nice as this apparently is what most women do and should take pride in it.

The lady from Relate wouldn't actually deal with us as she thought we were abusing each other and that we were like children and not adults so we never went back.

Two weeks ago after a huge argument about how incompetent I am and that he is too ambitious for me, he left to stay with his mum.

The first few days were fine and I certainly enjoyed the peace and calmness however after a few days I desperately started to miss him and went into a state where I couldn't, eat, sleep or function properly it was horrid this feeling lasted for a full week.

we had contact via text over our son but that was it. On the Wednesday his mum rang about my son and then asked what was going on between the two of us. She said he had told her the previous night that he was coming down to the house to talk. Well all I got was a text from him saying he was coming to collect some things and that was it.
When he came he played with our son then sat in his office for an hour then left saying nothing.

On Saturday I went to drop my son off to him and he said that I should come back to collect them both in the morning so we could all go to church together. Then I thought well maybe this is it maybe we might actually get back together. We went to church on Sunday then I dropped him at his mums again.
In the afternoon he rang me and said "can I come to take our son to the park?" so I agreed and his mum came down with him to collect.
When he arrived he said that he wanted to take him for the night and his mum would drop him at nursery. I didn't really want this as I hadn't really spent much time with him over the weekend and his mums picks him up from nursery on Monday and has him for the night so I wouldn't actually see him until Tuesday night. Anyway I didn't argue with him I let him take him.
I relaxed had a lovely bath and a couple of glasses of wine.
He then rang at 7pm and said he was bringing ds home without any real explanation just said it was prob better if I took him to nursery in the morning.
He arrived back with ds in his brothers car. I expected him to just drop him off however he came in and he brother drove off. Again I thought maybe he had decided to come home at last.
We bathed ds together and were getting on really well until he then turned round and said "can you take me home now please" my heart sunk. I explained I couldn't as I had been drinking and it was too late for ds as he was in his PJ's. He said "I'd be alright" meaning the drink. I refused to take him so he went into a terrible mood saying "its ok ill sort myself out as I usually do" then went to walk out of the door I asked how he was getting home (to his mums) He told me it was none of my business. I said "Why don't you just come home" He then said he was never coming home again. To which I was totally heartbroken all over again.

Fast forward a few days and I seem to have woken up with a different attitude, I actually feel ok and if I dare say it, excited about moving on.
The thought of me living alone in rented accommodation as a single mum scared the hell out of me and even the thought of it sent me into a depression but I don't know, I actually feel ok maybe because I thought I might even be financially better off I don't know.

The thing is although I am feeling ok now I'm worried that I'm going to wake up (maybe even tomorrow) and be back to the awful feelings I had on Sunday and all of last week. I know I have to move out of the house (its his house, in his name) He pays the mortgage I pay the bills! And maybe that's when it will all hit me.
At night time when ds is in bed I do feel a little bit lonely and do constantly check my phone to see if he might have text like he has done inn the past when we have broken up but in general I do feel normal. Its strange.

Is anybody going through anything similar or can offer my advice. I'm sorry I just felt I needed to rant!!

Thank you :) xxxx

[Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople]

I would copy and paste this into a new thread on the Reletionships board as this board is for bloggers to chat about their blogs etc. there are some really lovely folk over there who will help and support you.

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